28, and never even had a date...

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I'm 28, turning 29 this August. I am still a virgin, and I've never even been on a date throughout my life. I sometimes feel like I'm every bit the definition of a "loser".

Ever since I was growing up, I was picked on, for one reason or another. I've always been heavy (though not morbidly obese. I do have man-boobs though, that no amount of exercise can seem to remove. ), and I've always been awkward in the art of spontaneous conversation. Some girls thought I was nice during Grade school, but once middle school hit, they were just as nasty towards me as the boys.

I was never an exceptional student, and I was never physically gifted (In fact, the test that confirmed my AS diagnosis a year ago revealed that I had below-average hand strength.), and in high school, I was described by a friend as having been "tapped by an ugly stick". The only real strength of mine has been my singing voice. But even then it's more operatic, in a world that seems to have turned against vibrato, and we all know how fickle the music industry is...

Although I somehow managed to graduate college, I'm currently stuck in a cashiering job at a Grocery Store, and still live with my Mother. I sometimes joke that my sister will be the one to carry on the family bloodline, since she got all the good genes, being good looking and a good student at the same time.

I don't even know why I'm posting this now...I guess partly to air out some of my frustrations, and partly to show the others who post here just how lucky so many of them are. I don't even know if there's any hope for someone like me to ever find love. I sometimes liken myself to a laggard in Darwin's "Survival of the fittest" race, or one of Nietzsche's "Bungled and botched".

In a more artistic sense, I relate greatly to The Phantom of The Opera (without the murdering, of course), a ruined, angry, but deep down artistic and beautiful man, who was ultimately fated to face eternity alone. But before he vanished, he finally received the one morsel of kindness and love that had been missing from his entire existence. It's my one hope that someday I will be able to experience the same before I go.

I thank anyone who was willing to read all this, as it feels good to finally unload so much of this from my chest.

You're the one who is "lucky," believe it or not. I read about what happens to the relationships which most Aspie guys get into, and I count my blessings that I've never had a relationship either. So I guess it goes back to that quote about "the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence."

Hey boss, maybe you need to look at how you're excercissing and not how much. Its gonna sound crazy, but I take moves right off the tv. I watch all those stupid ass infomercials and I take a move or two they use in each. Like the "core rythms" one thats by latin dancers, they teach you to bounce/shake your ass/hips left right left, thats one "rep"(then reverse it for another). Its like doing 3 crunches in each of those and its EASY as hell. I took some of that hip hop abs stuff like the knee lift/arm pump/standing crunch thing, even used some of the fluidity leg lifts(sideways/forward and back) using the bathroom sink as a "balance bar".

Now you just do these simple movements correctly, like pay attention to HOW you do them, not just HOW MANY. With good form, just 10-12 reps of each these things will tire you a little, and you can feel your body stretch out a little more every day. I like to do them in the bathroom right before I take a shower, and some days I take 2 showers to release tension in my neck. You'll notice improvements, I've lost like 30 lbs since actually trying to STICK WITH IT for 2 1/2- 3 months(maybe only 25 but still!). And some weeks you dont do it everyday, some weeks you do it twice a day for most of them.

Soon enough you gain your confidence back, and hopefully, a healthier lifestyle. You can eat and lose weight, you just gotta work out enough. If you wanna eat 10 plates at the buffet(like I did growing up), you gotta work out for like 3 hours a day. If you just want 3 good sized meals tho, even less than 20 mins can do it. I wont lie, sometimes I "cut" meals, but I use that term VERY LOOSELY. I never starve myself, itd be damn near impossible! But sometimes I can only eat 2 meals a day. If I have a late lunch or something and I dont skimp on it, dinner will be a similarly sized meal. I still eat more than 2000 calories, a day usually, sometimes its 1500 if its just 2 meals, but I still drink soda too(sometimes a liter or 2 a day).

If you can sing like you say you can, do those things and you'll do just fine SOON ENOUGH. You CAN do this, and looks will help a lot. Not too mention, strengthening these muscles will give you better posture, somethings girls notice. Im no expert on the opposite sex but ive had some dates and even a relationship. Those things only happened when I was in my best shape. Girls lie, looks matter unless you SEVERLY drop your own standards.

hey d-man it sounds like getting laid is important to u, your first sentance was im still avirgin. we are late bloomers thats all .our sexuality is the number one variable that influences our lives from day one . if we are born a boy they through us in blue if we are a girl they through us in pink we are sexualy stereoytped and put into sexual roles from the second we are borne no wonder sex becomes such an emotionaly charged issue for men and women, add to this all the variables of bein an aspie, and i blieve this topic deserves alot more dialog in the autism community.ive extrapulated that the root of the worlds social and moral problems is a clolective unballenced and disfuntional sexuality conciousness. at an individual level i believe for a person to have a balaned integrated sexuality,sex must be used as a way to celebrate your intimacy with someone not as a way to be intimate. that mind set it self would have the cause and effect of changing mankinds destiny and evolution. having said all that i got laid first at 25 by aprostitute. and i highly recomend that for u. nothing ilegal of course, i dont know where u live but in nevada out side of clark county which is las vegas, prostitution is legal thru out the statethe women are registerd pay taxes and are medicly screaned regularly. stay with a reputabul establishment and wear 2 rain coats. be adised the act itself is quick and emotionaless in europe amsterdam prostitution is leagel, in mexico their laws are prostitution is not illeagle , but pimps and houses for prostitution are illegal , isugest stay in their finerhotels and visit the lounge. also many asian countries prostitution is leagel stay in the american hotels where the turists go

I'm 26 and can relate to much of what you are saying. I never had a serious relationship. Been on 2 maybe 3 dates, if you can call them that. Obviously I am still a virgin too... but I don't really see that as a problem.

I have a pretty negative self image... thinking back people probably appreciated and liked me more than I give myself credit for. I tend to view most social situations much more negatively than they actually are.

Since people like us are so unique, we like to form relationships with girls who are equally unique. And so it's more difficult to find that sort of connection... combined with the social issues you have to work through. At least that's how I see it...

I wouldn't give up, but it's probably best to focus on things you enjoy... doing creative pursuits and other things that really give your life meaning. If you can fold a social event inside of this, then all the better... you might just find someone that way.

Don't confuse Love and Lust. Don't confuse Love and getting Laid.

I've known people who are in love, but would not 'get laid' until they're married. I've known people who get laid but were never in love.

It's natural to 'get laid' when you're in love with your partner, it's a natural step in the relationship. When the mood is right, and both feel comfortable about it, it will just happen on it's own. But if your thoughts about dating and being in love is mixed with 'getting laid' you need to rethink your definition of love.

'Love' is an action. To love someone. Love that person first. The 'getting laid' will take care of itself.

Now if you want to simply get laid, that's easy. Remove the love factor, it'll only hinder your progress.

Good Luck and Happy Valentine's.

I guess I still don't really know what love is, from what I've been reading here. I really do want to find out.

I'm sorry if I I gave the impression that I'm only interested in casual sex, because I'm not. I do want something more. I just thought that the fact that I've never even had a date in my life means that there's something really wrong with me. I mean, my Dad met my Mom when they were in high school, and married when they were younger than I am now. I just thought that all normal people experienced all that stuff before the age I am now.

I hope I don't give off the wrong impression again here. It's so difficult for me to explain my true feelings accurately for some reason.

dont think like you're living in your mom's house. think you're taking care of your mom instead of running off to live alone.

I'd give some positive advice, but I've been accused of being too patronizing. Maybe it's just good that you got this off your chest, and now you can focus on finding solutions to your issues, if you have the will to do so.

Natural selection had made its choice.

You're out of the genetic pool.

Sorry....

That's exactly what I've been feeling, LePetitPrince...if it weren't for the fact that I'm so scared of death, I'd be questioning why I even should go on living sometimes.

Being "normal" isn't all it's cracked up to be. Relationships come with their own set of problems. Everybody has problems, it's just that our problems aren't quite the same. It doesn't mean we're "losers," just "different." Look at Nikola Tesla, for example... he was single his entire life, he never had children, yet he was perhaps the most brilliant inventor in the field of electricity, and we have him to thank for much of our technology. On the flip-side, some of the worst scum in history (Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, etc) had relationships. What I'm getting at is that a person's true value is not measured by their romantic relationships, but by what they contribute to the world. Do not listen to the media or any other idiots who say otherwise...

...and couples should go on living because......?

You make a good point, Cyberman, the more I think about it.

If I'm not meant to find anyone, or pass on my damaged genes, then so be it. I'll find my own way to make my life matter, one way or another. I wouldn't wish my painful existence on another generation, anyway.

Maybe it's because Valentines is coming up that I got all depressed again about this, but I think I'm getting over it now.

Valentine's Day is the worst for single people, I know it always depressed me until I got things turned around.

I question your assertion that you have damaged genes:

--Ugly stick -- highly subjective, and your friends are the worst judge of this. Some friends want to keep you down, and will keep on heaping negative sh*t on your head. Look into this and see if they are really helping increase the quality of your life. Sometimes no friends is better than bad friends. Women care about a lot more than looks, I can assure you of that, especially at your age.

--Man boobs -- Stop eating so much, start working out 5 days a week, mostly cardio, some weights, but take it easy with the weights. You should be spending 45 min every day doing something intensely cardio. Man-boob problem solved.

--Sh*tty job -- what's the deal here? Is it you can't find a good job, or you can't take the pressure, or what? There are a lot of jobs out there that are a lot more pleasant than a cashier job, pay a lot better, and let you have more fun. In 10 years of working, I've made some good money and messed around browsing the web a good half of the time I was on the job, and still made a good income and got work done. You can always work on getting a masters/MBA/Law degree in your spare time, btw, and fairly cheaply.

Without being too much of the Polyanna some people here think I am, let me say that after meeting the right person, your life can literally turn on a dime. Sometimes all you need is for someone to give you a chance, but you gotta stack the odds in your favor to help that happen. At my lowest, my sister and family treated me like how it sounds like people treat and view you, as some kind of loser -- 14 years later, I'm the one making the good living, happily married, while everyone else in my family can't seem to get off their lazy asses and make a living, or can't get into a relationship (and my sister is very pretty), so I guess they got proved wrong about who the winner was.

Don't accept that you're a loser. Just start knocking the problems out, one by one, gradually.

i think NTs are the genetic throwback, i believe autism is the future evolition of mankind have u ever noticed the eyes on the pictures of all those grey aliens if those arent autistic eyes what are? and what about the size of their craniums?.at the expotentual rate of increase in the incidance of autism it appears to me autism rules, live long, prosper, and breed tiny monsters .