Paddling a child with AS Corporal punishment

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BellaDonna
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15 Feb 2009, 2:34 am

Last time my DD stayed with me I totally spat it. I said "f**k off you little b***h - I hate you" and I locked her outside. :(
Then she went into a rage 4pm in the morning telling me she hates me smashing up something, waking up the neighbours. Then when she came inside in about an hour we both calmed down. I said "I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

She drives crazy because she will not go to bed and I said "don't ever come back here. I don't want you."



15 Feb 2009, 2:53 am

ThisUserNameIsTaken wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
I wouldn't abuse my parents back, I understand only parents can do that to kids, kids can't do it to grown ups. Sure I was hitting other kids because I had learned when people make you mad, you hit them, when people don't listen to you, you hit them, if you don't like what someone says to you, you hit them. I was ten when my mother finally told me only parents can to that to their kids, kids can't do that. I bet that explained to her why I was treating my brothers like my children and why I was hitting other kids over the years. But I didn't do it in school because hitting wasn't allowed in school so I only did it at home.

It's not like my parents starved me or beat me or made me sleep under the sink, fed me ammonia, locked me in a bathroom mixed with clorox and ammonia, burning me on a gas stove. So the punishments I got from my mother is trivia. I am grateful what she did to me. I know she was a good mother. It be very sad if I held grudges against for for all she has done for me to help me get this far. Only spoiled brats would hold grudges for normal punishments they got.


I think Greentea was mostly referring to really strict parents. The ones who view and treat their kids more like pets or slaves than people. Spend some time on the Yahoo! Answers "pregnancy & parenting" board and you'll see examples of the kind of parents I'm talking about (in short the difference is between "how do I get my kid to behave better?" and "how do I get my kid to obey me better?"). I'd agree with greentea for the most part as well. I've seen kids at college who come from strict households and they definitely hold some grudges, if not outright hate their parents. Kids who got raised by more level headed parents though never seem to mind going back home.



Oh okay. :oops:

When I lived in Washington, there were parents who hardly spent time with their kids and let them run wild. Didn't do their jobs and I envied them then. Now I'm grateful for the mother I had. She didn't let me run wild and be a bully to other kids and I was disciplined. Those kids didn't go anywhere because their parents didn't take them to places and mine did. They also got in trouble a lot at school because they couldn't follow the rules. my mother told me all that stuff. One of my friend's families went to Lake Tahoe every year and they leave their kids cooped up in the condo while they go out and gamble. When my parents took us kids there, we did stuff together. Those other kids didn't get that.

My brothers and I were the lucky ones and those other kids weren't. We were even allowed in every room in the house and they weren't. Two of my friends would get locked out of their house because their grandparents didn't want them around so they go to friend's houses and see if they could play and hang out there. If none of them weren't around, I was the last person to try. They were both cousins and they lived with their parents and their grandparents in one house. There was this one father who locked his 13 year old boy out of his house for the whole weekend because he did something that made him mad. I was shocked at that story when my mother told it to me in my teens. I was 5 or 6 when it happened. He stayed at a friend's house and didn't come home for a week instead. All the parents on the block thought it was a wonderful punishment and my mother thought it was abusive and neglected. He was 13. What is a 13 year old going to do on their own? They can't even support themselves because they don't have a job or have anywhere else to go. The guy didn't even bother to talk to his son about his mistake and explain to him why it was wrong. My mom said most kids would have ran away thinking they are unwanted and unloved and the parents were lucky he did come home.


Now everyone can see why I am for discipline. I grew up with kids undisciplined so they were bullies and picked on me. They were allowed to be jerks and their parents did nothing about it. One of our neighbors had problems with those kids too and parents not doing their jobs so they moved. Their son was confused by how he was supposed to act and he was picking up on the other kid's behaviors. the family still lived in the same city but they moved to another neighborhood and their son continued going to our school until the new elementary school in their neighborhood opened.



Tahitiii
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HAL_9000
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15 Feb 2009, 5:32 am

To be honest, anything less than an electric shock is p**** footing around. Do it right and there won't even be any identifiable marks on the kid. You just have to make sure they don't bite their tongue off.



Dragonfly_Dreams
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15 Feb 2009, 7:30 am

:(

Sometimes the stupid remarks on this forum really make me sad.



slowmutant
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15 Feb 2009, 9:51 am

Tahitiii wrote:


Positive Discipline? Is that like Negative Praise?



BPalmer
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15 Feb 2009, 10:00 am

HAL_9000 wrote:
To be honest, anything less than an electric shock is p**** footing around. Do it right and there won't even be any identifiable marks on the kid. You just have to make sure they don't bite their tongue off.

Not if ya pull their teeth out first. :mrgreen:



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15 Feb 2009, 10:01 am

history_of_psychiatry wrote:
Only pedophiles like to give corporal punishment.

WHat about those into s and M?


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slowmutant
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15 Feb 2009, 10:04 am

Eggman wrote:
history_of_psychiatry wrote:
Only pedophiles like to give corporal punishment.

WHat about those into s and M?


In that case, it's not punishment.



gramirez
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15 Feb 2009, 10:06 am

Tahitiii wrote:

I have no idea what to think about that, other than that's why there are so many horrible little children these days. Whoever wrote that article needs to be shot.


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15 Feb 2009, 10:17 am

gramirez wrote:
Tahitiii wrote:

I have no idea what to think about that, other than that's why there are so many horrible little children these days. Whoever wrote that article needs to be shot.


I will agree that people don't discipline their children properly, a lot of parents don't even bother disciplining their children, and that is why we have such a horrible crowd these days. Hopefully these kids will figure things out when their adult lives are failing, and they have nowhere to turn, or maybe I am just noticing a select group that I really don't like because they caused my problems in childhood, but I still think parents need to better understand their children and act accordingly when they discipline.



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15 Feb 2009, 10:56 am

Padium wrote:
gramirez wrote:
Tahitiii wrote:

I have no idea what to think about that, other than that's why there are so many horrible little children these days. Whoever wrote that article needs to be shot.


I will agree that people don't discipline their children properly, a lot of parents don't even bother disciplining their children, and that is why we have such a horrible crowd these days. Hopefully these kids will figure things out when their adult lives are failing, and they have nowhere to turn, or maybe I am just noticing a select group that I really don't like because they caused my problems in childhood, but I still think parents need to better understand their children and act accordingly when they discipline.


Preceding paragrah = spoling the children by sparing the rod.

**NB: "the rod" doesn't necessarily refer to corporal punishment/brutality/abuse, but merely punishment in general. "Sparing the rod" can be taken to mean "failing to discipline/structure."



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15 Feb 2009, 11:19 am

I am on the Board of Trustees at my kids' tiny school. http://www.unity-nj.org
They graduated from eighth grade and moved on, but I'm still there.

We practice positive discipline and it works.
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/cont ... pline.html

I can leave my pocketbook on the table in the common room, (big room in the middle, lunch room, all-purpose room) forget about it for hours, and no one will touch it. I do it all the time. It's like leaving it on the coffee table in my own home. There's no reason for anyone to bother it, and no one does.

When the kids make the rules, they vote for the same rules we would. No hitting, mutual respect, all that good stuff. Even the five-year-olds. The difference is that they buy into it. It's not about a power struggle with the teacher, but about what they really believe is the difference between right and wrong. They do have the occasional little squabble, but nothing compared to regular schools. When it's done consistently, from the beginning, it's actually easier to manage them without the fascism than with it. For the most part, they want the same things we do. They just don't like being abused.

I can't remember the last time I considered punishing either of my kids for anything. I consider them adults in most things now. An honest difference of opinion (clothes, crazy color hair) is nothing more than a difference of opinion, and none of my business. In the stuff that matters (hitting, stealing) they already know. They don't need me to tell them.

"Your right to swing your arm ends where my nose begins."
It's not a difficult concept.



Followthereaper90
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15 Feb 2009, 12:01 pm

hamtaro wrote:
Paddling a child with AS Corporal punishment


First of all to my surprise the practice of paddling still exists in public schools. I can’t post the specific addresses yet due to being a new user but a simple google search of paddling schools or will yield information on the issue in the US.

Here is the blog that provoked my interest again I can’t post specific addresses so you will have to google the wording of blog to access it. The child also has type 1 diabetes and the mother mentions moving the location of the child’s infusion set to accommodate the paddling

“We took a break for a bit from our online life because our personal life was throwing too many curve balls. All of my children lost their minds, my MIL is in for a visit and we had an Endo appointment to deal with. There are a few things in all of this that I would like to share. The girl's stuff is just natural pitfalls of raising girls, like a teen love break up, the youngest trying for some added attention, you know life. My MIL's visit is good, I love her. The Daniel things that have been going on are a bit more tricky.

In the world of Asperger's Daniel has been struggling. He got himself into major trouble at school for messing with the computers in the computer lab. While I am not shocked that it had to do with computers, being the little computer junkie he is, the language he used in his crime floored me. I have always taught my children that curse words or vulgar language in general is not necessary and that if they have a strong vocabulary they don't need those words anyway. Not to mention that it is disrespectful and in my view disappointing to God. Anyway, the act he committed had three options for discipline. The principal could suspend him from school, do an in-school suspension or corporal punishment. This decision was tough for her to make because, well, she cares about these kids and trys to understand the situations. She did not want to do the in-school suspension because of his diabetes and the lack of a teacher to help him care for his blood sugars. She did not want to suspend him because of his Asperger's and the whole of that consequence was too much for his punishment. The only choice left was a paddling and she was afraid of hitting his sites. We decided that the paddling would be best and then we would also reinforce the punishment at home in a way that would help him understand the importance of what he had done. She put the paddling off until Monday so that I could get his sites moved from his hips to more safe body parts. He deserved punishment, he knew it was wrong. I think that he was probably trying to impress "friends" but I am not sure. I love that the principal was so thoughtful in her choice of punishment. I love that I did not have to jump to his defense and in doing so sending a message to my son that he could get away with things because of his health issues. I love that he is in a school that cares about him and trys to understand why he does things instead of just throwing him aside as a trouble maker. He will not be viewed as a problem child from here on, instead they get why he does things, deals with him appropriately and moves on to hopefully better times and decisions. That is priceless.

The paddling happened on Monday. Our punishment for him was that he was grounded from the home computers, the phone and no friends would come over for one week. This is huge in his world because 1) he is a computer junkie and 2) the computer is his escape. Keep in mind that while my MIL is here Daniel does not have the solitude of his room, he has been moved upstairs during the visit. I did not think about all of this, I did not feel I had a choice at the time of handing down his sentence. No retreat, no escape, uprooted routines, and uncertainty, does not make for a happy boy. Monday night, it all crashed. We had the mother of all meltdowns. I had to hold him tight and it took all of my strength as he wailed in frustration. Once he calmed down we decided that we would put up his bed tent so he would have a place of escape. The tent and some quiet time really helped.

Tuesday was the day of his Endo appointment and I was really dreading it. The last couple of weeks have been so off that his blood sugars have been a struggle. Apparently I underestimate the power of Cody. I did not think about the fact that Cody alerts us to so many more numbers than we would catch on our own and gives us the chance to deal with them in a more timely manner. Last visit the A1c was 8 and I was not a happy camper. This time the A1c was 6.4 and we were all elated. This is the lowest A1c Daniel has had to date. It took us four years but we took it from 12 to 6.4! Woo Hoo.

After the proper appointment it was the visit for the blood draw. In anticipation of this we had put EMLA cream on his arm before we got to the office. We found a point on the ceiling to distract him and she went to work. She could not find his vein, she made several attempts and then went to get another nurse. Oh boy, I did not cream the other arm. The guy comes in and looks at both arms and agrees we need to do the right arm. He has freeze spray, thank you to the inventor of this nifty invention. First try, done. No meltdown, no tears, just a successful draw. Now he is determined to find a squeeze toy like they had, it was an animal with gel in it, but the gel had tons of test strips in them. Daniel was quite taken with that and now has to have one. Anyone know where I might can score a test strip, gel filled, animal, squeeze toy? LOL

In conclusion, Diabetes is being contained for the moment, Asperger's is being wild but we are working on it, School is trying to help all they can, and life just keeps on truckin. What a ride.”
....now why my troll indicator is vipering? there should be no country padling is still allowed..not in germany ,not in sweden,nt in holland.......list goes on..is it really case that usa needs that to keep dicipline?


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Tahitiii
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15 Feb 2009, 12:29 pm

Followthereaper90 wrote:
..is it really the case that usa needs that to keep dicipline?
Nope.
Fascism outlaws thinking and breeds more fascism.



philosopherBoi
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15 Feb 2009, 1:22 pm

Spanking doesn't deal with the problem it is a means of getting back at a child for their crimes thus it doesn't solve the root problem of why the crime was committed in the first place. This means that spanking is an ineffective means of dealing children's behavioral problems.

I can personally say spanking only resulted in causing me to lash out more boldly and more frequently which as time went on meant that I started to target those who hit me as I saw them as abusers who never got punished. I remember once I synced out of reality for six hours and destroyed an entire class room, I bit, hit, kicked, head butted, spit, and cussed at those who had hurt me, it took my body 18 hours of uninterrupted sleep to recover from that.

Now before you say I was a brat or something like that you need to know that when I said I synced out of reality I meant it. I was neglected and abused which made me anxious my entire life, now anxiety by nature is a state of apprehension which stems from fear, being out of control and the feeling of being vulnerable. When I felt this I switched to anger easily which by nature is a very powerful emotion that can easily grow very quickly with very little internal or external force. Switching to anger allowed me to get rid of my fear, feel in control and feel safe of course it also synched me out of reality to the point of having blackouts.