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ZEGH8578
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17 Feb 2009, 1:22 am

Coadunate wrote:
Here’s what I could never understand about casual sex. First let me ask everyone who has had casual sex reading this two questions and please do not continue to read the rest of my reply until you have answered them. You do not have to write the answer to the first question for all to read but please try to write the answer to the second question. Please think very carefully before answering each question.
1. What thought goes through your mind when you are having sex with someone and have an orgasm?
2. Is this thought disparate from your thoughts the next day and if so how do you reconcile these dichotomous contradictory polar views?

As for me, I have never been able to reconcile the two and avoid casual sex like castor oil- or a very unpleasant experience for those too young to know what that is.


had it not been for casual sex, i'd be "the 30 year old virgin"

1. "i am hannibal the conqueror!"
2. the next day i feel lucky, that i "got some", and look at my hands, thinking "huh, thats one step closer to be able to count my encounters on a whole hand!"
those are my honest answers.

i dont see the huge deal, its just meat and stuff. i have yet to 'do it' w someone i truly love tho. more to learn i guess, more to look foreward to.



Coadunate
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17 Feb 2009, 2:18 am

Conquest is fleeting, only truth is perpetual.



cman_yall
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17 Feb 2009, 11:57 am

Well, that turned into nothing at all like I expected. I think most of you misunderstood my question. But that's ok, I'll try to rephrase it.

It has nothing much to do with morality, more about pragmatic evaluation of the results of the mythical average person's behaviour. It's nothing to do with blaming women for the choices that they make, because no individual person has much of an effect, it's about observing the trends. It not about physical evolution, that happens on a much longer time scale than what I'm talking about - more like social evolution. It's not about men and women having different reasons to be attracted to each other, except in that if that wasn't true, women wouldn't have all the power.

My hypothesis is that women choose what kind of man gets to have sex, and since sex is the biggest motivation for most men, this in effect chooses what kind of man society is filled with. If women as a group decided that they would only have sex with blond men, we would all start dyeing our hair. If women decided being unemployed was sexy, many of us would quit our jobs. Etc.

So, in the prehistoric days of the early 1900's, in order to get sex, men were forced to become reliable and responsible and dependable, and a whole lot of other things that ended in ibble. It is true that in order to get married, or otherwise in a secure long term relationship, a man still needs to be those things. But it is no longer true that such behaviour is necessary to get sex.

What are the criteria of today's women, and what is that doing to society?


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arielhawksquill
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17 Feb 2009, 1:18 pm

Although the traits formerly selected for, like hard-working and reliable, are still desirable for some women, I think you are correct in perceiving that different traits are being rewarded at the current time. Younger women in particular are attracted by detailed personal grooming (the "metrosexual" phenomenon), an ability to perform in some medium (music, acting, fire-spinning, etc.) as well as being attracted by money and earning power (as exhibited by the car a man drives, the watch he wears, and the electronic gadgets he carries, as well as his generosity toward the female in question in terms of expensive dates and gifts.) Most of all, though, they are attracted by AMBITION--a man who knows what he wants out of life and has a plan to get it. Once in a relationship, women today reward men who are emotionally sensitive, attentive, good listeners, who will do their own share of the housework and childcare.

You imply, and I agree, that these qualities are not ones frequently exhibited by the stereotypical AS man--the kind who have poor personal hygeine, are shy and retiring in public, don't aspire to anything beyond living in their parent's basement, who lives on a disability check from the government. If such stereotypical Aspies do manage to get a girlfriend, they are too emotionally distant and don't clean up after themselves, resulting in dissatisfaction with the relationship.

The 1950s style relationship was better for some AS men, since they weren't expected to do anything much beyond the work/eat/sleep routine, with the wife taking care of all the housework and childcare and not expecting much emotional input from the husband. The "strong, silent type" was actually desirable.



ZEGH8578
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17 Feb 2009, 1:28 pm

Coadunate wrote:
Conquest is fleeting, only truth is perpetual.


you are correct. i prefer sex to be fleeting, and true love to be perpetual. my sexual experiences were unrelated to love.



Relicanth7
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17 Feb 2009, 2:19 pm

Jacob12 wrote:
I feel it's bad, it's a sign of society's declining morals.


Another agrees... im sick of this becoming the scocial norm... thats why STD's are growing phenominaly in frequency... :x


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Jacob12
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17 Feb 2009, 4:35 pm

Quote:
Another agrees... im sick of this becoming the scocial norm... thats why STD's are growing phenominaly in frequency...


Exactly, it's possible one day it will be difficult to find some who isn't diseased. not only that but it's just not respectful to you, the other person or anyone you may decide to marry in the future.



mitharatowen
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17 Feb 2009, 7:30 pm

I object to the generalizations in this post.. not all men are motivated by sex and not all women are 'rewarding' certain behaviors.

However, the OP has an interesting point. "What kind of behavior are the women rewarding." I think it is an example of how society doesn't seem to value responsibility anymore. Things lean farther and farther toward an 'anything goes' type of world and anyone who advocates something to the contrary is just trying to 'bring you down' or some stupid crap like that.

It will be interesting to see how things turn out.



Coadunate
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17 Feb 2009, 8:14 pm

My point is that irregardless of whether it is a man or a women who makes the final decision it is more likely to involve dissociative thinking individuals rather than associative thinking ones who in turn are likely to breed more dissociative thinking individuals.



Relicanth7
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17 Feb 2009, 8:44 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I object to the generalizations in this post.. not all men are motivated by sex and not all women are 'rewarding' certain behaviors.

However, the OP has an interesting point. "What kind of behavior are the women rewarding." I think it is an example of how society doesn't seem to value responsibility anymore. Things lean farther and farther toward an 'anything goes' type of world and anyone who advocates something to the contrary is just trying to 'bring you down' or some stupid crap like that.

It will be interesting to see how things turn out.


Gahhh! another reason to stop it then so that the world dosent turn to anarchy!! ! :x


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Metalwolf
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17 Feb 2009, 8:57 pm

Ummm... I was wondering, shouldn't this thread be in the Adult Issues forum or something? It looks like its quite heading into NC-17 territory here, and there are members here who are younger then this.

:scratch:


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Jacob12
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17 Feb 2009, 9:00 pm

It doesn't have too, just so long as it stays a debate about a societal issue.



Relicanth7
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17 Feb 2009, 9:06 pm

Thats true as long were not getting into the "dirty" aspects and just the crap you hear on the news every 10 seconds its ok...


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Jacob12
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17 Feb 2009, 9:10 pm

I agree.



cman_yall
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18 Feb 2009, 12:05 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I object to the generalizations in this post.. not all men are motivated by sex and not all women are 'rewarding' certain behaviors.


But since we're talking about the general phenomenon, aren't generalisations fine?

mitharatowen wrote:
However, the OP has an interesting point. "What kind of behavior are the women rewarding." I think it is an example of how society doesn't seem to value responsibility anymore. Things lean farther and farther toward an 'anything goes' type of world and anyone who advocates something to the contrary is just trying to 'bring you down' or some stupid crap like that.


That's more or less the conclusion I've reached - it's all about fun. People in western society are delaying having children for this reason, I think. Or partially that, and partially because they don't feel financially secure at a young age, maybe? I don't know the answer to this question, but I am sure of this: in our society women generally choose who has sex, and most men are going to try and fit their criteria.


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