anyone else NOT looking for a partner?

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are you looking for love?
no, and actively avoiding it 21%  21%  [ 23 ]
no, but I wouldn't mind if it happened 45%  45%  [ 50 ]
yes, passively looking 23%  23%  [ 26 ]
yes, actively looking 10%  10%  [ 11 ]
no, it's just you anna, you asocial weirdo! 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 112

anna-banana
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19 Feb 2009, 4:12 pm

seriously though, is it just me? I am 100% serious in actively avoiding relationships, and if I met someone I fell in love with I'd actively try to just forget it and move on. I'm 100% happy being single. and the longer I'm here (on WP) the more I feel like I stand out even on a forum for people who- in theory- are more romantically challenged than the average population.

so- anyone with me on this one?


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CockneyRebel
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19 Feb 2009, 4:27 pm

I'm not looking for a partner, either. I'm happy going out with my friends, after I have my evening supper. I do not wish to be tied down in an intimate relationship. I've also been mentally and emotionally hurt by two males, in the past 15 years. I'd rather be with a mixed group of friends than at home with a man, every evening.


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ToadOfSteel
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19 Feb 2009, 4:30 pm

I'd say we're challenged in getting the dates, but not challenged in feeling the emotions...

That said, I've felt true love (albeit unrequited) in the past, and once you've felt that feeling, there's no going back...



anna-banana
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19 Feb 2009, 4:34 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I'd say we're challenged in getting the dates, but not challenged in feeling the emotions...


I wouldn't say I'm challenged in feeling the emotions either, I do fall for people sometimes, and sometimes very intensely. but I don't actually want to *be* with them, I'm perfectly happy knowing that they are in the world somewhere and maybe sometimes having a conversation with them or a night out...

I just don't desire to be with someone in a full-time relationship, I can't imagine being comfortable with having someone constantly around.


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MissConstrue
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19 Feb 2009, 4:38 pm

Yeah...I sort of feel like that.

Sometimes I wonder if a relationship would only trap me from my freedom. I know my aspergers has a lot to do with why I probably have a hard time in relationships.....I like my own space and freedom plus I just can't pretend to be something I'm not. I've tried and tried and just is so uncomfortable. But if there'd be a guy willing to accept some of these challenges or quirks that would be great.

I don't think some singles see how challenging a relationship actually is....especially if you're like me and like to do your own things. It takes lot's of work....depending. It also takes lot's of cooperation and negotiation...something I think aspies have a hard time with.

In some ways, I think it's a bit like friendship but goes beyond that. So it's not always green on the other side.


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Postperson
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19 Feb 2009, 4:39 pm

shrug



mitharatowen
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19 Feb 2009, 4:41 pm

Sounds like you're just more mentally healthy than I am :P You like yourself and you're cool just being you. That's really great actually :)



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19 Feb 2009, 4:47 pm

I voted for option #2. I've been alone for so long that it's now comforting, and am not pushing to change. Through logic, and perhaps a bit of self-preservation, I've fallen into that "if it happens, it happens" mode. For me, life is just easier this way. :)


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MissConstrue
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19 Feb 2009, 4:49 pm

Que Sera Sera...whatever will be will be.


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anna-banana
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19 Feb 2009, 4:49 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
You like yourself and you're cool just being you. That's really great actually :)


that's what I think too.

but everyone else keeps making me feel like it's a bad, abnormal thing. just the other day I overheard two of my female acquaintances talking and they said something like "she's still single at 30, there must be something wrong with her" about one other girl...

and then there's my friends constantly setting me up with guys or saying things like "don't worry, you'll find someone too". I guess they don't believe me when I say that I want to stay single, I don't know why they wouldn't- I just assume it must be something that they just find too disturbing to even consider. :shrug:


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LePetitPrince
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19 Feb 2009, 4:57 pm

Nope, I am not seeking anymore to be honest, if it'll happen coincidently then it's good which is very unlikely to happen without any effort (I'll be 27 in March so I just raised the white flag), if this not going to happen at all then it's ok even though I'll have to face singlism for life and the consequences of living along but that's not the worst thing I've ever faced or I'll ever face.



MissConstrue
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19 Feb 2009, 5:00 pm

My uncle never got into a relationship until he was 40...I guess he was a late bloomer.


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mitharatowen
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19 Feb 2009, 5:03 pm

Most people are not so mentally stable and 'need' someone else to validate their existence. That is why many of them probably do not understand you anna.

Even of the rare mentally stable people, still even most of them want to be loved. It's just normal human programming.

Even though I myself do not feel that way, I think it's great for you to be able to be alone and be happy :)



jawbrodt
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19 Feb 2009, 5:19 pm

For some of us, alot of it stems from trust issues. It becomes so hard to trust other people, that it is MUCH easier/comforting to just be alone.


Abuse is usually the cause.


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mitharatowen
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19 Feb 2009, 5:21 pm

I have huge trust issues as well. I may end up being a hermit.. I'm leaning that way.