Losing to someone who's backed up by convention

Post Reply New Topic

One thing that pains me very much about trying to be friends with a person is that they always end up becoming dominant of me, because their will has the backup of society and mine doesn't. In those inevitable situations where we both want different things, rather than negotiating or getting my will for once, I always have to do what the other wants because it's not only what they want but also "what people do".

I've always had that problem. I tend to be insecure in life, so I find people with strong personalities. They tend to make decisions, follow their interests and I'm quiet about mine because I want to make a friend.

The only exception to this is my relationship to AS BF. We pretty much equally make decisions.

Doesn't that wear you out? And when you question it or try to explain why you think it's wrong you're either out numbered by " just because " and they box your " why? " into a closet and lock it in. Or everything you say bounces off their ignorance force field and over time they just seem to become annoyed with you.

I haven't run into that so much. I see the set of circumstances, but my sheer pig stubbornness seems to have often insulated me from outside influence. This, mind you, has hurt me in that I do not adapt to others well. But if I do, it's generally because I decided to, not because their utterly worthless sheep's mentality meant anything to me or to the known universe, really. Everybody does, they say? You should, you have to, you must, you can't not do it, it's done, it's not done, or else. Fine for you, I say to them. Have fun with that. Everybody does? Well, then everybody's a mindless robot. I drive everyday in a teeming morass of what everybody does. It's called California Driving. You can tell that the people there are not thinking out what they do.

Mind you, what I've had to learn is that sometimes a thing is the right thing to do in spite of everyone else doing it. What I object to is people who don't think it out first, from how they pronounce words all the way down to major moral decisions. If the only reason they've got is that everyone does it, they're being boneheads.

Mind you, there are possible exceptions... I mean, there's usually one right way to pronounce words, not often more. I mean, common sense conformity is a different matter. Although I have been willfully mispronouncing "Nevada" (based upon what the natives say), on account of once being publicly humiliated by one of them for pronouncing a single letter wrong. Like I care.

Good luck with the humans.

I have to say - what a fantastic arguement IrishWhistle!

Seriously, if someone's best arguement for why they do something is because "everyone else does it, it is an accepted norm of society" then they are basically admitting to trying to be carbon copies of everyone else - as well as being too scared to be themselves and do things their way.

You do not need society's approval for what you do - be proud to be an original, unique individual who does not conform to being a carbon copy.

Society's approval is over rated anyway, especially when you consider such things as society approving war, society not accepting difference, society being restricted. Do you really want to be restricted?

Much love,
Rikki

I don't usually have this problem since I'm very adept at avoiding friendships in the first place.

I have this 'friend' called Kieran, who seems to love to insult me (as allot of people do). He is a pervasive little basted. He seems to turn every subject in to an insult towards me. When he first used to insult me I did insult him back, but all he did is come out with a persuasive masterpiece, closely followed by "owned" by my other 'friend' James. I don’t bother answering back in any conventions anymore, because I know if I do I would only end up losing the argument and fail.

robo37 that sucks friends like that are toxic.

I can only remember coming across this situation once. I think they used such reasoning as an excuse for bullying and control, rather than actually being a steadfast adherent to normality.

art scene. all the time. a constant.
but i have learned to put my head down and keep working and that has attracted the really good people. but it has taken years. (lucky we AS have perseverative tendencies.)

It used to happen to me a lot back when I had friends / dates. Eg: I'd want to go to the movies, they'd want to go to the beach. Then we had to go to the beach, because we were not 2 people with 2 equally valid opinions. Their opinion was worth a million opinions, because in summer what one does during the day is go to the beach.

In 95% of cases, the only reason for 'having to' do things or 'not not doing them', or them being 'the done thing' is for social approval. If your peer group (I won't say 'friends', because genuine friends would not make such demands) accepting and approving of you is vitally important in your life, then, yes, you 'must' do them. If, on the other hand - like me - you really couldn't care less whether they approve of you or not, you are under no obligation whatsoever.

My father, quite frankly, has an obsession with convention. He will do things that he barely even makes a pretence of enjoying, but still insist on doing them because 'that's what's done'. I would go so far as to say that he seems to have almost a fear of being seen to do anything remotely out of the ordinary, his need for peer approval is so great.

Just say, "If everyone else jumped off a cliff would you do it too?" I'm THIS close to saying that to my mother, which is ironic as mothers in general practically invented that phrase, LOL.