At what age did you start dating?

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When did you start dating?
Age 12-14 6%  6%  [ 22 ]
Age 12-14 6%  6%  [ 22 ]
14-16 8%  8%  [ 31 ]
14-16 8%  8%  [ 31 ]
17-18 6%  6%  [ 22 ]
17-18 6%  6%  [ 22 ]
19-21 6%  6%  [ 24 ]
19-21 6%  6%  [ 24 ]
20s 4%  4%  [ 17 ]
20s 4%  4%  [ 17 ]
30s or later 1%  1%  [ 4 ]
30s or later 1%  1%  [ 4 ]
Non-dater 18%  18%  [ 71 ]
Non-dater 18%  18%  [ 71 ]
Arranged marriage or Christian Courtship 1%  1%  [ 3 ]
Arranged marriage or Christian Courtship 1%  1%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 388

TaliDaRadical
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28 Oct 2004, 4:11 pm

If you're a dater, at what age did you start dating? I'm into sociology and anthropology and I wanna study the demographics of dating. (I'm also a non-dater so rest assured 8) ) It has been said that dating is a 'threshold issue' for us Autie folks. (This will assure you further: I'm also studying start-of-dating ages for different ethnic and religious groups, as well as people in different parts of the country.)



spacemonkey
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28 Oct 2004, 4:30 pm

I was interested in girls very early in life, had my first "girlfriend" around first grade. Then I had a few through elementary school. I think part of this is because I never understood my peers and I was seeking someone I could really feel close to. Anyway I had a couple of girlfriends in Jr High, one fairly serious relationship around 16 then another in college. Then I just stopped dating for about 6 years. I could not imagine how I would meet someone and have a normal relationship like most people my age. So I studied religion instead, and learned to paint. I have often found that if I am alone I can be as odd as I like, as soon as I am involved with someone then I start to feel like I am a real weirdo, but all of my girlfriends have been very NT. I have been out with a few girls in the past year, all of whom I met online.



duncvis
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28 Oct 2004, 5:10 pm

argh. As a teenager I wanted girls to go out with me, but was usually too awkward to ask anyone out. A number of unrequited crushes later I finally met and briefly went out with a girl I met at 16 on holiday (I got beaten up in the bus station taking her home - I think this may have contributed to the demise of the relationship :? ), other than this I started seeing my wife at 17 after we met at a rock club and hit it off. She is shy and quite insecure, in the early stages of our relationship this helped I think.

But we are still together 11 years on despite a communication gap, so I dropped lucky I guess...

dunc


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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28 Oct 2004, 5:23 pm

I started so-called 'dating' and 'relationships' at 13, most males noticed me due to physical appearance pretty much and I was naive because I was getting attention and thought it was for me.



Civet
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28 Oct 2004, 8:13 pm

I've never been on a date before. Only one guy ever overtly expressed interest in me, and I was not interested in becoming involved with him. From others' observations, I have gathered that there were possibly a few other guys who were interested in me, but because they didn't say anything, I never knew it.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship, and I go through periods of wanting one. But I am not the type of person who wants to date just to date, I want to spend time with someone because I like that person already. This is a bit counterproductive to dating, from what I've been told, since dating usually helps the two people find out if they like eachother.



TaliDaRadical
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28 Oct 2004, 9:22 pm

An explanation of my non-dating:
I do not date, because of a combination of autistic and political factors.
Reason 1. I only date vegan, radical activist, metalhead/rap fan Asian-American guys who are multilingual and do not smoke, because I constantly talk about this and that metal band or political activist or animal rights and suchlike. That cuts my dating pool down a lot.
Reason 2. Boys do not like me, maybe because I am a BBW (Proud Fat Chick), *extremely* loud, and I listen to both Beyonce and Spiral Architekt (a technical metal band) and that type of music taste freaks them out. Also, NTs say I act like a 'retard'.
Reason 3. I dislike BOYS!! ! The area of the gym occupied by the guys in gym class smells so awful, and boys are usually mean, and I think of the nice ones as brothers. Also, I am too used to AV (Japanese Porn) actors (No offense to any guys) that I have been brainwashed into thinking that all males bodies look airbrushed, and I have never seen a real normal guy in the nude, it would probably freak me out and I'd run.



alex
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30 Oct 2004, 9:42 am

OK. Hopefully everyone has had time to cool down. I've unlocked the topic. Lets try to stay positive when talking to each other. We have a really great community which hasn't fought much before. Lets try to keep it that way. Thanks, Alex


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Arashi
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30 Oct 2004, 10:48 am

I checked "14 - 16" but it was tough to choose.

I went on a few dates that young. On those dates if the girl got close, I'd "freeze up", not because I didn't want to get close, but because I didn't know how to get close. There was two girls I especially liked, and they really liked me, but after the "freeze ups" they backed off (naturally), and just stayed friends.

Then after I moved out at around age 24 I went out trying to date. I met a really nice woman and we hit it off. Unfortunately because of my non-conventional "style", (whatever I liked), I made the wrong impression to her. At the time we met I was in a club (a friend of mine was playing in the band), wearing a Harley Davidson T-Shirt with hair halfway down my back. She naturally assumed I was this "Harley Biker Guy". I did hang out with Harley guys, along with anyone else I could talk with, at a local motorcycle meet, but I rode there on my little Honda 2-stroke. :D

We went on a date in NYC and had a great time. She was very intelligent, very interesting, and very beautiful. Then she suggested she come home with me that night.

Fear set in. I really, REALLY liked her and didn't want to "scare her off" by freezing up.

That was one of the most uncomfortable nights of my entire life.

When she saw my apartment, littered with computer equipment and video games, she said something like, "what's all this?" I explained that I was a computer programmer. A computer programmer didn't fit with her image of "Harley Guy" I guess.

So we put on a movie, and sat on the couch. I couldn't concentrate on anything but "not freezing up". She seemed to want to be kissed. I awkwardly tried to kiss her and made a klutz of myself.

At that point I said, "you MUST tell her what's going on!" "Honesty is the best policy" right? So I told her that I'd never slept with anyone before and hadn't dated in years and that I was very nervous. She was shocked. "You're 24 and you haven't slept with anyone!? What's WRONG with you?" or words to that effect.

And to further my confusion, when we went to bed, she wanted me to sleep beside her? I should have slept on the couch, but instead I lie awake all night beside her mentally kicking myself for my stupidity. We didn't even kiss again after my first attempt.

The next day I drove her to the train station and that was the last I saw of her.

I really wish I could talk to her now and tell her I'm sorry.

Luckily the next date I went on was with my now wife. Again I froze. Again I was honest with her. But she, although suprised, was understanding. We've had a rocky marriage, but we're still together, we still love each other, and we have a fantastic child.

(whew! Talk about spilling your guts, I just meant to vote in the poll! :D)



Katana
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30 Oct 2004, 5:24 pm

Tricky choice.

My first girlfriend was when I was 16. But I've never really been the sort of person that goes out dating.

Usually because I've not got the faintest idea of what to do or what should happen... spot the Aspie trait, win a prize! :D

So as a result, not sure if I should put this down as 14-16 or non-dater.

Tricky.



iamlucille
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27 Nov 2004, 9:14 pm

i've had a ton of guys interested in me, and i've sorta been dating, but not really... i'm hoping it works out with a certain guy though for now :)



hale_bopp
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28 Nov 2004, 4:29 am

I've been interested in guys since I was 11.

Guys seem to have a hard time telling me they like them. They usually get their friend to do it or I overhear.

been on "dates", but first real BF at 19.



Beanie
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18 Dec 2004, 8:11 pm

Civet wrote:
I am not the type of person who wants to date just to date, I want to spend time with someone because I like that person already.


Wow I am the same way. I hate dating just for the sake of dating. I mean, what's the purpose if I am not already interested?



Mel
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23 Dec 2004, 4:55 pm

I never really dated- the one time I did I was too freaked out by it (and that wasn't even a proper date lol). When I met Dunc outside of school (we'd been in the same year group and noticed each other but didn't really know each other) we just got each other right away.

I feel so lucky that I met him when I did :D



joku_muko
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23 Dec 2004, 6:13 pm

Never been on a date. I'm 22.



Astro
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04 Jan 2005, 12:10 am

I never quite "got" social dating. But I would get attached to people and end up having relationships with them. I only had a few dates even though I had a half dozen serious relationships that spanned 20 years!

In fact, when I met my wife, I told her that our first meeting was to be an "un-date" so as to take the pressure off! It worked like a charm!

The few times I went out on what would be called a "real date", I didn't really act appropriately and treated it too much like a job interview. I both felt on the spot and put the other person on the spot by asking too many specific questions and probably revealing too much about myself.

The un-date is really a wonderful thing. I was amazed at how it lifted the tension and allowed us to interact as people getting to know each other without the romantic tension and artificiality. Before that, I always felt so nervous, like the other person was scrutinizing everything about me. Probably because I was doing that to them! I set guidelines by saying up front "I'm not considering this a date. No uncomfortable moment at the end of the date where we decide whether or not to kiss. We're just two people meeting each other to see if we'd like to be friends". I think they found it quaint.

Oh, and to answer the poll, my first relationship was in Freshman year of college, I guess at age 19. My first date wasn't until several years later!



vetivert
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04 Jan 2005, 4:26 am

what's an "un-date"? details, please - sounds just what i need...