I need some help and a bit of direction right now, I'm hoping I can get some here.
Basically, I'm struggling to enjoy life. Up until about 18 months ago I was a perfectly happy, carefree person. But then I met loads of new people because I joined Sixth Form (for anyone unfamiliar, basically it's the last two years of school in the UK where people can join new schools). Ever since then, even though I have made great advances in confidence and social skills, I have battled a kind of depression all the way up to now, characterised by a low self-esteem that means anything self-... is absolutely zero (I pretty much know it's reactionary to my social incapabilities).
For a few months feelings of isolation and disconnectedness from my friends have appeared and then worsened. In that time I have matured a lot, and in a sense I have left my friends behind, to the point I can no longer feel like I can have fun with them on their level, and I don't enjoy what they enjoy. They have also begun to drink alcohol more often (at parties or gatherings), and for some reason I have developed very-strong anti-alcohol views, which has not helped matters. That feeling has manifested itself in that I don't participate in any of my friend's activities, and the world seems to pass me by as I sit idle.
In the last week this disconnection has become its most intense. I feel very lonesome at the moment. I am so desperate to wind the clock back 2 years and have carefree fun like I used to, but there are mental blockades holding me back. I have become more irrational this week, thinking of substances (like Red Bull, alcohol, but definitely not drugs) that might help me regress, take my cares away and just have fun, but I don't want to do that.
I know it's only a short phase since I should (hopefully) start university in September and have the chance to start over and find people more suited to me, but right now this is my main issue in life.
Does anyone know what I can do?
20 Mar 2009, 11:57 am
