Older Men vs. Younger Men
My husband is about ten years older than me, but he is the only person that I ever dated that wasn't very close to my own age. Not that I really dated a lot, I got married right out of college and always had long term boyfriends in HS and college. (It was an obsession!) I don't really care about age, maturity is much more important. Some 45 year olds are extremely immature while some 30 year olds are very mature.
I've pondered this since my OkStupid mistake. I found it alarming that the interesting, witty responses to me and shared interests were from men in late 20's to very early 30's, mostly very attractive, and the tiresome "hi Babe, I like to cuddle", (never mind we have nothing in common) were from men older than me, who incidentally, were not wearing their years well....given I'm a bit abrasive, tattooed and pierced they must be desperate
I guess emotionally and socially I am immature (i'm not the one to judge whether I look younger than my age-37, or even presentable), and would rather just have friends of either gender to be immature with, than latch onto a relationship if it would be based on nothing other than " we are thoroughly incompatible but I don't want to be alone"
It's not even so much a youth vs age looks thing, I can't imagine being around someone who doesn't have some overlap of music taste, who isn't as obsessive about it and who doesn't share the same wit and outlook, even as friends. And this isn't an impossible thing, or restrictive criteria. It just would be some kind of prostitution to "settle" for incompatibility for the sake of being in a relationship.
Ironically, the things I consider handsome, good bone structure, a certain kind of ruggedness (think Steve McQueen, Harrison Ford etc) isn't the "pretty boy" look only found in younger men. Shame I never attract anyone (single) over the age of 28, because I really don't want to be some Mrs Robinson....I lack the sophistication for a start
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dossa
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I opted for older... though I am not sure if that is fair. The thing with me is that I owned my own house before I could legally drink, I left home at sixteen when I became pregnant for the first time... I worked when I was a child to buy myself things like food (my parents were addicts who forgot to buy things besides alcohol, pot, and coke... and Melba Toast... never understood the Melba Toast...). I was one of those stereotypical 'little professors' when I was young. I never learned to relate to my peers. I used to date twenty-somethings when I was a young teen... they had jobs, more knowledge and life experience than people my age did... they also were more understanding of things like my bisexuality than my peers... though it is more common now among 'kids', it was not when I was in school. I do not like to lie to my partners. I scared my peers. I stayed away from them. I was 24 when I divorced my ex... Most people that age do not own a car, a house, have an ex husband or have two children in school. I have a hard enough time relating to people, now add those factors to the mix. My husband now is seven years older than me. I did not consider his age though, when we met... Would he have been the younger one, it would not have mattered to me. It is the person, the compatibility, that matters. It just happen that I grew up fast and did not do things at the same time as my peers so I tended to mesh better with older people.
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FaithHopeCheese
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Age: 42
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Location: I think I'm lost
I think back to my early twenties and think that I was preyed upon by older men (which I'm sure many of you have felt that way too) but I was too lonely and naive to realize it. I "dated" one guy who was 13 years older and another who was 22 years older. I think they probably thought of me as a quiet, insecure plaything, but I'm sure they were sorely disappointed when they met the real me. My mom told me a few years ago that I need to start talking more so the men I meet know what they are getting themselves into. I think I am always very submissive in the beginning because I don't want to be rejected. I am in a perpetual state of discovery and change when it comes to my identity (again, you all probably feel that way, too) so I feel immature and more mature than my age.... but what determines all of that anyway? My current boyfriend is 4 years younger than me so it is quite a change from what I am used to, although I've been with him for a while. I went from being dependent to being more of the dominant/responsible one, but I really don't like it. We're engaged, but have no real plans for marriage. After he gave me the ring, everyone was trying to force a wedding on me. No, thank you! It's going to take more than a ring! I've been guilty of giving really lame advice to people because I hate to see people feeling lonely, but I want more out of a relationship than what I have right now. I think we are little more than friends. I have had one boyfriend tell me that he didn't think that I was capable of love, and I'm not sure if I am. I experience feelings of tenderness and jealousy, but is romantic love more than that? Of course, I do love but I have always been able to walk away from a relationship pretty easily. My current guy is harder to let go of, because he is a real friend to me, but I need more than that..... Oh, sh*t..... I'm getting off topic and I bet I will regret all of this....
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Definately older. Because I am a little different I feel like younger guys just laugh at me, but older guys seem to appreciate me for who I am and want to converse with me. They also don't know that I'm not stylish because they're too old.
I once absolutely, totally and utterly adored someone 20 years older than me and he couldn't understand why. He told me he was too old and is now living with a more age appropriate woman. He couldn't see past my age. He thought it was unfair for me to be with someone older and expects me to find someone my own age. I don't think I will because I don't relate to or trust men my own age.
I think I usually end up with older guys because I'm attracted to these traits, and not the opposite.
But if I meet a younger guy who has the characteristics that appeal to me, all bets are off!
It's not the age, it's the attitude. And attitudes often go with ages. So far, the guys I've met who were laid-back enough and worldly enough for me to take interest have all been older. I also tend to have more in common with older guys in terms of "major life experiences" so we relate to one another better. But it's really just a matter of being on the same wave-length, so to speak, not age specifically or anything like that.
Perhaps my obsession with much younger men has to do with being utterly denied their company and - let's face it - their hot, skinny, nubile bodies when I was young. I'm an extremely visual person; I can pretty much figure out if a guy's anything I'd consider sleeping with in less than 10 seconds. Shallow? Sure. The bodies of men over 35 (unless the guys in question work out regularly and are fit, or else are naturally thin, and relatively hairless) repulse me, period. The thought of seeing them naked or engaging in sexual activity with them makes me want to vomit. I don't say this because I'm ultra-conceited and think of myself as a supermodel or anything of the sort - it just is what it is; it's either there, or it's not. I *am* pretty thin and fit, but that fact (even when I'm in my relatively form-fitting exercise gear) seems not to matter to or attract men, anyway.
Then there's the immaturity factor... I have nothing in common with men my age or older. Where most of them are in their lives has nothing to do with my plane of existence. I have no career, or any hope of one, at least right now; I don't even know what I want out of life, or what I might really like to do for work, at this point. I'm not into material possessions (I might like to borrow someone's souped up, mint-condition muscle car, but I don't need to own it); I'll probably never be a homeowner, or a parent, or have a 401K or a stock portfolio. These concepts are alien to me, and have nothing to do with my reality. I may be 41, but I'm really about 16. 'Twas ever thus.
The height (with few exceptions) and the social deficits are turn-offs, from my experience. There *might* be something I could do to alleviate the latter, but there's nothing I can do to change the former, obviously - not that I would. If only I could live in a perfect world - a Netherlands or a Scandinavia filled with young Aspie men... *Sigh* The bottom line, though, is that I'll be DAMNED if I go to my grave without having had something young and pretty!
ooooh she sounds like a pervert...all u want is sex and a younger guy....eeewwwww, u animal....NOOOOOO she is a human being who wants happiness, and the way she chooses it is not for me or anyone else to judge
I've always been attracted to older men in their 40's, sometimes even 60's. I have no idea why, it's been suggested I have "daddy issues" but I had a good dad so that's not the case. It's not a money thing either, I work and make my own money, I don't need someone elses. It might be a maturity thing, I don't know. I just know that as men grow older, they get more good looking!
I would never act upon it and date an older man though I don't think, but I secretly appreciate older men
hartzofspace
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Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Not all of them! It depend on their lifestyle and health.
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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
That's not at all unusual.. that's why they say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." It's not always an objective thing, and what somebody looks like, and whether those looks are pleasant, depends largely on how you feel about them. If someone is a jerk, a lot of times they'll look like a jerk even if they're objectively attractive. And if someone is kind, and looking at them makes you feel good, then they look good even if they're not a normal standard of attractive.
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