Am I being unfair

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Hi, my name is Jamin; am quite new to this, and this is my initial posting.

On review of the data, what is striking is the seeming robust number of people who actually want the diagnosis of Asperger's. If this observation is correct, why precisely is this? Is it simply narcissism, i.e. I Am Different; therefore I Am Special/Cool? Is it perhaps simply wishing to belong? And if the latter, why then Asperger's? What is precisely the attraction?

If there be those who wish the diagnosis for any of the aforementioned, please be reassured there is nothing cool or neat or special about it. You are not missing anything.

A diagnosis enables two decisive advantages only:
1. It enables an understanding for the whys of how things have gone from before pre-school.
2. It permits one to cognitively triangulate in advance where precisely one may encounter problems, and institute specific 'corrective' actions in an effort to prevent complications.

Perhaps there are other advantages; these would be of interest.

My case is mild. Still, it has had a decisively detrimental impact upon my life. I have navigated it largely successfully; but at the cost of much grief through most of life. Worse, not understanding, I have unwittingly and without malice hurt those I cared for, or who cared for me. While the condition has perhaps offered specific advantages, the cost has enourmously outweighed any possible benefit. There is nothing wonderful about it.

Things are a bit raw. Perhaps one with a perspective gained from a longer time abiding with the diagnosis may offer insight and wisdom. Thank you.

I'm on the verge of seeking a diagnosis, but I don't see it as a cool thing to show off at all. My biggest motivation is that my job can become very "Aspie-unfriendly," with expectations that I feel I can't handle in terms of rapidly switching attention, obeying unclear instructions, focussing in spite of noise and other interruptions, embracing sudden changes to my routine, etc. I could try to explain to my bosses that I just can't do these things, but I doubt that they'd want to believe me or to make adjustments. I feel I'd just be seen as a dishonest, awkward malingerer. So I'm hoping an official diagnosis will give me proof that my plight is genuine, and UK disability discrimination law requires reasonable adjustments to be made for anybody on the disabled persons register. I might even be able to claim compensation for constructive dismissal if they still won't see the point.

I might never use the DX, if I find I can simply get them to believe my strengths and weaknesses and if I can manage to assert myself strongly enough to get the working conditions I feel I need in order to be reasonably calm and content in my workplace. But judging by the way the bosses here have belligerently and cruelly forced painful changes onto myself and others in the past, I doubt that I'll be able to do that without some kind of official backing for my claims and demands. It's like being forced to try to walk on an invisible broken leg. The stress of the situation has given me a lot of anguish and the only other option is to quit, and my savings won't be enough to support me until I'm 65, and I'm so institutionalised that I doubt a change of job would be any better for me. As for a lifetime on benefits, that's even more insecure if I have no obvious reason to be extremely picky about what jobs I'm prepared to go for.

My wife believes I'm an Aspie, so it will make little difference there. Maybe I'll qualify for access to some resources & therapy. And I might find I can put aside my doubts that it's not AS but something else that's wrong with me. I might be DXed with additional, comorbid disorders for all I know. Self-understanding is important to me, I want to know my strengths and weaknesses so I can live a fuller life.

I have lived with AS my whole life. I have lived with the diagnosis for a week. I didn't have a choice in whether or not I wanted AS, that's just how I came. My reason for choosing to get a diagnosis was for:

1. Validation of everything I have experienced but have not understood. I'm not looking for excuses, I'm looking for the peace that finally comes with knowing "why".

2. A correct diagnosis to replace all the incorrect diagnoses I've had in my life so far (and there were so many )

3. Because my 3 year old son was just diagnosed this year, and maybe by understanding my AS better, I can help him with his.

I have been "different" for a long time but it has never made me feel "special" or "cool". It has made me feel weak and self-loathing. For me, the diagnosis has given me understanding and self-forgiveness. And hopefully soon, some resources to keep me from being so lost in the world.

Jamin, you left out one huge reason to get a diagnosis- so you know you don't have something else, like schizophrenia. Also I'm sure that a good number of people here need their diagnosis when filing for government assistance, as their autism leaves them unable to work. I am very, very lucky in that I've been able to hold a full time job for nearly a year now, but I had a lot of assistance in aquiring and keeping that job.

And of course a diagnosis for children is needed, as schools need it for the IEP, insurance needs to to justify therapies, and certainly having a focus of an autism spectrum disorder is going to help the occupational therapist/teacher/parent find something that fits the child's needs that much better.

Diamond, L2Know, Mage -

Thank you for your considered, thoughtful, and enlightened responses to a difficult post. Yours are indeed valid considerations - from perspectives I had not before considered.

Like you it has been pretty rough going throughout life. It had seemed that to know now finally the "why" at this late time would provide relief. That it does but there is also additional unexpected and somewhat surprising - well, sadness I guess, at the whole.

Thank you for your patience and humanity.

I think you forget/didn't outright mention though half is in 2./and maybe it's not like that where you live though it should be (and governments need to do a lot more for us and others!):

3. It gets you professional support, therapies, treatments, financial support and the allowances and help that is necessary in everyday life to perform similarly to people without your serious impairment.

Learning of AS helped me accept myself and understand and further develop my identity; it came relatively late in life (30s), and before it I didn't have a framework for understanding my experiences and traits. I'm more comfortable with myself as a result and truer to my nature. The social anxiety decreased, and sometimes I even like myself. There are significant difficulties and disability and I attempt to manage that every day, but, when not triggered into self-loathing, am proud of what I am, so-called flaws included.



This was not a factor. However, interacting with others here (which I began a long time after diagnosis), sometimes engenders a sense of belonging I never expected.



Many would beg to differ--those it is life-changing for in a positive way. They are usually older and went for decades not understanding their traits and difficulties, so it comes as an immense relief, though there are often difficult feelings in addition.

I am content with my diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, what, would you have me detest it?

It was the blessing of my life to find out I am autistic. I would not go back to when I didn't know for anything in the world. Perhaps you have been blessed with so much more that you can't see why someone might be just grateful and content to just know.

Merle

I got diagnosed because I heard it could help me get a job and I had gone through a really tough relationship, and I was confused by how little I thought of that person. After my diagnosis I got on the Employment Disability Network. It also helps me not get so down about being different. I'm not sure if it's a good thing but I know that with AS doing things and becoming what I want to be will be a lot harder for me. I don't give up, I just keep that in mind.
There are both positives and negatives to AS. On one hand I want to be really social, articulate and have decent relationships, oh and be able to work. But then I like coming up with ideas off the top of my head and having really good artistic skills. I am the person that finds the lost keys in the home. I am also the friend that doesn't backstab and hates gossip. I can entertain myself with hand flapping and clapping. I like being able to have intense focus on a special interest and then know everything about it.

For me:

diagnostic accuracy
financial help
cheap medication and professional visits

Indeed Mage and Last2know

Once you know what you are dealing with, you can learn about it and then try to improve your situation. Initially, the reaction to finding out can be depression and loss because of reasons mentioned in above posts, but later, once you know where your own weaknesses are then its easier to find a way forward. Also, many of us have strengths, these can be developed.

I sometimes wish I had never found out, but after the shock, my quite sad reaction to it and the struggle to learn more and accept it, things improved a great deal, for instance, I am more aware when I am in a stressful situation that could lead to meltdown and I can remove myself or start using breathing techniques. That is just one advantage of knowing.

My reasons for considering getting a formal diagnosis.

1. Validation. I'm self-diagnosed right now, but for those who may question, an "expert" determination would settle the issue that I'm not just using my AS self-diagnosis as a crutch or excuse for my issues.

2. Protection. I have been denied employment and advancement because of how AS has affected me. While it is a two-edged sword, if I get into a good job and I find issues from AS (or intolerance of AS) could cost me what I've worked hard to get, I won't hesitate to start legal action to enforce my right to reasonable accommodation (I tolerate your quirks, you can try and tolerate mine) in the workplace.

3. Access to assistance. I don't know if or when there will be programs to help people with AS, but if I have the need and they exist, it is safe to say you must be able to prove your disability.

My AS is relatively minor. I got to 40 (rough ride), but I do manage to keep and hold a job. It would be nice if there are support structures for people like me, I have the option to use them. I may be better off never disclosing to the NT world about my status, but I'd like to have the option in case I'm better off being diagnosed.