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stros
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08 Apr 2009, 11:59 am

Is there a specific way to handshake (ie finger placement) i'm not aware of? I shake hands, that look similar to everyone else, but when I do it, I notice people tend to get uncomfortable. Based on that, they have the instant perception of me, and I'm already on their bad side... My handshake is firm not loose....



TallyMan
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08 Apr 2009, 12:37 pm

You must remember to stop squeezing when their face turns blue. If you hear a cracking sound in their hand then you have squeezed too hard. Similarly your up and down movements must not be large enough to dislocate their arm, as this tends to cause displeasure. Also remember to let go of their hand or they will think you have sinister intentions or are going to arrest them.

Glad to be of help :D

... on a more serious note, my handshake is firm, perhaps too firm. Best to judge the pressure from how much they apply and mirror it. Women generally don't squeeze very hard. A good handshake can be a good ice-breaker with people if done correctly.


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Ruchard
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08 Apr 2009, 4:12 pm

a handshake should last no more than 10 seconds



mechanicalgirl39
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08 Apr 2009, 4:41 pm

Squeeze a little but not excessively, shake for a few seconds. :)



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08 Apr 2009, 5:13 pm

I read on a body language book that if your palm if facing up it is submissive and if your palm if facing down during the handshake it means authority/dominence.
There was a whole chapter on handshakes and the different ways of shaking hands, and I thought it was just a case of moving someones hand up and down.


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CrinklyCrustacean
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08 Apr 2009, 5:57 pm

^ Was that 'The Complete book of Body Language' by Alan and Barbara Pease, by any chance? I have a copy and recall that chapter. It may be that you are gripping way too hard (the dreaded 'knuckle cruncher') or shaking too many times (the 'Pump handle'). It could also be that your hand feels cold and wet to the touch: it's just a small medical condition some people have. At least, that's what I read. From my own experience, remember women and musicians tend to squeeze very little. Feel how much they squeeze your hand and match it with your own. If in doubt or it seems you have to make the first squeeze, aim for a gentler grip. Don't be too gentle though or it will feel awkward. 3 shakes up and down is about right, and keep your hands in the vertical position: don't try to turn their hand to the left or right as it disturbs the sense of equality. Also (and this is the hard bit) remember to look them in the eyes as you shake, not at your hands. By all means (although Pease does not reccomend this) look at your hands to avoid fumbling, but then look up. Smiling helps too.

On a personal note, I don't really like handshakes - it feels awkward and forced, and creates a 'formal barrier' between us. I prefer instead the more childish way of 'hi' or some other informal or non-physical approach.



Jsmitheh
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09 Apr 2009, 10:50 am

A friend said I shook hands like a puppet, totally limp, so I got him to show me how. Just be firm with it. You can go all out and act all enthusiastic and slam your hand into theirs and shake it saying "YEAH MATE YEAH".

Ruchard wrote:
a handshake should last no more than 10 seconds


More like three.



b9
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09 Apr 2009, 11:46 am

i do not shake hands except if i am stimming, and i do not do that type of stimming any more.

my method of avoiding handshakes with other people is to look away from the area before they extend their hand.

it nearly always works. if some people are handshake fanatics, then i may become defiant if they demand to shake my hand.

i can shake my own hand if i need to and i dislike to hold peoples hands because i do not know where they have been.

for all i know they could have been scratching their anus and did not wash their hands before they extended them to me. how do i know?


i will not take the risk.



MONKEY
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09 Apr 2009, 12:28 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
^ Was that 'The Complete book of Body Language' by Alan and Barbara Pease, by any chance? I have a copy and recall that chapter. It may be that you are gripping way too hard (the dreaded 'knuckle cruncher') or shaking too many times (the 'Pump handle'). It could also be that your hand feels cold and wet to the touch: it's just a small medical condition some people have. At least, that's what I read. From my own experience, remember women and musicians tend to squeeze very little. Feel how much they squeeze your hand and match it with your own. If in doubt or it seems you have to make the first squeeze, aim for a gentler grip. Don't be too gentle though or it will feel awkward. 3 shakes up and down is about right, and keep your hands in the vertical position: don't try to turn their hand to the left or right as it disturbs the sense of equality. Also (and this is the hard bit) remember to look them in the eyes as you shake, not at your hands. By all means (although Pease does not reccomend this) look at your hands to avoid fumbling, but then look up. Smiling helps too.

On a personal note, I don't really like handshakes - it feels awkward and forced, and creates a 'formal barrier' between us. I prefer instead the more childish way of 'hi' or some other informal or non-physical approach.


Yeah that's the book


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TallyMan
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09 Apr 2009, 3:19 pm

Another tip: After shaking hands do not wipe your hand on your pants/jeans! I've seen people do this. It must be an unconscious thing they do, perhaps thinking the other persons hand was dirty, but it really shows very bad body language - I take it to mean they shook hands reluctantly and are really disgusted by the person. If they feel that way about the person why did they shake their hand in the first place? Better just to punch them in the mouth and be done with it. :?


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Rok
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10 Apr 2009, 4:15 am

Ruchard wrote:
a handshake should last no more than 10 seconds


Jsmitheh wrote:
More like three.


Agreed. If someone gave me a handshake for 10 seconds, I'd think they trying to hold my hand, and if it's a dude, I'm running scared.



frohman2
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25 Apr 2009, 8:59 pm

Make sure it's firm, but not too hard, and not too relaxed too. I am left handed, so I shake hands with my right..



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25 Apr 2009, 9:17 pm

One thing that is never quite clear is hand-shaking for women. I'm never quite clear when I'm supposed to shake someone's hand. Some times are pretty clear, like if it is a situation where the people involved are all beginning a professional relationship. But sometimes it's not so clear. Sometimes it seems like the men all shake hands with each other and the women don't.

When someone offers me their hand, I try to give a reasonably firm handshake, and look them in the eye, just for a second or two.

I just wish the rules were clearly spelled out, and people just automatically knew what to do. People say that you shake people's hands when you meet them, but in reality, I generally only see men doing that. So...I'm not sure.

One time, when I was about 13, I was at a restaurant with my family. Someone came to talk to my dad, and was introduced to all of us at the table. The person reached out to shake my hand, but I was holding a fork full of food. So I offered my left hand and twisted it around. There was this embarrassed laugh from everyone. Later, I realized I should have put my fork down, but at the time I didn't know that. It's not like they teach you these things in school.



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25 Apr 2009, 9:32 pm

elderwanda wrote:
One time, when I was about 13, I was at a restaurant with my family. Someone came to talk to my dad, and was introduced to all of us at the table. The person reached out to shake my hand, but I was holding a fork full of food. So I offered my left hand and twisted it around. There was this embarrassed laugh from everyone. Later, I realized I should have put my fork down, but at the time I didn't know that. It's not like they teach you these things in school.


That reminds me of the time when I first met a boyfriend of my sister's. I'd sat down at the table, picked up my cutlery and started to eat when my sister said, "(McTell), this is (boyfriend's name)," and he put his hand forwards. I didn't realise at first what he wanted, so it took me a moment to make the handshake (and I had to put down the cutlery, creating further delay). I was told it made him think I disliked him, but that was not my intention. So, what I learned from that experience was that after a handshake is offered one has a limited time to respond before appearing rude, even if there are reasons for delay.

Handshakes are so confusing, and so formal. I think the world would be a simpler and more fun place if they were replaced by high-fives.



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29 Apr 2009, 12:19 pm

I do not like shaking hands.



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29 Apr 2009, 2:42 pm

handshake must be firm. I don't mind getting my hand squeezed, but jellyfish-handshakes give me the creeps.


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