Leaving the Nest

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Hi, I'm 28 and moved out about a year ago to get the experience of being away from home. I moved back in after the semester ended. How late is too late, even for an aspie, to live on your own? I'm not too eager to do so because I'm worried about what would happen if I lost my job or some other depressing catastrophe transpired, and I didn't know what to do.

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks.

PS, how old were you guys when you left the nest?

I don't think it is ever too late, and it is not just an AS issue.

Any child that stays at home learns to become dependent on staying at home.

This can hamper independence.

But, it's not always bad. European families used to have three generations under one roof, and it was normal. In a poor economy, you need multiple incomes to make a house comfortable.

If you opt to stay with family because you pool resources to live better, and to care for each other, it's not a bad deal, BUT you must all learn to respect each other as individuals.

A kid who never leaves home but is always treated as a child never gets to "grow up" until the parents die, and then it's a bit late to learn how to be an adult.

I moved out when I went to school. I moved back in a few years after graduate school. Initially, I planned to go to a school where I had to give up my rental house, but with the worsening economy, I can't justify getting a place of my own just to have a place of my own. I get along okay with my folks, but because they don't always respect me as an adult, I itch to move out again. I prefer having a place all to myself.

I was 19, I think it was one of the few good decisions I made in life. Granted I had support for being a student, but in truth if you loose your job then just move back in with your parents, wait until things get sorted out, and then move out again. The key issue for me would be if you have any greater level of human contact if you moved out, because I guess that if there is someone to rely upon it if often your family.

I was almost 20 when I moved out.

I don't think its ever too late. I mean, with the economy being as rough as it is right now, living with mom and pop isn't such a bad idea. I had to move back in with my parents a few months ago when I broke up with my ex.

I do miss the independence I had. Sometimes I'd be bymyself for days at a time, which was fine with me...well, WOULD have been had I not been worrying what my ex was out doing (or screwing). If I were single then...yeah, I think an Aspie living on their own is probably the best thing for 'em. Granted one remembers to pay all bills on time and not slip into the downward spiral of the debt conspiracy....

I moved in and out for a good couple of months as I adjusted to the real world. Now, I have my soon-to-be husband, and he's quite helpful with remembering the little things, like getting up for work, paying bills, buying food, the little things.

I hate that soon I'm going to have to move back in with Mum as I lost my job and am having a hard time finding one. But, that's probably the one AS trait I wasn't cursed with. I go with the flow so well, nothing ever throws me for long. Maybe it's because I don't care, not about where I live, what I eat, I just figure it will all work out. And it always seems to. I learn from everything, both failure and success, and learning is the one thing I really love. So it works.

You're never to old to live with the 'rents if it's a stable relationship. If you haven't moved out due to fear, then that's a problem, but not moving out because three incomes are better than one makes perfect sense. It's like having a roommate, just one you know better than the guy on craigslist.

This whole being on your own thing is a lot easier than you might be thinking it is.

I dunno. I suspect a lot of us "just do it." If we actually thought about it, perhaps we'd be afraid.

I think in the beginning it is universal to be anxious. I was. But you survive and do OK and none of the catastrophes happen and, before you know it, you're swimming along with everyone else.

Thanks guys. Yeah, it might be the fear thing. I don't know, I've had a few weird blind sides in my life, and I took them pretty hard. I'm afraid if I take a few knocks out there, and I'm too depressed to go on, things will all go to Hell.

I guess you can't let that happen though, no matter how hard it is to stay above water.

Well too late and too late....the more you postpone it, the harder it'll get right? But "better late then never" applies to this as well. Doing it in bits like you did: trying your wings and coming back is one way to do it.

I personally was ultra-independent as a kid: I had a bad relationship with my mentally and physically abusive father so instead of dealing with him, I did everything myself when still living at home: In my early teens, I got a weekend job, bought my own clothes and other stuff I needed, I just crashed in my room. Things however got so heated at home and I was on the brink of a serious nervous breakdown (constant depression for years, suicidal, yet pushing forward because of immense "survival instinct", I had no choice), that right after finishing Junior High at 15, I moved (or more like, ran) away from home, 200 miles away to another city to go to high school there.

Okay so this turned out to be a story-of-my-life sorta post which wasn't my intention, what I'm saying is that if it was possible for me at that age, you can do it too, now - it just takes some time: I was forced into maturing and becoming independent at such an early age and I think I took care of myself on my own so well mostly thanks to my AS - I learned and was conditioned into an independent life and I adapted to it strongly and efficiently I think partially because of AS. For you however your home-life isn't the same as mine was (lucky for you), and you haven't been "pushed" out of the nest like I was so don't feel bad for being scared to do it! Not everybody has the setting that makes it a rule to leave home early...yet it is possible for you too. Use your AS-strengths like I did!

Good luck!

what I forgot to add is that my also-Aspie paternal uncle is still living with his parents - at the age of 55. You're only about halfway there ...so yours is not a case lost!

The thing I notice with my friends who live on their own is they have this rather nonchalant "ehh Ill manage" attitude aboutl iving alone. I ask them what they will do if osme major disaster occurs, and they kind of shrug it off. MYself I am terrified of such an event in my life and I really dontl ike to think about severe financial or emotional distress, but I kind of have plans for if something occurs.