One aspect of conversation I don't understand

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This is probably a typical aspie question. Should I use a person's name in a conversation. For example, someone said to me; "That looks interesting, Ian."

Now if I was making that statement I would say; "That looks interesting." And wouldn't consider using their name. I've recently realised I've never done this before, but have noted several occaisions where people who already know that they know each other's names where they addressed each other anyway.

Why did that person use my name? I felt slightly good about the fact that my name was used in the conversation. And I pondered if that was that the purpose of the person using it.

I am really, really bad about not introducing myself, or listening to a person when they say their name. So I'm carrying on conversations all the time where I don't know the person's name and they don't know mine. I often have to say at the end of a conversation, "Oh, by the way, I'm Cade" or "I'm sorry, what's you're name again?"

I don't often use a person's name in conversation. I don't think it's a big deal. I think it boils down to persoanl style. Some people seem to just prefer doing it. I have an OCD friend who's like that all the time. He will end or begin a lot of his comments with your name. He's always, "Now, Cade, I was thinking..." or something like that. It's just how he is, and I'm just the opposite.

If you want to get the person's attention and indicate that you are interested in them, use their name. This is a lesson from how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie. the most beautiful sound in the whole world to a person is their name. This led me to work hard to pronounce people's names properly because if I do that they are more forgiving five minutes later when I can't remember who they are....

I agree that name using can really help build a rapport, but i dont do it nearly enough. Especially, earlier in life it felt somewhat strained & unnatural, but i wonder if this had more to do with my inhibitions and general social outlook.

I also think its something you can overdo - If im getting name-checked in every other sentance, particularly by someone relatively new, then ill instinctively raise my defenses- it can make that person seem overfamiliar, creepy and possibly scheming.

Neuroman, I agree that name using can really help build a rapport, but i dont do it nearly enough. Especially Neuroman, earlier on in my life it felt somewhat strained & unnatural, but i wonder if this had more to do with my inhibitions and general social outlook.

Now Tolian, I also think its something you can overdo, so beware Tolian - If im getting name-checked in every other sentance, particularly Tolian, by someone relatively new to me then ill instinctively raise my defenses.

Tolian - it makes that person seem overfamiliar, creepy and possibly scheming!

This seems to be a normal AS/NT difference. NT's naturally use other people's names a lot - it's just the way they're wired (sorry, I don't have a better explanation). I've seen this discussed on a couple of aspie forums and it's amazing how many aspies are the opposite in our wiring. For some reason a lot of us actually have a real aversion to saying other people's names (or even hearing or saying our own name) - we can't do it even if we want to. For me, addressing someone by their name causes the same inward uncomfortable response as eye contact. I guess it's because both of those things take the interaction to a more personal level.

I think saying your name might have been a way of adding even more of a compliment to "that looks interesting". At least the way I imagine it was said. It can add emphasis.

I have also heard others do this. I, myself, rarely do so because it's very frequent I can't remember the other person's name, lol. I'm not good with names. Usually when I use someone's name though, it's to get their attention in some manner. Or to start a question.

I think the formula to say someone's name and not pass the boundaries between normal and odd, is using it in moderation. Every once in awhile. Perhaps once each meeting at maximum.

That made me laugh! I can relate to it...

Anyway- I rarely ever use anyone's name unless I am calling them from across the room or asking them a question or want to make sure they will hear me. People perk up to the sound of their own name when they might not hear you otherwise, for some reason.

So I might say something like " Melanie, do you think these rolls are ready to come out of the oven?" or even, "Sierra, that's pretty- you did a nice job.", because in both cases I am using the person's name to announce that they are being addressed.

Saying it in the middle or at the end of a sentence would sound too personal and make me feel squirmy.

I think that using people's names is good because it gets their attention. Otherwise, if people don't feel comfortable, they shouldn't do that.

Likewise. Everytime I have a conversation with someone I've never met before I end up having to ask "and what your name again?". I don't really address people's names I've known for quite a while like my family members...

I never use peoples names in conversation either in person or on the fone and it annoys me if I'm on the fone to one of those contact centres (cable company for example) and they use my name in nearly every sentance.

At work sometimes I have to fone people. I'll ask can I speak to mr or mrs ....... but after that I won't say their name again.

Yeah it's like "okay Michael we will have your cable ready in a few hours Michael. But Michael you must remeber to pay every payment fully or Michael you will be jepardizing your account Michael. Michael,Michael,Micheal.

Understood,Michael". It drives me crazy...

I can relate to this - when I was a child, I used to hate saying people's names (sometimes I used to hate saying names of places and companies as well), and would do anything to avoid it, even if it meant having to say more words in order to describe who I'm talking about. This used to irritate some of my relatives, particularly my father. I used to make up silly nicknames for my 2 older sisters, and my friends at school, and call them that instead.

Nowadays I'm more comfortable with saying people's names, but I never use someone else's name when I am having a conversation with them, except to attract their attention at the start of it. As far as I'm concerned, the other person knows I'm talking to them and no-one else, so I don't need to say their name any more, once I've attracted their attention.

I rarely say other people's names. I'm not sure what that's about, but I also have a hard time remembering people's names. It takes being introduced a few times before I remember someone's name, and often this doesn't happen. People just assume that you can remember their name. When I don't, I feel too awkward to ask their name, because I'm afraid they will take it as some sort of insult.

On hearing my own name, I hate it. Whenever I hear my own name used in conversation I feel as though I've done something wrong or people are speaking badly of me.

I never mention people's names unless necessary. But I have no problem with remembering people's names. If you have trouble with that, one thing you might try doing is imagining their name written across their forehead when they mention it.

Sorry to post again, but something else just occured to me.

People tend to like to hear/talk about their selves a lot. If, in a conversation, you ask them questions designed to let them talk about theirselves they come away thinking that you are a good listener/etc. I've found this helpful in a couple ways, one learning how others think and two, not being thought of as an egotist.

Perhaps saying the other person's name in conversation has something of the same effect?