Shunned at work? OUCH!

Post Reply New Topic

Hey guys. I decided to put this in the "Social" catergory since it's not about the job, so much as my coworkers. I just finished my last day at work today after a two-week notice. I wanted to know what other people here think of this observation. There were several guys there that just didn't seem to care for me. Not that they had anything against me that I know of, but they often seemed irritated or annoyed when I approached them, even though it was only work-related. At first, a few of them seemed to kinda like me, but they must have seen something in me they didn't care for, because when I'd walk by, they started keeping their eyes down, and seemed to have pissy looks on their faces. I inclined my head a few times, but they seemed to be leery of me, and didn't say hi back. I figured it could be

A) I'm too mature/serious for their type (they're very urban.) Even though they know I get stoned at work with everyone else, it doesn't make a difference to them.

B) They witnessed something weird (I sometimes mutter under my breath out of boredom, and even though I can control this, it still slips out once in a while.

C) They dismissed me as a stuck up jerk, seeing as I didn't feel comfortable and didn't banter with them during break.

D) I just ain't cool enough.

This might seem trivial, but it still hurts, and it reminds me of other job situations where almost everyone treated me that bad (Worse, even!) I found it strange, because most everyone else there seemed alright with me. Most didn't pay me any mind, but that could be because I'm to myself. Anyway, what do you think?

Same here.... I had several nearly identical experiences. I just can't relate with co-workers and they can sense my weirdness. If I start a job, my co-workers seem to like me and try to include me in things for about a week or so. However, once they sense that I do not have "IT", they turn on me and start to make fun of me behind my back. It seems like it starts when all of your co-workers are mingling in a group during down time and you make an awkward attempt to join them; they sense that you are really not involved with the crowd or part of the social chain. My co-workers would always talk about cars and such plebian things that were of no interest to me and I had a hard time keeping a conversation going. I guess they did think that I was shunning them but more likely they realized that I was an anachronism and they systematically pariahed me.

I give off a stench of uncoolness and arrogance in my daily manner. This obviously did not mesh at the blue-collar jobs where I was previously employed. There is an expectation to use slang and slap backs. Anyway, I don't know exactly what went on at your place of work but what you described was pretty much a mild version of all my experiences. I think your experience was a combination of A,B,C,D, with an emphasis on C.

I noticed that sometimes the "cool" guys will try and include an outcast type guy in the group if they sense that he is trying hard to fit in but is just not able to. Sometimes, a boss or other Alpha guy would try and become my "mentor" and try and make me cool but I would always resist vehemently. Fitting in is overrated. I just want to do my job and go home. I don't care if I talk to anyone(execpt hot girl co-workers.) Part of my problem is that I like to do Push-ups, squats, and wall-chairs at work just to keep my blood flowing, and co-workers seem to get upset or interrogative if I start to exercise at work. I can't help myself.

Thanks for your response, brother. Yeah, I've had all those experiences myself, even the pushup one. Funny, back in High School I was a TA for this one teacher during her break, but couldn't find anything to do. I came to hate the two other girls who were maybe TAs (LOL, I don't even know why they were there... oh wait, they were on the Newspaper.) Anyway, they didn't like me, and I didn't make an effort to disguise my weirdness. One day I was doing pushups in the corner of the room, and I realized their constant babble had ceased. I stopped mid-pushup and craned my head in their direction to see them staring at me. They burst into mirthful, nasty laughter, but I couldn't help but laugh along. Didn't know they were watching me. Anyway, thanks for your input! I need to stop now, I don't want to make this ALL about me!

People just turn on you at the slightest hint of weirdness(but I prefer to call it individuality.)

I've had the same experience at all of my jobs. I also don't like sports... at all. The others at least made some effort to include me in things, but once somebody asked "Do you like football?" and my only response was "no", they all stopped talking to me completely.
I really don't care, though. I just want to do my work in peace and go home.

You're more exposed to being fired or laid off or demoted when you don't fit in with the crowd. it's easier to reject/treat worse an employee that has no strong links with others in the company. This is what happens to me at jobs and I always end up being fired. Was fired yesterday again, for the same reason. All my imperfections would be forgivable if I was "in" the crowd.

This is true, and it totally sucks.

yeah, standing out from the herd attracts punishment. what can you do though. i don't stand out because i want to.

Yeah I have this problem too, I've been through a lot of jobs, needless to say.

I think what usually happens is that you offend someone without realizing it. It could be something trivial, but I think it's not worth getting upset over. A lot of people who work the same job day after day and start to get too comfortable in their surroundings, and have a lot of unseen expectations and ways of doing things.
The other thing is that most people will naturally make an effort to reach out to the new guy, but when you don't show interest in them in return, they might feel... I don't know... like they're not interesting or something.

Guys at work treat me differently than each other. They don't think of me as one of them. It sucks, but I am not one of them, though, I'm not NT.