Getting an adult Aspie designated dependent

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Hello! I am new to this website. Our son is 21 and has been diagnosed with Aspergers since the fourth grade. We are really behind the ball on this, but we need to get him designated as a dependent so that we can continue to insure him under our health insurance and provide other protections. He is unable to live independently. Does anyone have experience in getting designation as dependent (I'm not even sure the terminology is correct). We live in California, if that matters.

We need to know how we go about getting Social Security Disability as well, since we will need to provide a way for him to live after we are gone.

Any help would be appreciated!

All I know that getting him listed as a dependent on your insurance will require a letter from a doctor. As for social security, getting him on it will likely require that you go through the appeals process, expect to need a lawyer, and expect it to take 2 years.

I highly advise getting a disability lawyer for this process. It can be rather difficult, and without one you may run into some difficulty.

I would consider getting a disability lawyer because I would think that this would involve getting guardianship/conservatorship and each states laws differ in this regard.

Generally, you will have to petition the court, the judge will assign a lawyer to be your son's guardian ad litem in this case, a psychological review will be made with the state choosing who does this (in consultation with his current doctors I would believe). The judge then would make the determination based on the evidence on whether you son needs a guardian/conservator and who that should be and what rights should be given to the guardian/conservator and what rights your son may retain (such as the right to vote).

Please note to consider carefully whether your son will always not be able to care for himself as this is a very serious step. Once guardianship/conservatorship is established, it usually cannot be removed unless you son can basically prove that he is not autistic anymore (yeah, yeah, I can hear the snickers right now). You will also have to determine who will be guardian/conservator once you pass away, otherwise the state will make that determination.

As for social security disability, you will probably need the lawyer too because basically, you have to prove that your son cannot hold down a job and will never be able to and that is a hard thing to prove. You are probably looking at a 3 - 5 year fight for that.

This really should have been done before your son turned 18 because technically, you son right now is an adult and you really have no say in his life. I am surprised that his doctors did not refuse to give you information or some other event where you were denied something did not occur sooner.

Thanks, all, for your input. It looks like we have a long road ahead of us!

I would really talk to your son about this. After all, even though he has AS, he really should get a say in whether or not you seek power of attorney over him. And you DO need his consent, unless it's been proven that he's completely incapacitated.

You also have to make sure that a third-party lawyer talks to him about this, and all of it's implications. He would need to go over the exact processes and what he can and can't do if you have power of attorney over him.

It's just that parents can sometimes be very biased about their explanations, and paint a rosier picture than it really is. Then, the disabled person doesn't realize that they've been had until their parent decides to take away a major freedom.

Don't be surprised if he says no. Having power of attorney over someone essentially takes away their adulthood and dignity. It's NOT a decision to be entered into lightly. It's only supposed to be used in cases of SEVERE physical/mental disability, severe mental illness, or in the case of a person whose Alzheimer's/Dementia is starting to impact their quality of life.

If he says no, you must respect his decision.

Maybe it's different where you are, but I've experienced a case where a person who has held power of attorney over someone has moved them across two provinces to an institution without their consent (or the consent of their common-law husband).

A poster here granted her parent's power of attorney, and they committed her to an institution without her consent.

There is no question that holding power of attorney over someone limits the individual's freedoms. Anyone whose parents approach them about it needs to know the implications of legal guardianship/power of attorney in their province/state/country.