Why do they say we have no empathy?

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It has often been noted that there tends to be a great deal of trouble in relating to others along the lines of emotional content reciprication ie empathy..Anyways, I'm not fond of how wrongfully "Nt's" sometimes see "us" as being cold,callous psychopathic or something close to that nature..Realistically speaking, we're not without emotion just have problems with being able to express them in various degrees that's all..

I would like to think I have compasion and empthey. However I can understand why people may think that I am lacking in both. For one thing I realy don't know how i am susposed to behive around people. I know how to fake it or get by. I do so by keeping a distance and not talking too much. Thus I avoide saying or doing something that will be looked down upon.

Empathy (to know how someone is feeling) is directly proportional to ToM, so of course there would be a wide range of ability to do this in the aspie communitiy

Compassion (to feel for another with passion) is easily within the range of aspies (although we are all different).

That said, many aspies do feel the emotions around them in a psychic way (source Women from Another Planet). I am interested in how empathism is different from empathy.

For me empathism is generally for negative emotions, is nebulous and unhelpful, and very anxiety producing. I think empthy is more of a tool to be used to know the best response to another and results in a bonding experience. I am empathic, not particularly empathetic - but very compassionate

What do you think??

Very well said Paul! The only thing that I would say differently, as least as it pertains to me personally, is that, "I am no more or less empathic than the average person, but I am more empathetic and more compassionate than your average NT male."

I also still think the ToM research is poorly conceived and poorly conducted.

What makes absolutely no sense to me is that, at least the books and research papers I have read on ToM and AS, make the ridiculous assumption that somehow, as an adult, a person with AS is still generally deficient in their ToM. While we may begin life with a greater obstacle to overcome in regards to ToM (perhaps due to weak central coherence or some other as of yet undetermined source), the acquisiton of ToM skills is not dependent on our initial state. By definition, the acquisition of ToM requires many years of experience to develop. Surely even those with AS who, as a young child appeared to have a deficit in ToM could develop reasonable ToM through experience.

ToM is a simple skill and, unless we have generally shunned social experiences, then we too should be able to develop ToM on par with everyone else. This would be a very simple thing to test. And perhaps it has already been tested. But, unfortunately, the books written purportedly to help AS people (at least those I have read) do not appear to address this very important factor. You would think that parents of children with AS would absolutely need to know this. Likewise, therapists, significant others, etc in some form of relationship with an AS adult need to know this. Heck, we ourselves need to know this so that we can explain to those we care about why we either do or don't function well in a ToM sense.

Everyone seems to have their own definition of empathy.

NT's generally use this definition.

The intellectual/emotional identification and connection with anothers state

This what some autistics call compassion, so let's call this empathy/compassion definition, which is the definition most NTs use for the word.

I have this in spades, however my empathy/compassion button is generally reserved for those who I think are telling the truth and I like. Liars and cruel people tend to shut my empathy/compassion button off and instead press my rage and irritation button.

Some autistics seem to use this definition.

The identification of anothers emotional state

I also have this, I can generally read facial expressions and voice intonation, however some people are good actors so I can be fooled, as are alot of NTs (despite claims to the contrary). All of this stuff isn't really about psychic stuff, it's just about reading facial expression, voice intonation, and body language and there are misinterpretations of it as well since none of this stuff is actually "psychic" or "telepathic" in nature, so it's not absolute.

I don't think we autistics actually lack empathy/compassion/connection or empathy/identification, I myself have both but that's me and I can't speak for everyone, but I think autistics and NTs just lack understanding, and this is what happens when people assume without knowing for certain. I don't know how to precisely put this lack of understanding between autistics and NTs though.

When I first began to realize that this big ole bag of "what's wrong with me" had a name, one of the terms I came across was "anosognosia": not knowing one's-self. At first I thought it was nuts, of course I know myself - but I don't. I am constantly making an impression that was different from my intent; coming across all wrong. I think this profound lack of self awareness has slowed down my ability to develop ToM.

One of the ways ToM deficit has affected me the most is difficulty realizing when someone is being nice to me because they are planning to hurt me. After two $%%# abusive mariages, I am no better and no smarter. I just take a don't-let-anyone-near attitude. If you could give some dear abby advice, No_Exit, I would be very grateful.
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Your right about that I do relate to others when in similar situations unless their being vain or selfish.Also I find most NT's to be lacking in compassion while those on the spectrum to have lots.