How did your parents raise you?

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Which one of these was the prevailing style that your parents used to raise you?

It would idealistic (and utopian?) to expect parents to keep to, say, an authoritative style throughout all difficulties and hardships. So this is just asking for the prevailing style. The one your parents used on you or your siblings throughout those times that were 'average' and not marked by extreme and sudden changes or issues.

And of course, AS and similar disorders also probably had a major influence over how many were treated by their parents and how their parents' style worked (or failed) on them.


So, was/is it authoritative? Consequently expect to keep to rules and restitutions, a lot of monitoring (know where a child is, who his/her friends are), demand high social competence and ability to cooperate, affectionate. Supposedly leads to that children develop high self-esteem, less chance to develop depression, anxiety or aggression, less inclined to get in contact with drugs, complete school and job without major problems.

Or authoritarian? Strict rules, high expectations, rarely taking a child's wants and needs into account. Supposedly leads to that many children who were raised like this do not have problems in their later lives, in schools and jobs (not taking such things as AS into account of course!), but often suffer from low-self-esteem, are more anxious than their peers and they're easier to unsettle.

Permissive? Setting few clear and strict restrictions, avoiding conflicts, few cooperation demanded (few chores and such). Very enthusiastically trying to help with developing the independence of the child. Supposedly leads to that children have a hard time learning discipline, do not develop a lot of control over their emotions and impulses and may have problems keeping away from drugs and similar.

Or neglecting? Self-explanatory probably. Parents who both do not set rules and have expectations, but also do not show a lot of affection to their children. Supposedly harms children the most.

Basically, they didn't. I was born into a highly dysfunctional family where my needs were the least of anyone else's problems. I just got on with it, cooked my own meals from very young. And yes it's left me feeling just a tad angry and messed up.

Between authoritative and authoritarian. I voted authoritarian as most people I knew then, children, and some adults, noticed/ remarked on my parent's strictness.

I suspect that both my parents are near or on the spectrum, and my sister too, so I think that the authoritatarian style was AS-ish insistence on silence, rules, lots of structure except when playing, tidy/discrete table-manners, rigid timetables and order, because any other way of being, ( in their house ), disturbed them, their "system", and that included ideas/beliefs aswell. I went in the other extreme as a teenager/young adult, and then after a breakdown in my mid-late twenties discovered that I too needed many things to be "just so". I wonder what my 9 year old AS/PDD son would vote.

... He thinks it's "permissive", with some authoritative aspects. Hmm. It might have been more authoritative/arian if his father was AS and "we" were parents unified over our need for structure etc, but he is NT, and there is nothing like the strong/intimidating "parental-front" which I experienced with mine.

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Permissive with very strict rules: no drugs, no alcohol (until 18), no smoking and no criminal activity (violence/stealing) - apart from that i could do what i wanted. It worked out fine for me because i have a pretty well developed sense of morale and i was able to control myself and my rage i had against bullies and other people.

I never got into fights (= never started them, but i finished them), i never did anything bad to anyone else, i never hacked a system that i did not own - when i have been interested in testing something, i did it against my own setup. Instead of going out and making problems for society, i spend most of my youth behind the keyboards of my computers. At times i went out to the pub around the time when i was 20, but i never really liked it that much, too many people, i felt like livestock in there.

As i left the teens i changed. I used to be a person that always thought the best of people, but that thing got lost when i became an adult and saw the world for what it really was - a cesspool controlled by greedy egotistical sociopaths.

Somewhere between permissive and neglecting.

In a way though, I have this to thank for my complete independence at such a young age, which has also led me to achieve a lot more than most people my age.

Well, it was a long time ago. The immediate requirements were clear. Do well in school, don't make trouble.

My elder sister was pretty normal, and I just fitted in behind her. My younger brother - no, I'm not really sure. Anyway, he got away with whatever he could behind the two of us. Hell, it was the 1950's. Parents just hung on to whatever they could still believe in. And me, I just hung on to whatever I could still believe in. It was the late 60s before that evaporated completely.

Permissive in regards to my mother who is normal (however, I like to call how she raised me as understanding, in addition to adequate love and affection), and neglecting for my father who has AS (borderline, really).

It was the same for both my sister and I.

A mixture of authoritative and permissive, but leaning towards permissive.

I was treated like I had AIDS or cancer or like an invalid (an absolute disgrace) for the first 7 to 8 years. There was no hopes or expectations; what my mum told me she only wanted for me to live. For the first years of my life I was put into special needs education which I would not put a dog in those places. I do remember there was expectations for my brothers and sister but none for me and when it came to talking about me I was missed on expectation and they would change the subject. My father was a violent alcoholic who was abusive towards me. This was pure Aspiphobia. I feel pretty angry when I look back on it as I was treated as though I only had the same social status of a dog Just because I had Asperger syndrome.

I was put into a failing secondary school which suffered from institutionalised Aspiphobia. I experienced bullying/discrimination for approximately up to 24 hours a day at home and at school. Christmases were good as a child which was only because they would leave me alone and I could pig out. After my father left in 1980 afer I was punched like a human punchbag in 1979 and a lot of ther things that year. After 1980 I was emothionally abused by my mum and later accused of lying about my mum to try to make her look bad. I would not have bben accused of lying if I was a neurotypical. They including my sister are still Aspiphobes after all this time. I know that in the 1960s,70s and 1908s no one heard of Asperger syndromebut to me this is getting a pretty old excuse now.

Authoritarian.

When I was born in the late 1960s, my parents were older than many at the time (in their late 30s), which these days is no big deal, but back then it meant that they were from a totally different era with very different rules. Actually, they were old-fashioned even among their peers, because I remember some of their friends of the same age looking on appalled at how strictly I was treated, especially by my mother.

The real bummer was that my brother seems to have been given a lot more leeway than me, and he was born in the 1950s. I recall recently we were looking through some old photos and came across one of him as a teen, in maybe 1970 or something, with long hair like lots of teen boys had then, and I was like 'What did Mother say about that?' and he was like 'Well, she just had to accept it, I mean, all my mates had hair like that...' When I was growing up, if my hair was 'wrong' it was The End Of Civilization As We Know It, or at the very least I'd end up unloved and in the gutter. He was also, I think, dating a lot earlier than I was allowed to. Actually, even as an adult it was assumed that he could make his own choices, whereas I always needed their 'guidance' (i.e. 'This is what we want you to do'), and that annoyed the heck out of me.

I'm guessing it's because my mother's style of parenting was out of the 1930s or before, and the life of a girl was supposed to be much more limited than that of a boy back then. But for them still to be treating me that way in the 1980s made me even more of a misfit than I already was, because a lot of stuff I wanted to do that was actually more or less normal for a teen girl (wanting some degree of choice over my school courses, college etc, wanting privacy and to be allowed to listen to my music) was stuff they regarded as totally outrageous. That was before AS even came to it. (Of course, back then they just saw me as 'weird' and hoped I could be disciplined out of it...and probably would have believed the same if I'd been diagnosed. They were very much of their era in their understanding of human differences...i.e. they made no attempt to do so.)

Permissive. I've NEVER had a problem with drugs or the law. I'm now 22 and have never tried a tobacco or alcohol.

I don't really fit any. The permissive one is quite close, but we still had rules, and they definitely didn't actively encourage independence; it's more like they went with the flow in that area.

There was a little bit of neglect here and there in the earlier years given that my parents are totals slobs and don't explain their expectations of me half the time but it's been for the most part authoritarian, given that my mom is an old-school Korean lady who grew up very poor and has traditional-East Asian style expectations: good education, expects me to marry someone of good wealth...and blah blah blah

And my dad raised me like an army brat but he acts pathetically autistic in ways you can't even imagine.

Both of them expect far too much from me than I am capable of...they expect me to be normal!

half assed, but oh well

I was raised in an authoritative manner. The way that kids should be raised.