Ever feel like AS/ASD is the only thing that defines you?

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I don't know if this is common or if I have some inferiority complex...

I'm good at drawing, but I'm not. I can only copy other people's drawings 99% perfect, my savant-like Autism-related talent.
I'm good at writing, but I'm not. I know how to string words together and make them sound good, but I have the creative skills of a goldfish on sedatives, so I can't write fiction. I could write non-fiction but my knowledge is rather scattered, I don't know enough about any particular subject. I could be a journalist, but I have fairly good morals that I don't plan to spoil anytime soon.
I'm good at maths, but I'm not. I like working with triangles and I can explain why 0.9 recurring is actually equal to 1, but that's not really enough to boast about.

I feel like a decathlete; jack of all, master of none.

If I meet someone new the first thing I tell them is that I have AS, but not in a precautionary way. More like...in the same way you would approach someone and say, "I like listening to music of the 80's." or "I'm really into scale model cars." trying to find a common ground, giving someone a preview of what you're like as a person.


The short way of putting this?;

I don't know who I am when Asperger's is taken out of the equation. Does anyone else feel this way too?

My boyfriend is constantly upset that he doesn't feel like he excels at anything, I personally think he is a very good writer...but he seems to no longer entertain that, it was for more angsty times it seems.

...but looking objectively at that scenario and being NT myself, I honestly feel that applies to many people in this world.

NT, AS or anyone in between...sometimes a person is just good at being average, I don't think there is any shame in that.

Most of the people I knew that seemingly weren't a star at any one thing, were the best people to be around...they were actually well-rounded on a whole.

Ehhh...what you guys say makes a lot of sense...
Maybe I need to relax more and stop thinking about things too much?
(Damn, I need a holiday!)

If it makes you feel any better. LOL

I have "many" things I am good at, but I am far too lazy to do them. : P

...and I have a few things {one in particular} that I excel at, but I don't do it in any form that makes any type of difference to anyone.


Except to me perhaps, but I would do it in that low key form even if I was terrible at it. LOL

I do not think AS is the only thing that defines me, but everyone else in my life, especially my sister, thinks it is the only thing about me. I have more important things that define me, like a smart, beautiful, wonderful person. Because of everyone else's opinion of me, that is the only thing I am exposed to and the only "trait" that is used in my life, which makes me feel less of a person and more of a moron who is helpless, even though I am more capable then even they are at everything, except for the social-emotional issues.

Not at all. My personality is much more dominant than my AS.

At this point, I voted yes. The reason---I have always spent what seems like over 90% of my thinking time absorbed in my interests. I always seem to be planning my future based on interests that I got intensely interested because of autism. I love my interests, so therefore I love autism. I do not crave the social scene---which is good because I have no social life outside of my family.

To AJCoyne:

When you mention not being able to create but rather copy with 99% accuracy---isn't that the criteria part of AS called "lack of imaginary play"? I may be wrong there, but I think that is true. I too am a savant. My skill is in music and memorized data of roller coasters. Let me give you an example of this. I am working on a huge HO scale model train layout in my basement complete with a big old traditional amusement park. Since I am known as an expert on roller coasters, you would think I could design my own. Wrong. My model coasters I am constructing from old 1920s blueprints. But I am laying them out on my amusement park the way I want it. That is creative---however, my main layout is greatly inspired by the old Coney Island Amusement Park in Cincinnati, Ohio. There are differences, but I just can't seem to come up with my own design---again some lack of creativity there. I have a haunted house dark ride. I am creating the interior scenes for it based off of old horror comics of the early 1970s. So again, I rely on existing stuff to reprocess into my stuff. I don't think this is a bad thing though.

Let's look at a very famous person thought of as creative---Walt Disney. Creative? Well, think again. Most of his theme park attractions were modified off of old amusment patents of the early 20th century. His 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea was of course inspired by Jules Verne, and the ride itself was already patented in the early 1900s as the Submarine Boat Ride. His Peter Pan's Flight was a reworking of an early 1900s patent called A Trip in an Airship---which debuted at the old New York Dreamland amusement park in the 1910s. And look at Disney's cartoons/movies---aren't most of them other people's works?

I don't think I am answering your question very well---I got into a speech of my interests---sorry . I have to go now, a class is coming into my classroom. I will respond more on this later.

You know, I'm like you. I'm a talented writer that has been published. Still, I cannot write fiction. I have tried and failed.

I do draw and I can't copy completely realistically. I do creative things with my art, like coloring in the pieces of objects in different colors. It's because I tend to see things in pieces, rather than wholes.

AS does define most of who I am. I don't feel defined by what kind of music I listen to or what I do.

The only exception is that I define myself as "artsy." I dress in an artsy way (kind of a neo-hippy/bohemian look, but my own invention,) and love the arts in general.

This is my honest answer, but for years I based my entire identity on the idea that I did not have AS and that people had been "wrong" to label me.

I'm sorry, but even though I showed all of the supposed "symptoms" I was encouraged by family not to think I was AS because the people conducting the assessment were deemed to be "wrong".

Honestly, I felt better denying that I had AS in spite of all my difficulties because people accepted me as a person and not a label. It was actually a relief to be rid of the label. It also allowed me to be educated mainstream and I learned a lot from that experience. I received less pity and was respected for who I was, not judged as a label.

It was only later on that I discovered that I did indeed have social difficulties.
Also there were nagging doubts in my mind because people kept commenting on my clumsy motor coordination and poor handwriting skills.

Also, I noticed later on through casual observation that many people showed supposed AS traits, not just in family, but outside too. It made me question the definition of AS and what was really going on.

As for my current identity, I'm really not sure.
I used to define myself so much on the idea that I wasn't AS because others who cared me encouraged this attitude because they didn't see anything "wrong" with me. They didn't think that I deserved a negative label.

This is my experience.

I guess this counts as a complicated answer.
I was in the unusual position of being told that AS existed years ago.

I can draw something in front of me very well and have had this skill since I was very young. However if you ask me to draw something, like a dog or something, from my mind it would look like a 6 year old drew it. I think i'd prefer to be average at everything then excel at one thing and be terrible at another. Its all or nothing really.

I haven't been tested or anything to officially call myself a savant yet, compared to what other savants can do I deem my talent rather useless and boring. I found your post very interesting to read glider18, and I think pretty much everything you said was true- nothing is truly original.
My lack of creativity still frustrates me though...I want to be special, you know? I want people to remember me when I'm gone.

AmberEyes...I want to say I understand you, but I really don't. I guess I've always been looking for a label, something I can hide behind...

Being autistic is definitely a huge part of my personality, but it is not the only part of my personality. We are all different even though we are spectrumites. Therefor, I ticked, "My answer is too complex to categorize as 'yes' or 'no' ".