Is flirting and hitting on somebody the same thing?

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Can you flirt with somebody without hitting on them?

Of course you can. Thus the term 'innocent flirtation'.

You cannot, however, 'Hit On' without flirting. Actually, I think of 'Hitting On' as graphically suggestive, clumsy, ham-handed flirting, accompanied by leering and ogling, that usually comes off as creepy and crude. It rarely works, except with sluts.

Okay. But your idea of what crosses the line between the two will vary between people. Wont it?

I see the difference between flirting with and hitting-on someone based on the context. and purpose You hit on someone when you approach her and engage her in conversation with the primary purpose of trying to initiate relationship. Your approach can be flirty or it can be ham-handed or it can be something else. So flirting can be coextensive with hitting on. Flirting, however, can also mean incidental flirting behavior. Sometimes it is innocent. For example, I flirt with a coworker in a long-term committed relationship and vice versa. Other times, the contact that results in flirting is based on a pretext. But that's just my opinion.

I think it is safe to say that the difference between "flirting" and "hitting on" is a difference of degree, not kind. That is, they fall somewhere on the same sliding scale.

Yep. Flirting can be innocuous but hitting on someone means that you want something more from them.

"more from them."?
Okay, so hitting on means sex?

From that I would think that you could hit on someone without really flirting.

I don't think "hitting on someone" has to mean after sex. It's a foreign term for me so could be totally wrong
I'm pretty sure it "means wants to get closer" though.

Flirting might only be a game. Neither person may have any intention of going any further. (Though they could )

That's the way I see it. I think flirtation is more of a means of attraction--an attempt to pull the other person in so they want to know more about you or engage in a relationship. Hitting on means there isn't a back and forth, it seems to imply a one-way relationship or attempt toward one.

Hitting on--aggressively showing/suggesting that you are interested in that person as more than friends. Seems you hear of more instances of guys hitting on someone, I don't hear about 'that girl was hitting on him' that often. Usually when someone hits on you it isn't pleasant (or at least doesn't bring a pleasant picture to my mind)...it makes me think of someone being creepy, relentless, not taking no for an answer.

Flirting--can be innocent and playful between friends (of the opposite sex), between you and a stranger (hitting on someone can be too, but I don't take flirting as a rude gesture), even between two people already in a relationship or two interested in each other.

Those are just my ideas of the two.

So can you flirt in a way that shows you are interested in that person sexually but not be aggressive or hitting on them?

Hitting on - flirting as a means to an end

Some people enjoy flirting as an end in itself. I suspect that these people are mostly female.

I think you can, but it requires back and forth. Flirting...well, you have to think of it as a dance. Feedback from your partner is very key. I could tell you some things to signal interest, but if you aren't paying close attention to her feedback (something we all struggle with) you might miss the mark.

Look for signs that she wants you to make a move--touching her face, arm, neck,, playing with jewelry, twirling her hair, prolonged eye contact--particularly a kind of sideways glance, with her chin tilted towards you, looking at you through her lashes, leaning toward you or moving any body part in your direction as she speaks (she shrugs, but the shoulder comes toward you, she bounces her ankle, but the toe points toward you). These all give you a green light to keep going.

Compliment her sincerely. Don't say she has beautiful skin if she doesn't--she'll think you're making fun and definitely that you're creepy. Find something nice to say about her, but don't make it a big deal--you have to keep it casual and breezy. Heavy breathing, staring and blurting out "you've got really great...knockers" (yeah, laugh all you want, I've heard this...) is a sure way to be filed under "creepy".

Find a reason to engage her in conversation--try to find out what will make her smile--or better yet laugh. If she seems receptive, then you can move on to heavier flirtation--buy her a coffee (or a drink, or get her a refill), find an excuse to make physical contact (guide her to the table with a light touch on her arm or shoulder--if she doesn't pull away, you've got another green light). Remember it's a dance, so when you make a move forward like touching her or her glass or something, pull back for a bit and watch--see if she does the same back. Be happy if she brushes a crumb from your mouth or picks at lint (although not too happy, it can mean she's wanting to mother you, so I wouldn't purposefully paint on a milk moustache to get her attention).

Find a reason to share food and pick from the same plate. If you're eating something she expresses interest in, offer her a bite--feed it to her if you can.

If things are going well, find a way to exchange contact info with her--if you're at a social event find a reason to snap a pic of her and her friends (again if they want you to...this could easily get creepy) so that you have to get an e-mail or her phone number to send it to her. Again, don't go overkill, but be on the lookout for an opening.

Now...if you can figure out how to do that smoothly and on the fly, I will be very jealous. I understand the mechanics, but can't seem to make it work in real life, because I usually can't pick up on the whole thing and don't send the right green light signals. Good luck.

Thanks, this is good information.

In my opinion, yeah. The only time I can recall being hit on (or seeing friends being hit on), it feels uncomfortable and just makes me want to get away from the guy. Flirting is more innocent and is less likely to scare a girl off.

Some of the guys I dance with love to flirt with me. They know I'm married and that it's totally just for fun. Flirting is part of the fun of dancing.

Edited to add: I pondered about how I *know* this and realized - the flirting is always public. No flirting if we happen to be alone, just conversation. And often conversation about our significant others.

Yes, flirting is a lot more subtle, but it often acts as a signal that it could go further between you and the other person.