— Ken M.

Read on for Julie’s response!
Ken, just let things be. This girl is no longer interested, and she doesn’t want to admit it to you directly. At the same time, she’s too chicken even to dodge you without pretending not to – thus the “boundary” game.

I admit to dodging guys I’ve dated. The reason is that some men I have rejected directly have become hostile and argumentative. I prefer silence to being harangued and pushed to present a strong case regarding why I don’t want to date somebody. It’s almost as if the guy thinks that if I don’t win the argument, I’ll have to date him again!

On the other hand, I think someone you’ve interacted with to the extent of meeting them in person three times deserves an honest rejection, at the very least. Not only that, but if a guy has made it through three dates, he’s probably polite enough not to be a jerk about it. You never know, though; and maybe this girl has had some bad experiences that way. I’m not saying that makes it okay; I’m saying that could be why she chooses to avoid you rather than dealing with you directly.

In general, silent rejection has become standard online dating practice, probably for just this sort of reason. Dodging simply comes with the online territory, whether or not you think it’s right or fair. It’s something you have to learn to live with if you want to play the game.

In terms of the distance factor, I personally would want the guy to be the one to travel. I can see why you wouldn’t want to invest a significant amount of travel time and expense in someone who’s likely to fizzle, though. You could travel the first time to see if there’s a spark, but then wait awhile before going again. In the interim, you could try to gauge how and whether she continues to respond to you in chat and/or on the phone.

On the other hand, an hour’s drive is really not that major in Internet dating land. Some people get on airplanes for this, you know. Imagine how annoyed you’d be if she’d lived in another country!

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A stress-free pregnancy can deliver a popular child
by TAHIRA YAQOOB, Daily Mail

10:03am 9th November 2005

Stress free mum: ensures a happy child

All mothers-to-be wonder what kind of adult their baby will become.
Will their child grow into a sociable creature, for instance, bonding easily with others? Or will he or she struggle to make friends?

Scientists now believe they have discovered the key to ensuring a child’s success in forming relationships – their mother must avoid stress while pregnant.

Stressed mothers-to-be produce more of the male hormone testosterone, thought to be responsible for poor people and communication skills and even the condition autism.

So the secret to having a more sociable baby is to relax during pregnancy, say researchers.

The impact of stress on babies in the womb from as early as 13 weeks is thought to be so great it can lead to children being slower at picking up language skills, finding it harder to form relationships and being more inclined to develop obsessional traits.

In the extreme, they could show symptoms of autism, a neurological condition characterised by a difficulty in developing relationships and being obsessed with routine.

Foetuses produce testosterone naturally but are also affected by levels of the hormone in the surrounding amniotic fluid which come from the mother.

Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, director of Cambridge University’s autism research centre, revealed his findings yesterday at a conference in London examining whether women made better leaders.

His team studied 100 children, from early in the womb to the age of seven, to see how testosterone levels have affected their development.

They found that even 24 hours after being born, boys – who have up to ten times as much testosterone as girls – were showing less interest in people and more interest in mechanical objects than females.

At 12 months, babies with higher levels of the hormone in the womb had poor eye contact with their parents.

And at 18 months, children with high pre-natal testosterone could not talk or had a limited vocabulary while other youngsters spoke up to 600 words.

When they started school, children with higher levels were finding it more difficult to socialise.

Professor Baron-Cohen said while testosterone was partly genetic, it was also present in fluctuating amounts in the amniotic fluid.

He added: “The mother’s level of stress is a factor in the testosterone level and makes it go up. We do not know what percentage of that level is genetic.

“What we do know is that the higher the level in the womb, the slower children are at making eye contact and developing language.

“Less testosterone means better human relationships. The differences may become even clearer as the children in our study get older.”

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