Hi, I am new here but have concerns (this is going to be long but I appreciate your time)
To be clear from the start, the boy in question is my partners son and due to the less than great relationship between the parties, it is difficult to figure out how much is nature and how much nurture-and to be honest if my concerns are warranted, there is probably very little I can do, I guess I want to be prepared to support my partner with knowledge if/when a diagnosis is made.
He is coming up 4yrs old (in May) and I have known him 2 years (I live with his dad who has him every second weekend)
so these are my observations/concerns
TOE WALKING-When I first met him this was one of the first things I noticed, but due to his age (2) I wasnt overly concerned and neither was his dad when I mentioned it, however he still toe walks sometimes.
SPEECH DELAY- As he approached 3 it became obvious that his speech was delayed, my partner was rather upset that I would call his son "thick", but with persistence and almost at the cost of our relationship he realised I had a point. When he tried to discuss it with his ex (his mum) she refused to believe it and said he was just shy. Eventually my partner arranged an assessment on a weekend he had him, his delay was confirmed and he was referred to MOE.
TOILET TRAINING- Not long after his 3rd birthday his mum said she was beginning toilet training, so for consistency so did we, when he was doing OK and was dry for a day we sent him home in undies assuming he was also being reminded at home to go to the toilet after a car ride. This resulted in a text of "what the bleep are you doing putting him in undies" at this time it became clear to us that he wasn't being trained at home. His mum has since said she never started (despite saying she would) so we are unsure if she quit because he was struggling. He clearly knows the process because he will take his action man toy to the toilet, make a wee noise and head to the fridge for a treat for him, but if we ask if he wants to be like action man and go to the toilet he will say no, only to wet/poo his pants a minute late (if we make him sit on the toilet he will wee, but never poo, unless we catch him in the act at a time he cant stop) He will go and hide in another room to poo his pants, so he "knows" what he is doing, but when asked if he poo'd his pants he says "no poo". Not sure if he doesn't want the hassle of being cleaned up or if he is unaware.
HAIR CUTS/HEAD TOUCHING-this is another area of concern. He has always dis-liked his head being touched. When I first met him as he was learning to walk down stairs if we tried to balance him by holding a hoodie or similar near his head he would hit our hand away and a hair cut was out of the question. His mum said she wanted his hair long, but when his dad insisted on a hair cut she agreed but never got it done (possibly wasn't up for the challenge) when we finally got sick of waiting and had it done a lot of distraction and bribery was required.
SOCIAL INTERACTION- this is interesting because my partner thinks he is quite social, however due to these other "clues" I looked closer, at the beach or park he is happy to play alone, if other kids approach he will just ignore them. If he is in a group with his brother or another adult (usually other mothers) he will sit within the group, but do his own thing or interact with the adult, but not the other kids. At home his favourite interaction is play fighting with his brother (as boys do) but sometimes he doesn't know when to stop even if his older brother is crying. his prefers to play alone and has happily spent an entire day in a large box (he could get out if he wanted too) another quirk is if he sees a female of similar build to his mum he will approach and say "hi mum" and when with his mum he will do similar to any male in a blue car, like he is reacting to the idea of who they are rather than who they actually are, however when with us he knows who we are. Along similar lines we have just taught him who he is when we show him a photo of himself, however he will say "name" never "me" when we ask "who's that?"
EATING- if this was standing alone I would just think he is a typical fussy eater. Breakfast is no issue when he is hungry, but lunch and dinner are another matter, what he used to love now he wont touch. His mum pointed out if we put a small amount on a plate he will eventually eat it after sniffing it, and if we keep topping it up he will eventually get through a normal sized meal, but if that amount is offered in one go it will be refused (even if it was a favourite last week)
AGGRESSION- other than play fighting he has displayed aggression toward his pet goats (unsure if this is ongoing as we were only told when blamed for it) However with other animals he likes to pat them. One possibility is a goat butted him and this lead him to believe that was the correct way to interact with goats (misreading the cues)
REPETITIVE BEHAVIOUR- he has mild repetitive behaviours, such as turning the vacuum on and off, we have to unplug it to get him to stop. He stacks the coasters, then hand them out, get them back and repeats. One time he saw me sitting with my feet up on the coffee table, now anytime he sees me sitting there he will lift my feet onto the coffee table (Sameness)
MOTOR SKILLS- he has a combination of abilities here. he cant do somethings like pedal a bike/trike and struggles with buttons, but can throw a ball and stack blocks and wind up a toy. he loves to climb anything, but has no fear at all (its a great problem solving/spatial awareness skill)
CANS- I feel like I have pointed out so many "cants" or delays, so what can he do? he can dress himself, throw a ball. stack blocks, pretend play (eg take action man to the toilet) and count. He can follow simple instructions and he is generally affectionate to those he knows.
Sorry that was so long and thank you for reading it all. So am I right to be concerned? or am I mistaking normal 4 year old behaviours combined with a mum who is less motivated in some areas (toilet training, haircuts etc) for something more?
20 Mar 2016, 4:28 pm
