Recently realised I might be autistic

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Hello! I'm new here. I've been wondering for years if I might be autistic, but began properly investigating a few weeks ago. I've been doing a lot of research, and posting in the r/autism community on Reddit. It seems like the more I read about autism, the more I can relate.

I'm very sensitive to noise, and I have a need for sameness and predictability that restricts what I can do. I have an intense interest in topics such as Pokemon, electronic music, and the Edwardian/1920s era (I consider this to be more of a gift than a difficulty, though it does have its drawbacks sometimes), and when I'm very overwhelmed I have meltdowns and shutdowns, particularly if I feel like too much responsibility has been placed on me. I like to rub the silky labels found on blankets and clothing, and used to carry one around with me.

I'm actually really good at interacting with people, and used to think that I couldn't be autistic because of this. But I've read some accounts by formally-diagnosed autistic people who, like me, don't have a lot of social difficulties. I do often get this feeling, when I'm socialising, that my brain is having to work extra hard to keep up with everyone else, and because of this I need a lot of downtime afterwards. I can make eye contact, but it feels uncomfortable so I prefer to do it briefly.

This might sound daft, but I had a kind of a "Eureka!" moment when I found some clips from The Good Doctor on YouTube. I don't know a lot about the show, and have no idea how accurate it is in its portrayal of autism, but it struck me how Shaun's meltdowns are practically identical to mine. This made me really emotional, in a comforting way, because I had always felt like I was the only person who had meltdowns like that, and I'd never seen one portrayed in the media before.

I actually nearly had an assessment for Asperger's when I was a child because of the difficulties I was having, but one of the psychiatrists said something mean to my dad so we never followed through with it.

I'm 27 now, and I've never been employed or been in an official romantic relationship. I seem to drive potential partners away by being too intense. A lot of the things that come naturally to my peers feel impossible for me. I'm a talented writer and musician, though, and have always done very well academically.

My GP has referred me to some specialists who might be able to help me get an assessment, but I'm feeling apprehensive about it. On one hand, it would be good to have a formal diagnosis because it would help me to access the support I need to live independently. On the other hand, I'm worried that if they dismiss me and say I can't be autistic because I'm too sociable or something, it'll make me feel invalidated and like I don't belong in this community.

I had some difficult experiences in childhood, and I know that some of the signs of Complex PTSD and autism can overlap, so I need to be careful not to jump to a conclusion too quickly. I think there's a good chance I'm autistic, though, because I've had sensory issues since I was a baby, and I have autistic traits that don't overlap with PTSD symptoms as far as I'm aware, such as special interests and stimming.

I'm looking forward to meeting some like-minded people on this forum. I'd also love to go to an in-person social group or something, if I can find one near me that's accepting of undiagnosed people.

Last edited by Captain Charles Ryder on 31 Oct 2021, 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to WP. I'm also into the Edwardian/20's era though mainly from the mechanical engineering point of view so cars, motorcycles and anything powered by steam.

I too like electronic music. No idea if you'll like this track;


Have fun!

Welcome to WP! I hope you like it here...no matter what happens with an assessment.

Have you found these online tests? They're not definitive but they are interesting.
----Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test
----Aspie Quiz ^{Registering is optional!}

That's so cool! For me, it's the culture (except for the outdated prejudices) and fashion of the era that fascinate me most. I like watching films and dramas set in that time. I love Brideshead Revisited, hence my name and avatar.

That's actually a brilliant track! I should listen to Deadmau5 more often. I'm a big fan of Martin Garrix - watching his live shows on YouTube inspired me to start making EDM myself.



Thanks for the links! I knew about the AQ test, and scored 29 the last time I did it, which isn't particularly high. However, I think the fact that I'm passionate about the arts led to me getting a lower score. I love writing stories and going to the theatre, contrary to what the test seems to expect.

I don't think I've done the Aspie Quiz, I'll give that one a go!

It is the not knowing which I find is difficult because it took me years to "Get it" as many had told me or asked me if I was on the spectrum and I had said "No" and assumed someone had been playing a prank on me by telling others to say that to me.
Then I dated a lovely lady who is on the spectrum and I found her "Normal" so this puzzled me... Why was it rhat what she said were her autism traits were part of what I thought were normal? Only two things out of all she said were different.
She had me sit that test. I remember the result showed that I eed to see a doctor or a health professional or a psycologist or psyciatrist.
Wierdly, a couple of years earlier was the first time I had ever (And only time) a prolonged session of counselling, and at the end the lady asked if I was autistic? I said "No". She said I should go to my doctor and ask to be assessed for autism. I did not believe her, and the doctors I used to be with would not take it seriously. (I have since changed doctors and these are good).
Anyway... For two years I had to visit my doctors a few times a year as I had to have my blood pressure taken (Pre-covid) and each time I wanted to ask, or even booked appointments to try to ask but due to nurves I would hit mind blank and need to talk about something else (I had other things rehearsed as a back up and by talking about them my mind then works again).
So I was soo frustrated with myself that it took a Youtube video about prosopragnosia before I became determined to ask as I really needed a yes or a no answer.
So I took my Mum in with me so if I hit mindblank she would take over. She did have to take over!

Anyway. I was put on a list to be assessed in late april to early may 2019. It should not be all that much longer to wait now.

But what I will tell you is to put your name down now as it is quite a wait as the waiting lists are pretty long due to all the people they need to get through. (They are doing their best to get to assess everyone etc).

Have you encountered Electroswing Captain?

Something that may interest you. Many that take part in this event wear period clothing.

Captain Charles Ryder, Good Hunting!

I'll wish you "Good Luck" on getting a diagnosis but I will refrain from suggesting it must be Autism. The important thing would be for it to be a correct diagnosis. Autism Spectrum Disorder's traits overlap other diagnoses. "Neighboring" diagnoses include Borderline Autism and ADHD--and probably others.

But, please remember, no matter what your diagnosis ends up being, or if you even get one, WP welcomes you!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

welcome!

Welcome, and congratulations on realising this about yourself.

My 'autism' was always something of a joke among people who knew me and it wasn't until I started to take it as a serious possibility myself that so many things in my life that hadn't made much sense before began to fit together. I hope that it gives you the same sort of relief.

Good luck too with your path to diagnosis. I have, as yet, lacked the fortitude to make it through the NHS gatekeepers. My doctor has referred me for specialist analysis, but they say that I function too well - there's no help they can give me that I need so it's not worth it for them to do the work of diagnosing me. In the UK it's a postcode lottery so hopefully you're somewhere with a better service.

You've found a good place here though, WP is a very welcoming forum.

I'm sorry you had difficult experiences in childhood.

And the possibility of an overlapping diagnosis such as post-traumatic is one reason to go slowly. Although really, sensory issues and stimming, as well as no job or official romantic relationship by age 27, sounds spot on for "the spectrum."

I feel I have patchy social skills, excellent in some areas but missing social cues in others (hard to be aware of what you're not aware of, almost zen in that regard). Do you think this might be the case with you, too?

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And please understand, following the very serious 2008 & 2009 Great Recession, and the slow and partial recovery of jobs, the economy is stupier and meaner.

And of course, this had been your entire adult life.

Thank you for the words of support, everyone!

I knew about electro swing, but hadn't listened to it very much. I found an electro swing playlist on YouTube last night and really enjoyed it!

That looks like a really cool event, too. I'd love to put together a full vintage outfit. I have a 1930s jacket that I found in a second-hand clothes shop, and I've loved wearing bow ties ever since I cosplayed as Matt Smith for a Hallowe'en party.


My GP told me that there's a two-year waiting list for an autism assessment, so he's referred me to the "complex needs service" instead in the hopes that I'll get seen sooner. Presumably, though, this means that at my appointment I'll need to try and convince them to refer me for an autism assessment. Perhaps if I focus on telling them about how my autism (or whatever it is) affects me on a day-to-day basis, that will help. My difficulties are quite disabling.

Really, my main reason for getting a diagnosis would be so I can access support from autism-related services, rather than from the NHS. For example, the National Autistic Society offers people help with benefits and housing. I need some help to live independently.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience. Maybe if you tell a specialist that you're seeking a diagnosis so that autistic organisations can help you, they might be more inclined to refer you?


I do seem to have some signs of autism that can't be attributed to trauma. I've been sensitive to noise since birth - as a baby I used to cry if my mum took me near a busy road. And special interests don't have anything to do with trauma either as far as I know.

I could be autistic and dealing with trauma, maybe. My difficulties got worse after my dad passed away four years ago, almost like I'd unlearned all of my subconscious coping strategies.

Being gay makes it harder to find a relationship but even so, it seems like every other LGBT+ person my age has been in at least one relationship by now. A few years ago I thought I'd found "the one", but we somehow ended up discussing future plans on the third date and that scared him off. Either that or he lost interest when he realised I wouldn't be able to pay half the rent if we got a flat together.

Besides a disastrous Topman interview when I was 19, I haven't taken any steps to look for a job because I know I wouldn't be able to cope with having one. I need lots of downtime, and feel "trapped" if I have too much in my schedule. I used to volunteer at a charity shop two afternoons a week, and that was about as much as I could handle.

Throughout my adult life I've always felt like I have good social skills, but like you say it's difficult to know for sure. I almost feel like putting myself in more social situations so I can observe myself and see how I get on!

I had an opportunity to socialise in a pub last week. I was very outgoing, made lots of jokes, and I think I made a good impression, but I made a few small blunders as well. Someone laughed good-naturedly when I asked if they were talking about our local Pride event, when they'd been talking about it for the last five minutes. The same person later told me that there are three million Hindu gods, and I said "Really?!" before realising a few seconds later that they were exaggerating for comic effect.

I went to the bar to order a shandy for someone, but floundered a bit when asked what type of shandy I wanted, because I hadn't factored this into my mental plan. Then I told the barman that my card was still in the card reader, thinking he was walking off with it when he was actually completing the transaction. He seemed annoyed by this, but I wasn't sure if he was genuinely annoyed or just bantering.

Maybe I was out of practice after a year in lockdown. But I can recall past situations where I've been a bit ditzy or slow to figure things out. A lady at the charity shop where I worked used to tease me about it. I had an akward moment one day when she proudly showed me her new false teeth; I didn't realise she was in a celebratory mood, and thought she meant something bad had happened to her teeth, so I said, "What happened?" She wasn't too pleased!

What if you take on a temporary job? And that way you can check it off as a success when it comes to its natural end. Examples might be an university bookstore in the weeks preparing for the Spring semester, or a photocopy center.

Even crummy jobs teach business skills. I myself have tutored math for cash, but hard to get enough clients to make it really worthwhile.

With relationships, what if you view it as bad then, but good now? Meaning, yeah you missed out some good times, but you don’t have a bunch of heartache to bother you now.

And I know people are people whether gay or straight. But I’m thinking the LGBT+ community is probably somewhat more accepting of human differences, just not in any kind of predictable way! Funny how much of life comes back to that.

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PS I like the way you think through social situations. For example, later deciding the lady was in a celebratory mood.

Regarding work, please understand that you are good at systematic... and not sympathetic. I left a job with US Customs after a decade and it was a big mistake. I sat at a desk and interpreted Customs law and duty rates. It was something I enjoyed and was good at. I did not need to persuade... just quote chapter and verse of the law. If you have a job that is very systematic, stay with it. I knew a lawyer who couldn't win over a client but could work in a research framework. It would be the same for a medical doctor or a stock broker, etc. A good number of iconic names - writers, composers, the wealthy investor, etc.- have poor interactive skills with people. But they achieve greatness by what they do rather than who they convince.