I will always be in my own world :(

Post Reply New Topic

I know that when someone asks "Hello, how are you?", I should do more than reply with a nervous "Fine thanks." I should say something like "Ah not too bad thanks, did you watch the game yesterday?" But I can't - it doesn't interest me in the slightest - and my interests would never be appropriate for this sort of talk.

I know why people do it, I understand the significance of small talk completely. But when I try, the whole purpose of small-talk is wasted because I'm giving off completely the wrong signs, both in body language and the tone of my voice. These are abilities I don't think I could ever learn. The guilt is overwhelming.

I know that my response is interpreted as cold, uninterested, arrogant - exactly the opposite of what I know I am. But then realisation hits me: Nobody who appears arrogant, or cold, or a bad person ever wants to be considered so - it's entirely how people perceive them. People perceive me to be arrogant, aloof, uninterested, or whatever else they think - and so thats what I AM.

How could I ever use 'AS' as an excuse for these things when a neurotypical person with the same personality traits is like that because of bad parenting? It's not their fault. What about all the evil people in this world, the rapists, the child molesters, dictators and criminals - I'm sure they all have some mental disorder, or horrible parenting, terrible upbringings or whatever.

If I don't accept the fact that I AM the person that has all the characteristics of AS, including all the 'bad' ones, then I can never be held accountable for my own actions and behaviour, or hold anyone accountable for theirs.

I am percieved as an arrogant loner and that is what I will always be. How can it ever be different?

Lets all be arrogant loners together then.

My attempts to "socialize" often amount to gatecrashing a conversation regardless
of the signals I'm getting. Sometimes it works but sometimes I end up with a 10 foot space around me. To be honest I only do it because I feel I aught to.

They don't deserve us... how's that for arrogant?

At this point in my life, after finding out about AS,.... I'm much happier inside being perceived as cold, rude, and aloof. It's given me validation to be the way I am and feel.

For most all of my teen's and 20's I was acting the part because it was required for survival in the environmet I was in....and felt like sh*t the whole time.

I'm much happier being alone and truer to myself.

I prefer to give off neutral responses so that people know that I'm not happy or sad. But also so that they know I will amount to nothing interesting in a conversation.

And I think you'll fit right in with us! Welcome!

Yes, you do know social graces, but small talk is a problem for even me, and I have difficulty keeping it going.

AS is a form of autism, and that means we are in our own little worlds. However, some people do perceive us as unintelligent. Well, I think AS is a gift because we are able to show our heightened intelligence.

I have been a member of this forum since the end of August of last year, and I am very happy I found it. I am delirious to know that there are people who are very similar to me, and they understand exactly what I am talking about.

So, on that note, we are a smart group of people and if you ever have any questions, please don't be afraid to let us know. There are a number of us who are online throughout the day. One of us will get back to you, and we will have an answer.

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I know exactly how you feel. My mind is trapped in Mid 60s to 90s London, and I refuse to let go of the Past. For obvious reasons, too.

Thanks for the welcomes

I got frustrated at work today, so I went ahead and told my collegues that I had AS. I had no other way to explain my frustration and so I finally gave in.

Their reaction seemed slightly bemused, and I don't think they quite believed me. I tried to explain carefully that eye contact is difficult, that it's extremely difficult to feign interest in whatever they're talking about, that bonding is near impossible, that I'm not very tolerant of criticism.

A brief moment of eye contact told me their eyes were glazing over. My voice droned on, and on and I really don't think they were taking in what I was saying.

So in the end I just told them to Google "Aspergers" and it would explain everything. But I really don't think they were interested. It's not as if these are particularly bad people, they're pretty normal.

The situation basically arose because my boss refused to give me any lifts home anymore, because while in the car, I don't say anything. He'll attempt to start a tedious conversation such as "Ooh it's starting to rain", and I just want to reply, "No s**t Sherlock, any other obvious things you want to say?". But that would be rude. I can't win

Anyway, will be interesting to see how things develop from here.

Did you mention to your coworkers that Aspergers is a form of high-functioning Autism? With all the sympathy there is out there now for Autism (since it appears to be the charitable disorder of the year ) that might strike a larger, more familiar cord with them.

Though no doubt they'd disbelieve you if you said you had Autism since most people aren't familiar with the full ranges of its functioning.

I did mention that. I don't think it has much attention in the UK so they probably wouldn't feel sympathetic. I don't watch TV so I could be wrong. Though I did hear about a TV comedy series starting about 4 children with Autism/AS, I think.

I understand that, but when they come to find that out, I think people with AS are similar to normal. If I were you, I would tell them to do some research.

Alot of us get to an age when we finally realize that people expect you to say simple things like "Hi" and "How are you" or else you are labeled as a freak. I think that having to be like that however takes up alot of brain energy and power. and some of it doesnt make sense to us. When I see someone I know in the hallways and they say "hi, how are you?"but to have to repeat other people by saying "hi how are you?" sounds weird cuz its like I am mimicking then.

Different aspies accept different aspie aspects they are forced to live with. some would rather be loners while other prefer the company of people. I thought I needed to be around people but after some bad quarrels with my roommate this past semester, I decided that there would be a lot less stress on my life if I lived alone but I can sometimes go out and be around people occasionally. I also learned that very neurotypical people who dont consider AS as an excuse are everywhere. Such is life. Dont feel bad about what you're doing or what choices you make, because every Aspie has a different approach and perspective of things.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Most NTs, if they really want to get to know you, will adapt and get used to it. At least, your real friends shall. It's no big deal.

If you really want to make an effort and learn how to do it, I'd suggest talking to GroovyDruid. He even wrote an article about how smalltalk works. He's the guy to ask about AS-and-NT interactions, alright.

Aspiegirl2-I do however like to spend lots of my time alone because I don't enjoy spending every waking moment of my life with other people, since that would drive me extremely mad. I also try not making excuses, because not everyone that I run into will now that I have Asperger's, and so I must learn to socialize as well as survive in the social world. I do also wish that people did know that I have Asperger's at times, because it feels like a living hell at times when trying to socialize with other people and having them misunderstand you sometimes; I guess both sides must have patience, and that is one thing that I lack when attempting to understand some aspect of the social world.

Yes, and it's such a pain in the Asperger's. (Sorry, it's late and I'm groggy)
I am always catagorized as being mildly depressed when I see a counselor and answer those dumb questionaires. (which are always too vague and confusing since I never know if I should answer what I know to be correct or what my first reaction the the question would be)
I have recently figured out that I'm not "mildly depressed" at all but actually do have limited interests and also prefer to be alone much more than the average person. So there! I am not depressed, I'm simply anti-social!-Bland