How do I stop men from flirting with me?

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I work as a sales rep and a guy who works in one of the stores I visit keeps flirting with me. It started up over a year ago and I thought he had given up already. But he started it up again and this time was worse than ever.

He used to ask me all the time if I had a boyfriend, if I was married and so on, so back when it started I couldn't really tell if he was flirting or just being nosy. So it just went on until he made it really obvious that he wants to date me. By the time I caught on, I didn't know what to do.

Now he is telling me he will wait for me. I didn't know what to say. I actually told him, I don't know what to say, and went on with my job. I thought he would drop it after that.

But he just kept asking me a lot of questions, wanting to know why I'm not interested in him. He asked me if it was because of his nationality. I felt like if I said ANYTHING in response to that he might use it against me somehow.

And he kept asking if I am seeing anyone else, or if I had a bad experience that turned me off of dating. Basically he totally gets the point that I'm not interested because all his questions were phrased around that. I told him flat out I don't want to discuss any of those things, and I turned the topic back to business, but he just goes right back to personal stuff. He kept asking me a lot of other personal questions too. He wanted to know how much money I earn at my job.

This kind of thing happens a lot but this guy in particular is making me really nervous because he does not give up. I don't know how to handle this kind of behavior. I am afraid one day he will try to touch me or say something else really inappropriate and I'll have a meltdown.

This is workplace harassment at its finest. I say next step is your HR department to file a complaint.

He does not work for my company so it won't do any good to file a complaint.

How about you file a complaint with his company? He is showing them in a very poor light and it is surely their responsibility to deal with him harassing you as it is his employment with them which gives him that opportunity.

There is a website which provides helpful advice and strategies for this kind of thing. http://captainawkward.com Have a look on there, as there is a wealth of advice to people in similar situations, or you could try emailing with your own situation and see what advice you get.

This guy sounds horrible, and needs to be dealt with.

It should. The fact that he doesn't work for your company is not relevant. The company you work for has a responsibility not to put you in that situation. Make your superiors aware of the problem AND DOCUMENT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE AWARE OF IT. If they continue to subject you to that situation, then THEY are guilty of harassment.

Man this guys sounds like a real jerk. The fact of the matter is that you are right to be more than a little concerned with his advances. This is exactly the kind of situation that has potential
To turn very ugly very quickly. As you stated, he's already aware of your disinterest in him. The fact that he didn't stop at that point is hare assent and should be dealt with as such. I'm understanding that you're in sales so I can definitely see how that would pose a bit of a problem knowing who to ask for help.

I would suggest that you first come right out and tell him, "I'm sorry if you think I'm rude but, I do not date my clients as I feel that it's unethical. It has nothing to do with you personally it's just my policy and that of the companies I work for. It really does make me feel somewhat uncomfortable that you continue to ask me personal questions and I would really appreciate it if you stopped and if we could just stick to the business at had moving forward,". I would also make sure to make your supervisor at least aware of the situation and maybe even ask for advice on how to handle it. I agree with the other comment here that HIS company is responsible for talking to him and even reprimanding him if necessary. So, if he continues to be inappropriate with you in the future, you should talk to his superiors and let them know that if it continues you'll have no other choice but to consult an attorney and/or file formal charges against the man for harassment.

This is a very good and valid point. You are in this situation because of your work, and your employers have a duty of care towards you.

you can complain about being harassed by a customer at work. Keep a notebook with you at all times and document the time/dept and actions you took to resolve the situation and also anything he says that is out of line. Also document what your bosses say if you complain to them. I would get 4-5 entries before going to you boss and saying look this guy is bothering me please help. Someone else should chime in but it may be best to hide the documentation at first from your employer.

Thank you for all your replies. I am really looking for suggestions as to how I can put a stop to this behavior on my own, as I do not think it will do any good to talk to my supervisor or file a complaint.

If saying no didn't work you might not have a choice but to get help. possibly ask for different hours so he no longer knows your routine. I understand you may not want to risk getting fired over it.

I am not worried at all about getting fired over it. The guy who is doing this is the main person I have to deal with at this particular store. If I alienate him, I won't be able to accomplish anything in that account. Going over his head to the store owner, whether I do it myself or have my supervisor do it, is not going to help. She's already very dismissive towards me, and difficult to communicate with, and I'm certain she is going to side with her employee (who is probably also related to her). Worst case scenario I can drop the account altogether, but if I did that every time I have a problem like this, I'd lose a lot of accounts.

This is not the first time I've had to deal with this kind of thing, and it probably won't be the last either, so I really need to know how to put a stop to it on my own.

Like the other posters suggested, I would document everything. I would investigate who this guy is. Does he have a criminal history? I would make sure someone you trust knows your plans so that if he tries to detain you, you can tell him people will come looking for you. I think you were really smart in not giving him any information to the many questions. I would keep a lot of physical space between you and him. If you feel anything is escalating, you could say, "I'm afraid I'm coming down with the flu and have to leave." or be more honest and say "I'm too uncomfortable and have to leave."

I once worked with someone (he was not at all interested in me) and it turned out he had been to prison and had kidnapped someone plus other crimes.

there was a guy in my old office who used to make inappropriate jokes just to be amusing. We though he was a jerk, but a new woman started and said to him: "Don't talk to me like that. It isn't appropriate and I won't tolerate it."

What is your body language like? Do you look embarassed and uncomfortable? Stand tall, look him straight in the eye and say: "Don't talk to me like that. I'm here for business and what you're saying isn't appropriate." Don't politely turn the conversation back to business as though you are embarassed. Be firm about it. Tell him no you are not talking about personal things. Say it in a strong voice. If you mumble or look at the floor rather than straight into his eye he'll take it that you are not serious.

You are not alone. Have you seen Laura Bates Everydaysexism project on Twitter?

Everydaysexism

Do tell someone else as well. You're supervisor is a jerk if they don't take you seriously.

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You could try telling him that you're really a dude (down there), but if he's into stuff like that, it'll only make it worse.

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Sorry, If I had to get that out before my head exploded from restraining myself.

I don't know that you'll ever stop men 100% from flirting with you even at work, there are a lot of office romances.

But, if you decline a person's advances, and they continue, it is a harassment and you should complain.

I agree with the advice to be assertive with him and also to speak to your boss. Your boss can raise the issue with his boss and hopefully get the message across that this is serious and needs to stop. Right now this is nobody's problem, but yours. Find a way to make it your company's problem and they will be motivated to solve it.

No need to make excuses to him like "it's not personal". That just shows weakness and falsely implies that he might have a chance with you under different circumstances. You don't owe him any explanation.

Is it possible to swap accounts with a colleague, so that you won't have to deal with this guy? If it is, that may just be the easiest solution. (A nice bonus would be if your colleague was a gay guy who started constantly hitting on this customer and making him uncomfortable. )