Should people on the spectrum need looking after forever?

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Speaking as a young male on the spectrum, my mother (who is a godsend) believes that all on the spectrum need to be fully supported and looked after throughout their life.
Though I do see her side and the importance, I also think this will catastrophically get rid of any self-belief or self-worth for the child if they feel they have to rely on others.
Just wondering for other parents on here and their views on the matter whether young or old. Thanks.

I do not think there is one answer. Everyone is different and has different strengths and limitations.

Every person on the spectrum is different. I would be very surprised if my DS7 doesn't achieve full independence, although possibly 5-7 years later than his peers. I know of others who are more severely affected that will need much more support, likely even lifelong support.

Some people on the spectrum have high-paid jobs, are married, and have children. While you could argue that they are subtly dependent on their NT spouses, that would normally be considered independent living.

And some people on the spectrum are severely intellectually disabled, cannot speak, and have no chance of living independently.

And there are heaps of people on the spectrum everywhere in between. That's why it is called a spectrum.

So there is no universal rule about independence. People on the spectrum vary enormously, and the same person may change over time.

Just depends on the person. I have a high paid job, married, kids.

My daughter? I don't know. I think she has a rough path ahead. I hope she can be independent like myself.

I would say firstly, that she is your mum and she will never stop worrying about you and wanting to care for you, it's the nature of the beast (pun intended ).
Definitely, each person is different but long term, but you are absolutely right, she needs to let you find your feet and be all you can be.
Many times it would be easier for me to do things for my son rather than take the time and effort to teach him but honestly, that's lazy parenting.

Maybe a non-verbal low functioning person, sure, but everyone?

Why would she say such an ignorant thing? I am likely on the spectrum and have lived and worked around the world. I have a decent paying job, am married, and have kids. I certainly do not need any "looking after."

Respectfully, I think it is more complicated that just verbal vs. non-verbal and hfa vs. lfa.

HFA is often used to refer to cognitive IQ, but it does not necessarily mean you have enough say social skills to get a job or adaptive skills to live on your own. My son is in the gifted program and considered HF, but is very socially impaired and not necessarily able to easily acquire adaptive skills. I hope he will be independent, and I certainly encourage him to learn new skills, but I just do not know what the future holds.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 13 Sep 2012, 8:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

As others have said, it really depends on the child/young person. I expect my daughter will live a completely independent life, but I could be wrong. However, she is a little behind her peers with regards to being allowed to do things on her own. Her road/personal safety is not as good as it should be for a child who is nearly 7yrs. I will probably be walking her to school until she finishes primary school, unless something changes drastically. I will probably worry about her much more than other parents, especially when she goes off to high school, on the school bus. Eventually, I hope she'll go off to higher education, without a chaperone and that she'll get a decent job and maybe get married and have a family of her own. However, her concentration issues and reluctance to get on with the task in hand are challenging and will need to be controlled in some way for her to meet her potential. Only time will tell.

The funny thing is that I'm probably on the spectrum too. I was getting myself to school at 7yrs, on the public bus. My parents probably had more reason to be concerned about me than I have about my daughter. My road/personal safety was diabolical until I was a teenager and I could have been knocked down or abducted more than once. But, they didn't worry at all (didn't even realise they had cause for concern). I struggled with the social side of higher education and work, but I made a decent wage and would have been able to support myself financially, if I was not married. However, my husband does an awful lot around here and I'm not really independent at all. I can look after myself and my daughter, but the household stuff is another matter.

It really depends on the individual. My husband and I both [most likely] have AS, and I honestly believe that we're more responsible then most of the others in our peer group because of it (this is specific to our situation). My husband's special interest got him a great job, so we are comfortable financially, and our obsessions with logical thinking have allowed us to make a very detailed budget that makes sense, and stick to it because we tend to not make emotional decisions on the fly when it comes to spending. Our meticulous planning is bringing us good results in life. Of course, we're not without issues, but we're certainly independent.

I could say the same for my husband and I (he probably wouldn't get an AS diagnosis, but I'd say he's without a doubt broader autistic phenotype). We're very sensible, in relation to money matters and just making the right choices, much more than our peers. I think being BAP has led to him getting the job he's in, which is very technical and highly skilled.

The problem lies with my lack of self discipline, social anxiety and low self esteem. I'm perfectly capable of doing stuff, but I don't manage to put my mind to it or to overcome my fears (e.g. making phonecalls). If I was on my own, I'd have to do these things. I'm not sure how I'd cope, but I'm independent for the most part.

As everyone has said, it depends on the person and details of how the condition affects them.

My son is 15 and we are slowly removing him from all supports. I expect him to be completely self-reliant as an adult. I know he can do that. Will he do everything the way I ideally would have wanted? No. But, then, who does? He has challenges and he is learning how to either overcome them, or work around them. And sometimes just pick paths where they aren't an issue.

Thanks for the input everyone.
I personally believe that when one on the spectrum is ready, you will know.

There is no one answer.

I believe the goal should always be to produce a child who is independent and doesn't need looking over (Of course parents will do it until the day they die) but that is not always possible depending on the severity of the condition.

Im NT and my husband may be AS but we have only just started looking into that possiblity since we had our daughter diagnosed. He is very successful and supports the whole family financially, he is very driven and ambitious due to his AS tendancies, it has actually made him who he is in his industry. He is analytical and assesses the situation well and can adjust to environments easily. Our daughter will be independant one day, it will be hard work but she will be ok Im sure. I look at the family history and now we know (theres was apparently no ASDs in either family until we started looking into it) we can see traits everywhere on both sides. They all got on ok so I dont worry too much. I know she will need a different approach to my NT daughter though which might be difficult as they are growing up together. I will always be observing my AS daughter and assessing what help she needs and I hope to be the sort of Mother who can give her independance when she is ready and not be too protective but it might be hard to let go as for any Mum

Hmmm... Well, now it's not that she thinks everyone on the spectrum needs looking after...
Apparently, she believes that even if and when I am independant, I would need checking up on... now and again.
o_O
... How exactly is that being independant? Of course I wouldn't shut her out but even that would assume I am still dependant.