School District Pushing In-home Training

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LOL, years ago I was begging the school to help us! However, I see your point.

I would say this: something we've learned is that most professionals don't believe us at the beginning. We bring in my smart, charming son and he is witty and wonderful and cute, and they think it is us. We've learned to wait for at least a month's worth of weekly sessions, because at some point DS cracks and they see that we are really struggling to balance his needs with ours, not that I am too lenient/DH is too overbearing, or possibly that we are simultaneously too lenient AND too overbearing or some other such possibility.

I can also see where this ticks you off and I don't blame you: you've got it working at home, you know from experience what works, and they want to come in and tell you what to do.

However, on the off chance that they may have something valuable to impart, if I were in your shoes (and I'm not -note that we were begging for help) I would say come ahead and show us what you've got. I would then decide on my own if I thought their input had any merit or if it was just a way for them to shift blame and excuse the lack of support at school. If I did it, I would make it clear from the outset that the only way you would be willing to hear them out is if you have the right to terminate the process at any point and they have to leave. I would also see to it that I had an advocate as part of this process, just to make sure I hadn't missed anything.

This involves a significant expenditure of resources on the part of a school district - it's much more costly for them than increasing support at school where the interventionists are on salary. They must truly believe they can do some good even if that isn't the case. It will probably be helpful for them to see that you are a capable parent who is handling things the way they should be.

Parent training can be part of an IEP if the school believes the parent needs support for the child to meet IEP goals.

I would take the support too, you don't know yet what it exactly entails or how it could help. If your son is struggling at school, then all is not going well in his life. A strong partnership between home and school and a consistent, joint effort has to be better surely? I worry it is short-sighted on your part to not take this help. If it doesn't work, at least you can say you gave it a good try... now, what can we try next? I've been doing this for 14 years (2 boys on the spectrum), I still have things to learn... I would take this opportunity if it was offered to me, even now. I would take it, confident in my ability as a parent, but always open to try a new approach. When my eldest was little, we had tons of professionals offering advice on how to parent him, we tried lots of different things. Some worked and others didn't.
Structure and discipline are important things for all children to learn, no matter what their limitations are. If he is struggling with these things at school, then it makes sense (to me anyway) to bring in some more of that at home. And i don't mean in a bootcamp kind of way, just in the kind of way that will help him function better in life. Doing so may, in the short term, increase problems at home but may improve his skills overall in the longer term.
Just my opinion and trying to help.

Thanks for all the help and I appreciate all the advice. I am still going to opt out because I really do think the district is trying to build a case that the problem is not my son's autism, but that it is us. It is just a gut lack of trust thing. I have no doubt that the parental training is more expensive than in school training, but the in-house stuff is contracted out and probably hourly and not salaried, so I do not know by how much.

I can always ask for it, if I think I need it.

I think some of them can't wrap their minds around how good a child can be doing at home when they are struggling so at school.

I have a group of friends (5 families) who we spend a week vacationing together at a rental house every summer. All four of the wives are teachers. When we were going through the process of getting a diagnosis and I was explaining what my DS was doing at school (hiding under his desk, crying all day, knocking his books on the floor, terrified that everyone is watching him and refusing to enter the classroom etc. ), one of the ladies said. I never really believed it when parents say, "but he never does that at home," but I could never have imagined your son doing those things. I am going to have to change the way I think.

It made sad to think that many of the people at school probably doubted us as well, but it also made me adamant to prove he is a different child when given the right supports in his environment, and fight for those supports.

At my sons old school the principal was ignorant and made a lot of negative and downright wrong statements. It is difficult if not impossible to work with people who don't respect you as the authority on your child.

I do agree with some posters that it never hurts to listen and we all have room to grow and learn as parents, but this doesn't sound like the right opportunity for that by what you say. Hopefully another positive opportunity will come along.

I do not think any school, anywhere, has any business putting their nose in how a parent or child acts when they are away from the school. It's not up to the school to tell you to do or not to do anything at all at home. The only thing the school should ever have a say so about when it comes to anything to do with the child when they are away from school is reporting suspected abuse or neglect. Of course they have to do that, but they should limit that to actual abuse, not philosophical differences between the school board and the parents. I cannot stand it when the school systems try to overstep their limits. They are doing that here in my state with their "No Child Left Behind" law, which has to do with how many parent notes you can send for excuses for sick days. They take you to court and prosecute you and the child if you have more than ten. You are expected to take the kid to the doctor for those other days, even if you have a type of insurance where you have to pay more and cannot afford it.

I think you should tell them to keep their nose where it belongs because putting it in the middle of somebody's private homelife is a good way to get it broken. I would tell them that you don't need the training, and if you do decide you need it then you will ask for it and to not bother you about it again.

Don't let them push you around or stick their noses in your business. Their job is to educate your kid and keep him safe during the hours he's there, period. Their job ends when your child leaves campus. That's it. It's just another example of how government is trying to reach into our private lives and make personal choices for us. I'm not paranoid nor do I believe in conspiracy theories, I just think that too many agencies are trying to tell parents how to parent nowdays. It's not their business. Don't let them push you around.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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