Did anyone watch nightline on Girls with Autism?
i really go back and forth about what to do with daughter.........honestly, it comes down to $ and my feeling that maybe it's all just *my* perception about daughter....i haven't met anyone who has looked at daughter and thought~there's a kid with aspergers. ( all the more important because i work in a special ed setting with students who have aspergers, autism, MR, etc~and because daughter has met most of my coworkers....)
***shakes head***...........**sighs***.......just don't know.
Generally, females with the disorders are said to be more "passive" rather than aggressive; I've seen quite a few younglings with Asperger's, and this seems to be correct (for the majority of individuals).
The young girls display the typical autistic traits; it's just that many aren't as disruptive as the boys in a social environment, so there's a good chance they'll be "missed" until later on in life when their problems will reveal themselves as the pressures of "growing up" and doing adult things will bring them out.
Good cognitive function and passivity leads to children being missed.
I was the passive/smart boy who everyone just thought was shy, well behaved and..."odd", and I was missed.
Is it a "need to know" or would there be significant positive practical implications of her getting a diagnosis (more help at school, more focus on social skills ect.)
Did you ask any of your coworkers to specifically observe her for autism? Or discuss with them what you see, what you have observed that seems autistic? If her symptoms are discrete, it would take more than a casual glance to see her autistic traits.
It just strikes me that you have that gut feeling, and you are so used to dealing with autism, there is probably something there.
Why was she diagnosed with ADHD and not AS to begin with? Was it because her social skills/communication seemed normal at that point?
i don't really believe that any changes in her education are necessary right now. she's currently receiving help with social skills, and her teachers this year have been working diligently with her to improve her behaviors in the classroom...............the doc said that he felt she did not have aspergers because : she gave too much eye contact, was able to talk about varied topics when the doctor switched talking to a topic other than her favorite topic, and that for her age~ she showed appropriate empathy.
she has difficulties, and i just don't really know what's normal anymore. i didn't really grow up in a normal household myself. i didn't have many friends. i was always considered a bit eccentric. maybe the reason i hesitate is that i see so much of myself in her, and i'm afraid that perhaps her difficulties are my fault.
i go over and over and over in my head about the eval she had done.....did i tell the doc enough ? did i explain myself well enough ? how could he not see that she has fine motor problems ? how could he say that she showed appropriate empathy ~ when he told her about a time when he was a kid & almost drowned, she replied "Oh" and then went back to talking about herself.............
Which is just what the expert on girls with AS said AS girls were good at!
I come from a pretty unusual family myself - whee eccentricity is a much prized characteristic - so I can to relate to this! I also grew up with a sister who is profoundly auistic, so I recognized traits in my son, but thought I was "seeing ghosts" and was quite surprized when I realised he was autistic.
It is very, very easy to get guilty. From what I have read on WP, you shouldn't be - it sounds like you're doing a terrific job!
In my experience, getting the right diagnosis for your child actually relieves a lot of that guilt, because it becomes apparent that the child's problems/behaviour isn't related to parenting, but to how the child was born... it's nobody's fault!
It sounds like you have to get her reevaluated, for your own peace of mind. Is it terribly expensive?
Last edited by katrine on 27 Jan 2008, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
around here , i haven't been able to find any providers who will accept insurance.........i paid $800 for my son's first eval, $1400 for his second eval....paid $2400 for daughter's first eval ............just don't have any more $......have contemplated having the school system re-evaluate her, but because she would be at the high-functioning end of things, fear that it will all be a waste of our time~that she'll again be given the label of ADHD
WOW that is a lot of money!
I've been thinking long and hard about it.
If you don't have the money, you don't have the money. Since she is getting adequate help at school, an official diagnosis isn't going to make a huge difference. If things change, and she needs more help, rethink the decision.
I can really imagine how frustrating it must be and how you must want to know for sure.
I would still talk openly about it with a coworker, who has sees the program or read about girls with autism, and with her teachers. And maybe start thinking about her as a girl with AS, so your own perception of her changes.
my hubby clearly sees her as a girl with AS. I waver. I'm jsut trying to view her as a girl with poor social skills, and poor frustration tolerance. we're just trying to figure out how to help her with the social skills at home. she gets so anxious in social settings that it's really hard to get her calm, never mind able to function socially.......took her rollerskating today~ it was crowded & she argued & cried most of the time we were there. i felt we should leave, but she kept insisting that she wanted to stay. she kept insisting that everyone else needed to get out of her way. she argued about why it couldn't be quieter......we ended up leaving early. she only talked to me....we went with my best friend and her daughter ( who's 1 year older than my daughter)~ i had hoped that my daughter would hang out with the other girl. she only wanted me. desperately clinging to me.
she's currently taking anxiety medication. at this point, i guess i'm not so certain that it's working..........it seemed to work better when she first started taking it, but now things seem to be back to the way they were..........
A group of kids with ADHD has started at my son's school (for high functioning kids on the spectrum) - the point being that although they are not diagnosed AS, they are in reality somewhere on the spectrum, and profit from the same setting, teaching method, visualition ect. as aspies.
I'm really starting to wonder about how these diagnostic "boxes" are actually working - there seems to be a huge overlap, lots of kids with ADHD and autism spectrum disorders and visa versa.
Reading your description of your daughter, it could be my son - so overwelmed by the crowd, chaos and sensory overload, that there isn't the excess to be social. Wanting to be there, but not managing. Clinging to you as secutity because it's all too much.
I know I'm preaching to the converted, but it sounds as if your daughter needs p&q to be able to socialize - roller skating somewhere quiet, or doing some structured activity with the other little girl.
It's sad, because the thought of a great day out with your friend and her daughter is so wonderfull - it should be such fun!!
If your husband and son have AS, your daughter must be somewhere on the spectrum - call it what you will.
About medication - maybe it needs regulation, but maybe she's just in a fase where she needs more structure, visualisation ect. Maybe the demands on her have changed, because she's older, and are suddenly too high? What do you think?
this is exactly why it took so long for us to get a dx, and an IEP. She would perform for anyone testing her. She is charming with adults, she has great eye contact as well....
***shakes head***...........**sighs***.......just don't know.
I'm convinced that one of the reasons I wasn't properly diagnosed as a child was because, for all of my elementary and jr hi years, I was in a school district where my mother was a teacher a later a principal. I'm really convinced that school employees don't or simply can't see each other's children objectively-- I don't know if it's pride, or a simple lack of objectivity due to closeness-- which can be detrimental to the child if he or she happens to have special needs that aren't being recognized.
There wasn't a diagnosis for Asperger's when I was young, but there was Childhood Onset PDD which fit me exactly.
apatura~ sometimes school professionals like to stick their heads in the sand and pretend things aren't really as they seem....AS was not a dx when my hubby was little either. he would've benefitted greatly from assistance too.
regardless of what my coworkers think, i did go to get her evaluated for AS just over a year ago......went to a dr who supposedly specialized in autism......came out with a dx of ADHD-hyperactive, impulsive type.............it still doesn't make sense to me. but i can't afford to get another eval now, and the school system is addressing her needs. if it gets to the point that the school does not work with her, i'll push for the school to do an eval.
i felt we should leave, but she kept insisting that she wanted to stay. she kept insisting that everyone else needed to get out of her way. she argued about why it couldn't be quieter......we ended up leaving early. she only talked to me....we went with my best friend and her daughter ( who's 1 year older than my daughter)~ i had hoped that my daughter would hang out with the other girl. she only wanted me. desperately clinging to me.
she's currently taking anxiety medication. at this point, i guess i'm not so certain that it's working..........it seemed to work better when she first started taking it, but now things seem to be back to the way they were..........
It is truly a rip-off that you had to pay so much for evaluations. It often takes another aspie to pick one but I don't know how many aspies go into the medical professions.
I'm officially diagnosed Asperger's and even now, I hate noise and crowds and if "put" with somebody and expected to socialise when I'm not in the mood, I tend to resist (silently).
I don't know if this is an issue for other Aspie women but in some countries there is the tradition that the men will gather around the barbecue or at one end of the room in a party and discuss politics etc and the women will be in the kitchen discussing kids and other more mundane subjects.
I resented being expected to be "exiled" into the kitchen because discussions about pooey nappies etc. bored me into stupefaction.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
Pandora~ re: being relegated to the kitchen to talk about women stuff~ i hate that too.....can't be bothered most of the time
my daughter and i went to a baby shower for a coworker over the weekend. lots of people there, half a dozen toddlers, my daughter ( age 9), and one 13 year old girl. my daughter behaved appropriately. she got along well with one of the toddlers & spent much of the time taking turns with her spinning in the office chair in another room. my daughter was able to sit while the mom-to-be opened presents. my daughter even played some of the baby shower games...............my question, i guess, is would a child with aspergers be able to act appropriately in such a setting ? daughter seems to do better in settings with adults, but struggles with settings with kids............took daughter to a sleepover that same night for girl scouts. daughter fussed about things being done in a certain manner, about a game that she felt went unfairly, about how i was going to let all the girls paint my nails and i never let just her paint my nails......................***sigh*** ( btw, these are the same sort of behaviors they see at school. )
i wish i could just accept her dx. i wish i didn't have these second thoughts. i wish i had money to get another dx.......

Being able to get on with adults, but not kids, is exactly what a kid with Aspergers can do! It sounds as if she did fine with games that were simple or had clear rules. (Taking turns spinning, baby shower games.) Again - typical spectrum stuff.
I think you're right to question the diagnosis. To me it sounds as if she has AS.
If you really can't stand not knowing, get her reevaluated.... but it would probably have to be someone specialized in girls with autism.... and is it worth a bank loan? Tough call.... my sympathy, as I'm a broke student myself!
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