The "fewer moms work" statistic and what it means

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I started watching the IMFAR videos at the top of the site, and there was a comment in the one with David Mandell that I thought might be worth discussing. The video is here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/article405.html

The comment I am interested in is the one about mothers of AS children being less likely to work. He gives his theory, which may be part of it, but I actually don't think it's the whole story, or maybe not even the main story, and as much as I would like stronger supports in place (his proposed solution), I'm not convinced that getting more mothers back to work is a positive thing for the kids, even if it increases the economic status of the family. My gut instinct, strictly from knowing my own child, is that AS kids have a stronger need to learn at home, or from someone they are very close to (like a parent), than perhaps children with other conditions, simply because they do tend to thrive only in a more limited social circle. The concept of me earning more money for my family has always been so far behind what I saw my son needing that the discussion in the video felt to me like it missed the mark: what my son needed was ME, and I don't think it would have changed anything, as far as my income goes, if more services and supports had been available.

I can think of other possible components he did not mention, as well, but I thought it would be interesting to hear what others here think, or how their experiences relate, first.

I didn't take from the video that he wanted the moms to be able to go to work, but that he was pushing for the moms to be less burdened by the medical/occupational/academic/speech/etc/etc care of the children (and fighting for services) so they could focus more on being moms. I get what he's saying and I agree with his point. My ability to focus on my job (whch is very important since I am a single mom) IS impaired by my need to constantly manage appropriate care for my daughter-not just a school that APPROPRIATELY educates her (which is quite a fight in and of itself) but also therapies, camps, social skills classes, etc. I think he makes a valid point about there being no standard protocol for what services are offered those with Autism but I think it would be near impossible-since it IS such a broad spectrum. I do feel stronly that the parenting demands on parents of children with autism is profound and often leads to parental/family issues and needs such as respite and counseling. What to do about that? Well I really don't know. Hopefully as Autism is understood more and more, better standards of academic and therapeutic assistance will be implemented.

But maybe I missed some of the interview as my daughter was screeching in the next room.

My mother went back to work shortly when I was 9 and initially sent me to daycare at some lady's house after school.

While I was allowed to stay in the living room by myself due to the fact that I was older than the other children, not being able to go home stressed me significantly.

For a while, I also went to the Boy's and Girls club, which I enjoyed, but I still managed to not interact with the other children.

Frequently though I would end up with her at work, which I enjoyed the most because she was an occupational therapist for special needs children and I enjoyed playing on the equipment and the kids she worked with loved having another kid there with them during their therapy.

Part of what is wrong with even NT kids now days is having both parrents working. I see the case of a single mom, but if a mother can stay home, I think she should because parrenting is a full time job. When it comes to AS kids, we dont do well being thrown in the hands of strangers and a large group setting like daycare. I always hated daycare as a kid. Kids are not parrented in day care...they are just allowed to grow up.

As for access to services...that would be nice. Even if care is not standardized...then a resource site of where to find what resources all in one place would probably help alot of parrents.

The feminist in me keeps saying...what about the Dads? I agree, parenting is a full-time job (not to say it can't be done with two working parents, just that it means a lot of extra work and stress) and single parents need to have access to respite care and supports that much more than the rest of us. Doubly so for parents of kids with special needs. However, aside from birthing and breastfeeding, there is no imperative that the full-time parent be determined by gender.

I think what particularly interested me was the simple question: what is the reason behind the stat they discovered, that families with AS children are less likely to include a working mother (as second income).

I think raising an autistic kid can make it harder for parents to work.

Throughout my childhood, my Dad worked while Mom was a full-time student. About once a week, I'd have a meltdown at school and the school would call my parents to pick me up, and since Dad was the only one with a license, he'd have to take time off work to go pick me up and take me to Mom. I suspect that's a big part of why he worked at the same place for 13 years and never got promoted.

I actually cost Dad less time from work once my parents decided to homeschool me when I was 12. I was a very independent learner and would hang out at the university library researching whatever I was interested in, and since my Dad worked at the university and my Mom was a student there I could easily go to one of them if I needed anything. But since I wasn't dealing with bullying from teachers and students, mostly I was fine without them.

And as for why Moms and not Dads, that's sexism at work. Usually the man has the better paying job, so if one parent will stay home it's better that it be the woman. Plus caring for kids is seen as 'women's work'.

I appreciate the insight in your post, thanks for sharing. On the below, however, I think most women start to see it differently when they have kids:

Yes and no. After 15 years of part time work, my husband NOW has the higher earning potential, but he didn't when we got married. It was MY choice to cut back, because I could not imagine being "mom" with a 60 hour work week (which is typical in my profession). Nature really does make it so that the mother is more likely to bond closer to the child in the first year of life (think birth, breastfeeding, etc), and while that can be overcome, and many Dad's do become wonderful primary caregivers, the assumption that infants are more likely to be closer to mom is far from sexist. When you sit there with your infant in your lap trying to decide who is going to work full time (assuming it isn't going to be both), and you know that infant prefers being with mommy (which most do), Mommy is going to be the one to cut back on work: you do what you believe your CHILD wants. Trust me, my son (first child) was NOT shy about making his preference known: he wanted mommy. No daycare, no grandmother, no dad: mommy. Women who go back to work when their children are infants cry buckets of tears over it; Dad's rarely do. My co-worker has always worked full time, as does her husband, and they logically try to stagger the schedules, but she tells me that her daughter is still crestfallen every time it's Daddy getting her from daycare, and elated every time it's mom. THAT is the kind of pressure, from our KIDS, that working moms of all stripes face, and it can be magnified a hundred times when you know your child is special needs.

Taking care of kids with special needs is more a full time job than taking care of typical kids and that is a full time job. I have one NT and four that have special needs. I worked because I had to for many years but we found a way for me to quit my job after my youngest was diagnosed. I did love what I did but my last job was also too much for me to manage, I had to take an office job where I was far more comfortable working in the hospital or mobile. The office about killed me, I was having panic attacks nearly every day. Trying to balance that and trying to get all my daughters appointments, finding someone who I trusted to watch her made me have a nervous breakdown. Right after my daughter was diagnosed, I was too. I did manage to get disability after two years but in my opinion I think anyone with a special needs child even if they do not have a handicap themselves should get some assistance. There was no way I could have managed therapy and her school, plus my son was diagnosed as well and I ended up having to home school him. I have to agree with you DW I think our kids need us to be there for them, even if they are at school part of the day. Along with therapy and school going to day care may be too much, plus how many day cares are specialized in autism? Not many.
Once my daughters school called me because they could not figure out what was wrong with her. She was crying and would not let them touch her. This was a special needs school and an autism program and they could not figure it out. If I had been at my old job, I would have been over an hour away and as it turned out she had broken her arm earlier on the playground and did not start crying about it until hours later when the swelling set in. As she would not let anyone touch her but me I was the only one that could raise her arm and see the swelling. She was not holding her arm and would not respond when asked where she hurt. She needed me and only me.
Not that I am saying people who work are wrong because some people have to but there are many people, even single moms that just cant work. I know of one who I made friends on the net with, her son can not be managed anywhere and he does not sleep most of the time. People give her a hard time for being on government assistance....what choice does she have? None!
With the rise in autism I think the government needs to find a way to help these families. Instead money is being taken away from services like Regional Centers....Im speaking of the US but I have heard of worse or just as bad in other countries. Germany has very little help or services Im told by a Mother of two Aspie sons. Here in France they do pay Mothers to stay home with their children. I know I give them a hard time about the lack of early intervention but there are some very good things about this country. I also have a disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis which is an auto immune disease that fuses your joints so I am double disabled basically. So I get free health insurance, everyone gets health insurance here but some have to pay a small fee (my husband is French and is also considered a government worker as he is a professor at a university so we get the higher insurance anyway, but because of my disabilites I get even better health care). I have two ladies that come and clean my house for me twice a week, we pay part but it is very little and very worth it. We get extra money for me because of my disability and for my children because of theirs. If they would implement early intervention and earlier diagnosis this would be the perfect place to be autistic ....sorry if my humor is misunderstood.

i think the reasoning is simply that autistic children require more care. daycares are not set up for special needs, they are usually staffed by minimum wage workers with no educational background in child development. even pre-schools have very little training if any in special needs. our autie has been in pre-school for the past 2 years, and has racked up more "sent home" time than the other two kids put together. behavioral or medical issues, doesnt matter, special needs kids simply need more attention and care that daycares and schools arent equipped or willing to provide. and its kind of hard for anyone to find a job that only exists from 9am to 3pm and allows you to take frequent days off (inservice days and holidays), 2 weeks off at christmas, and all summer off.

autism has definitely affected my job situation, but in the opposite direction. i WISH i could be a stay at home mom again. man how i wish that could happen. but my SO is autistic and due to that, him going out and getting a job is basically impossible. his stress and anxiety levels over the past 5-7 years have been increasing, long before he even had the diagnosis, and he is at the point now that he cant even talk to people. i work full time and my job barely pays over minimum wage, but it allows me flexibility to still go to doctor/school appts when i need to, which seems to be several times a month, not just for our kids but for SO as well because he cant go alone. i play the role of full time wage earner and also half the role of the stay at home parent, too, making all arrangements and attending all appts required to run a family of 5. i work full time not to boost our economic status, but for mere survival.

maybe my experience is different, but i do wonder how many other mothers out there are forced out of the home and have to go back to work full time not because of autistic children but because of having autistic partners. i am not bitter about it or anything, but i am very, very tired.

The guy in the video was saying that
"Hunting for the needed services is a full time job on its own, and it damnit it shouldn't be any longer"

My mom worked and didn't work. She has quit her job before to stay at home and work with me and has gone back to work and then has quit her job to be a stay at home mom. The majority of her paycheck went to childcare and she have about $400 (or was it $200?) left over so it wasn't worth it.

Then when I was in 5th and 6th grade she has gone back to working working as an aid in special ed. A few times when I was nine she went back to work as a nurse and worked nights. Then when I was 13, she went back to work as a nurse for good.


I often wonder what happens to low income people who can't afford to be stay at home parents because they can't live off one paycheck? I suppose they get Social Security for their child and stay at home and get assistance like food stamps or welfare.

I agree with the above.

My personal experience is quite different from the stats so I don't know what to think. I am the Mom and the "bread winner". While my job is quite flexible as far as when I work, I still am required to put in 40+ hours a week. My husband works anywhere from 12-40 hours per week but is paid far less per hour than me. His work hours are also unpredictable and once scheduled not flexible. This situation has necessistated full time child care for both of our children. We were very fortunate to have a child care provider who became like part of our family. Contrary to the experience of a poster above, our boys did receive "parenting" in this situation. I understand this is maybe not the most common experience.

I think that both parents working seems to be more successful if you are dealing with an Aspie (rather than classic autism), you can afford top-notch childcare, and you have a great school providing you with support.

A parent staying home can really benefit everyone if the parent has skills, patience, and a true interest in working with his or her child.

What really interested me was the "why" behind the stat, and I felt that the video kind of provided a theory to support an agenda, without seeing how complicated the "why" might be. Not that I disagree with the agenda; it is important in the broader sense; just that I think the "why" is more interesting and not well delved into in the interview.

Lilolme and azure crayon touched on another point I was thinking when I heard the stat: how the parents may have impairments interfering with paid work. Not all special needs have a genetic component, but AS very much seems to, and that is going to be a factor, meaning that parents of kids hindered by aspects of their AS, have increased odds of facing limitations (sensory, interpersonal issues, etc) themselves. For that, I really love the concept of paying parents to stay home with the kids that lilolme mentioned.