Aspie 12 yr old on own in holidays. worried mum needs help!!

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I have recently been officially diagnosed with AS. I asked for a diagnosis after reading up on problems that my daughter experienced since about 1 year 6 months. Having always been concerned with her symptoms and realising I had had them too, all the way through growing up, but was unable to voice them. I researched for 3 years and discovered we both have the syndrome.

3 years ago after trying to cope as a single working mum for 9 years I ended up breaking down and needed hospitalization. I asked my daughters father and his new wife to take care of her until I recovered and they did. They changed her school to a really bad area and after 1 year I recovered and asked for her back. We had to go to court as they wanted residency of my daughter by then. residency was denied and no order made because the judge said I should be able to take her back when I recovered. My daughters father refuses this even so.

I am extremely worried about leaving my daughter with her father and step mum as they have no idea regarding AS and refuse to admit there is a problem, they constantly shout at her for forgetting things and being scatty. My daughter is nearing 13 and is getting more and more stressed every day. I have now discovered they leave her on her own all day on holidays and 3 to 5 hours a day during the week as they both work - this information they did not provide for me and I found out from my daughter.

My daughter may be 12 but her mind is still very young and she is very innocent and vulnerable, her friends at school bully her without her knowing it and she has found access to internet sites and is interested in meeting boys, because all her friends are doing so. She also chokes frequently on food and is a bit clumsy. I feel awful and every minute that she is on her own, causes me to panic, so that can last all holiday.

I have organised a solicitor to help me get her back into the fold, her father will not talk civilly with me and refuses to accept she is vulnerable, so this is my only option. I called the NSPCC and they said it was not ideal but that because my daughter has no diagnosis as yet and because of her age, there is nothing I can do until I go to court.

But: WHAT can I do in the mean time to protect her, when I am not even there and she is being neglected by the people whom she lives with? If anything happens to her I will not survive it.

So, let me see if I understand this. I think maybe I do not. When you came out, your ex would not give your child back, and so you went to court. They were denied residency (physical custody?) but you still did not get her back. Who is supposed to have physical custody at this point? Is it you or joint or them? If it is you, can you get the police to help you get her?

You are currently going back to court (to get them to obey the other order, or to get a new one?) but want to help in the meantime.

I would ask your solicitor what your current rights are. If you can't physically get her back now, can you go up to school and have meetings and find out what is going on at school at least? I am from the U.S and not familiar with the rules and laws of your jurisdiction. I would try to avail myself of whatever was legally allowable under your current circumstances.

Noon, Are you in the UK? (you mention the NSPCC, so I'm assuming your are) Do you or your daughter have a social worker or have you ever accessed advocacy services? Your local social services should be able to put you in touch with an advocacy worker. I really feel you need some professional support, other than your lawyer. I really feel for your situation.

Agreed, get some professional support. There migth be some sort of "mothers support group" (I do not know what you call such places in the UK or US). We AS people are not always well equipped to deal with situations like these.

I do not know how well you know your self and your problems? Consider if you have problems voicing your feelings, ansvering back in a quick manner etc.

The NT world find it very important that you put words on your feelings, if you are not good at it, practice (fake it if you have to!).

I do feel for you, I am in a situation not very different (mut not so bad as yours).

Thank you all for your quick replies!

The judge made No Order, a rule that applies for our situation in UK, when the child is being cared for by at least one parent, no one has custody but the courts were happy that we have an agreement that whomever has our daughter full time, so to speak, the other has her on weekends and half holidays. The Judge said that when I get better, if we can't decide amicably, we must go back to court to appeal for an Order. This is how it was when we split up when our daughter was 2, I cared for my son and daughter very well, worked full time and we had a great family life. A few awful outside events in a row 7 years later caused me to break down. My son is 20 now and he was very helpful. We are so close just me and the kids.
It was always friendly with her dad until the new wife, she is very bossy and demanding and says I cannot have my daughter back until she is 16, she says my daughter is just being lazy and scatty when not doing her tasks. but my daughter just forgets very easily to clean herself and her room, not to be friendly to strangers and remember school things etc. They refuse to believe she has AS and they said I cannot look after her properly Because I have it!

I am 38 and went to an all girls school so I learnt after a while how to 'act' my feelings, like you guys! I studied social situations and realised the difference between bullies and friends, my daughters 'friends' at this school have threatened her to be in their group, by taking a video of her hugging a tree, which sounds funny to us, but at 12 my daughter is terrified they will put it on YouTube, which these girls have said they will do if she doesn't do everything they tell her. This past weekend I found her on an internet game and asked her all about it. These girls were on there setting her up with 4 strangers, after she mentioned she wanted a boyfriend one day. One was a pervert asking her age and address etc. another was actually one of the girls, pretending to be the ideal boy for her.
I was in tears and called her father, all he did was call her, shout at her and told her not to do it again. I spoke with her about it and I hope she knows these girls are bad news. But it's 3 against 1.

I have complained to the school before but it has just merged with another school, 1,500 pupils to look after. They have not got back to me but you are right, I will try arrange a meeting with them and her father this time.
Support groups are few and I am trying but there is not much to go on.

I woke up this morning in a panick attack and until we go to court, and If I get her back, I will keep on screaming inside my head.
How can I let her be on her own knowingly in danger?? I feel like someone tore off all of my limbs.

I will have a look for Advocacy worker, thank you for that advice, I do have a support worker who is helping me to get a lovely flat in a quiet area, however she can't help with anything other than tenancy and benefits. I will get on some more research. Thanks x