Kraichgauer
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Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 49,241
Location: Spokane area, Washington state.
27 May 2018, 1:48 am
goldfish21 wrote:
Kraichgauer wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Kraichgauer wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Kraichgauer wrote:
LoveNotHate wrote:
He won't even do chores in the house.
Well, he is an adult, not a child ordered to do chores. Unless there was an agreement that his staying at his parent's house was incumbent on him doing chores, I don't see why that's relevant.
Um, how can you not see how it's relevant?
If he's not paying rent, the least he could do is help clean & maintain the family home and property with his labour in lieu of contributing cash towards the costs of him living there.
That's how it's relevant. The outside observer would be plenty more tolerant of the guy if he at least did SOMETHING to contribute to his parents' household if he can't work a job and pay money.
Well, yes - - if that had been agreed upon when he first moved in as a condition of his of his living there.
*smh*
You're not understanding this.. perhaps because it's an "unwritten rule," or a "non verbally communicated general rule of social society," sort of thing. I might be misinterpreting your post, but it seems as if you're oblivious to this particular "social rule," due to ASD.
Even without an verbal conversation or written contractual agreement, it's simply generally expected that adult children living in their parents' home do chores/housework/cleaning/property maintenance etc to help their parents out, and ESPECIALLY so if they're not contributing financially. His parents likely expect it, any outside observer, too.. so when people learn that he's not even doing what he can by helping his parents out with his labour instead of rent money, they judge him quite harshly & negatively for it. Depending on his own diagnosis & level of awareness about this stuff, he may not even realize any of these things, either.
Perhaps. But usually if parents want compensation from a grown child whose had to move back in, some sort of agreement concerning payment of rent, or the performance of certain chores is a condition immediately brought up.
Not necessarily.
Not if your father is like mine and he just
& carries on doing work that's required without asking me or anyone else to help him get it done - not realizing that I/we may be oblivious to the fact that we're expected to be helping out.When my functioning level is lower, I overlook things like this. When it's higher, I anticipate work that needs to be done & get it done without being asked. It's the latter that's the NT norm.
My late dad would simply ask if I could give him a hand, and I would. But as long as I lived with them in my earlier adulthood, they never required chores or rent for my living there. Then again, as I already said, I never had any problem helping out.
27 May 2018, 4:42 am
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
27 May 2018, 5:24 am
Nira wrote:
If the boy at home has everything what he want, why he should work?
Goals? Self actualization? Personal pride? Independance? etc.. sounds like there is something wrong with the 25 year old you described - maybe that's something medical, or maybe it's that he's just lazy. But even him thinking what he's doing is acceptable is symptomatic of his brain not functioning properly if he can't perceive that it's wrong of him to make this decision and take this action. (to do nothing & take advantage of his parents.) My Great Grandmother had a saying: "There are no lazy people. There's something wrong with them."
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.neilson_wheels
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Age: 55
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Location: London, Capital of the Un-United Kingdom
27 May 2018, 5:36 am
goldfish21
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
27 May 2018, 5:46 am
neilson_wheels wrote:
Nira already said all of that in her post. She even asked for some consideration for poor english in her signature too.
I read, comprehended, and responded to Nira's post just fine, thank you.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.neilson_wheels
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Age: 55
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Location: London, Capital of the Un-United Kingdom
27 May 2018, 5:50 am
Maybe you could try again 
27 May 2018, 8:20 am
goldfish21
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
27 May 2018, 11:48 am
green0star wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Same goes for whoever said because he fathered a child that he should be capable of working.. wtf? Just because a male can get an erection & have an orgasm doesn't automatically mean he's fit for work.
If you're "man" enough to drop a baby in a woman then you need to be "man" enough to take care of it. Which means going out, working for a living and doing what you need to do as an adult. If you don't wanna take care of kids then you shouldn't have them, and if you don't realize that all it takes is one time then you shouldn't be having sex then.
Also the way you commented that makes you sound like you don't even know where children come from at all ... An erection and an orgasm you say??? Ever heard of protection, or "pulling out"??? Sure beats the crap out of jizzing inside a woman and having a chance of being on the hook 9 months later for a possible 18 years of your life. That child support order is real bruhh.
I comprehend this. You comprehend this. What is this guy's IQ & functioning level? Maybe neither is high enough to get this and make proper decisions. Or maybe he just did it like countless intelligent men who then end up having their girlfriend's take a plan B pill or get an abortion. Anyways, just because he could get his dick up & blow a load doesn't mean he's bright enough to have considered what might happen in terms of pregnancy etc. You're making a lot of assumptions about the guy.. when clearly from even one short video clip interview it's very obvious he has mental health issues and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if those issues include impulse control issues that extend to sexual activity.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.27 May 2018, 1:02 pm
goldfish21
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Age: 42
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Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
27 May 2018, 1:31 pm
Nira wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Nira wrote:
If the boy at home has everything what he want, why he should work?
Goals? Self actualization? Personal pride? Independance? etc.. sounds like there is something wrong with the 25 year old you described - maybe that's something medical, or maybe it's that he's just lazy. But even him thinking what he's doing is acceptable is symptomatic of his brain not functioning properly if he can't perceive that it's wrong of him to make this decision and take this action. (to do nothing & take advantage of his parents.) My Great Grandmother had a saying: "There are no lazy people. There's something wrong with them."
Sure is something wrong with him. I believe addiction on computer games doesn't exist, but maybe I'm wrong and he is addicted, I don't know.
But the difference is whether he is unhappy in his situation and he want change something but he can't or if he is satisfied and he want change nothing and only his parents are unhappy. (In this cause i don't understand why they only complain and don't search some solutions.)
In my parent's house we didn't have hot water, no privacy, I had problems with my brother, my mother often screamed to us... I had a lot of reasons to move out, strong motivation for study to be able once live independently and have sufficient income... But if he has all what he needs, maybe it is bad for him.
Video game/social media/internet addiction is definitely a very real thing.
Perhaps his parents don't know what to do? Maybe they're embarrassed and think they have failed and that seeking outside help is shameful? Maybe they don't want to admit or accept that there may be something wrong with their son? Maybe their son won't admit there's something wrong with him? Or that he's lazy. Maybe his parents have tried everything they can think of and just leaving this as they are keeps the peace in their family so they just carry on doing as they're doing because they feel it's the best balance of a solution for them all?
But you may also be correct that they're simply enabling him to do nothing & don't realize that providing him with all the comforts of life + access to his addiction to playing video games is contributing big time to his not doing anything for himself.. kind of like people giving money to drug/alcohol addicts for food or whatever thinking they're helping them but all they're really doing is enabling them to spend their own money on their substance abuse. Maybe they should consider cutting off certain luxuries from him, or making him pay for them, & then increasing his responsibilities until he's paying them rent. They do have options & if they choose not to exercise them then they are choosing to continue paying for his life.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
27 May 2018, 8:58 pm
goldfish21
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
28 May 2018, 6:23 am
Xenoquineo wrote:
I’d feel like a loser if I still lived with my parents at age 30, I would not want to be like principal skinner from the simpsons, I’m going to be 25 in 11/1/18, and sometimes I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to grow up and be independent. Yet how to get back on your feet when suddenly kicked out and on the streets? Though would be unfair to be a freeloader like squidward in a spongebob episode called can you spare a dime.
I’m 35 and rent from my parents. But it’s pretty common where I live - we have the highest rate of adult children living in their parents homes in the country because it’s insanely expensive to buy/rent here. I live about an hour’s drive from downtown and every house on my block is worth $1.1-1.2M. My generation and younger have roommates and pay high rents etc so it’s pretty common for event NT’s over 30 to live at their parents place. Or even for married couples with kids to move in with one of their parents etc. Being over 30 and at your parents place doesn’t automatically make you a loser.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
28 May 2018, 11:40 am
28 May 2018, 7:20 pm
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
28 May 2018, 7:27 pm
Raptor wrote:
Xenoquineo wrote:
I’d feel like a loser if I still lived with my parents at age 30,
No kidding
I left the nest at 19 and should have left sooner.
Two of my cousins left home at 17, one GED'd and the other graduated HS early.
IMO, parents only have a financial responsibility to their kids until they turn 18 and graduate HS. The only exception would be a *true handicap.
*A handicap in which one cannot reasonable be expected to look after oneself and earn a living.
That was the way it was here for my parents generation. But now that local incomes have barely risen in 40 years and real estate prices are insane, there isn’t the same social norm of being independent by 20 or w/e, so there’s no stigma here for living with family anymore.
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.28 May 2018, 7:40 pm
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