I've gotten back into that old destructive cycle of

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feeling crappy > cutting myself > promising never to do it again > cutting myself > feeling crappy about breaking the promise > cutting myself again etc.

i can't stop.
i tried talking about it, not thinking about it, running away from it, talking to my therapist.
nothing.

Just keep trying. You'll break it. You have the right strength of character. Have you talked to Stefan for help? Friends are sometimes much better help than anything else.

Above all, don't give up. Create a new and better cycle if you need to. Just don't give up.

I did talk to him about it.
He doesn't like it. But he doesn't know what to do.
He said he can't watch me all the time and he's not a therapist - he doesn't know how to make me feel better.

I just thought getting on with things and not thinking about it would help, but it doesn't.
It's all I think about.

Have you thought of ways to at least stop yourself from cutting? If you feel crappy, do something that makes you feel good then. :\

Since I'm not a cutter, I know I can't really identify with what you're going through, so excuse me if this is totally stupid or unsympathetic or completely irrelevant.

I don't cut myself, but I like to pick scabs. If there aren't any scabs, I am tempted to make some... but of course that would involve cutting and then waiting a few days. So instead I smear Elmer's white glue on my hands, and let it dry, and then peel it off. I've done this for as long as I can remember. It's not self-destructive, it's cheap, and the only problems occur if the phone rings while I'm still "gluey."

Might be worth a try. Meanwhile, I wish you well. As Jonsi said, don't give up.

I really do try. I tried all that. I don't understand it either.
I just don't get it - why can't I stop myself?


@blastoff - i like to do that glue thing too. >.< although i forget and put my hands in my hair often before it dries. ¬¬

You can stop it, the problem is that it's a coping mechanism, which is hard to break. I have one myself that I'm trying to break, so I can identify with that factor of the problem. Have you considered simply listening to beautiful music? Like sitting down, shutting every source of noise off, closing your eyes and simply listening to what makes the piece beautiful. It's what I do when I feel like crap, maybe it will help you?

I have suggestions if you haven't and would like to try.

Last edited by Jonsi on 13 Feb 2011, 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i'm willing to try anything to be honest.
i'll be okay about it for tonight because stefans here, but when he's at work and i'm alone the problems start...

do you think it could help? because i always try and keep superbusy, but maybe i should try the opposite - being still and calm instead.
it's interesting.

For me, I find that if I listen to happy music, I'll feel happy, and I'll feel like life is worth it. I think this would work for anyone to be honest. Sigur Rós is what I listen to for happy feelings. But it depends on what you like.

Do try it, though. It's always worth a shot.

Yeah, that's true.

It's just getting frustrating. I hate not having control over what I do, and I feel like I don't over this.
It worries me, especially if I get worked up, I don't know when to stop.
It's landed me in hospital before and I don't want to end up there.

Well, you definitely have my support if you need it.

Things will get better you are young, so you have a lot of time to work with.

Thank you

& aha yeah, i like thing to be solved quickly. >.<
damn impatience.

i think just rambling about it here helps some, i feel so bad unloading it all on Stefan, when there's nothing more he can do to help me.

While there isn't anything different he can do, he can still make you feel loved. That in itself is great, I think.

I'm kinda impatient myself. Which shows when I play an instrument... I'm usually going too fast. D:

not to mention they look so ugly. ugly cuts. ick.
as long as i don't start on the cigarette burns again, it'll be ok.

there's only so long he can love me if i keep this up.

i wish i could play an instrument, my hands never do what my head is telling them to when i try.

I work with the same problem, which is why I have a hard time sightreading music sheets. I still can do it, it'll usually take a little bit longer than I hope, but in time it always works out. And when in doubt, you can always play a flute. Those are quite easy to learn.

Of course another one of my problems is that I try to learn a million different instruments at once...

I can play the triangle.