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sly279
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19 May 2019, 4:45 pm

I went today for first time in 16 years. I dont know they play worship music, sing and women hold their hands up. They say raise you hands up , I don’t get that and I sat and listened, music was too loud for me. Mostly men there. Sermon was ok. End music was good. I feel odd out for not standing, singing and holding hands, but I can’t do that.

Anyone else feel like that.


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TwilightPrincess
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19 May 2019, 4:48 pm

It sounds like a southern baptist type of church.

I would probably feel a little uncomfortable in a place like that, but some people enjoy it.


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kraftiekortie
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19 May 2019, 4:49 pm

Maybe try a Methodist or Lutheran church?



sly279
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19 May 2019, 5:07 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Maybe try a Methodist or Lutheran church?

I’m not Methodist or Lutheran though.


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sly279
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19 May 2019, 5:11 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
It sounds like a southern baptist type of church.

I would probably feel a little uncomfortable in a place like that, but some people enjoy it.

It’s a smaller church at least but still over 100 people which is a lot. I almost turned away when seeing so many outside the door. Most the women there were Young, attractive, thin and small. Wish I could move to a uglier area. I’m going try playing lottery ever so often.

Glad I’m nit only one who doesn’t find it comfortable. Grandma suggested maybe I try skipping the worship and attend sermon, but then I’d have to sneak in and find a spot after it’s started.


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19 May 2019, 5:21 pm

You don't have to do the same things that others are doing. I was once a doorman (Unofficial deacon) at a small church where there were usually about 20 people. I did this in my early 20's to about my early 30's. It was good for me as the church would hold about 60 to 80 and I was seated right at the back by the door. I always find I am ok if I am by the door as I don't panic so much. I relax.
Just sit and relax. Also, you don't have to go to church to have faith in Jesus. It is not compulsary. It is nice to get to meet people and maybe learn things through peoples experiences. You would be surprized what one can learn from people.


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TwilightPrincess
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19 May 2019, 5:27 pm

sly279 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
It sounds like a southern baptist type of church.

I would probably feel a little uncomfortable in a place like that, but some people enjoy it.

It’s a smaller church at least but still over 100 people which is a lot. I almost turned away when seeing so many outside the door. Most the women there were Young, attractive, thin and small. Wish I could move to a uglier area. I’m going try playing lottery ever so often.

Glad I’m nit only one who doesn’t find it comfortable. Grandma suggested maybe I try skipping the worship and attend sermon, but then I’d have to sneak in and find a spot after it’s started.


An uglier area?

You probably don’t give yourself enough credit. The first boy I dated was morbidly obese and I was thin. Not every girl is superficial.

I don’t want to keep harping on my experience, but not everything is about looks.


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19 May 2019, 6:19 pm

I do hope you find a comfortable place. Don't worry about what other people think. They are all probably worrying about the same thing.

I had the greatest difficulty in finding a church I could feel comfortable in. I have found one but it took a long time and every uncomfortable experience was followed by a long period of "Well I'm not going to try that again!"

Now I have found a small church that I am ok with it turns out there are several autistic people there, and statistically that is an anomaly I think. (I am not a statitician) I am not bothered with the worship and singing, what bothers me about some/most churches is the anti gay thing. I am not generally 'out' at church, but I feel extremely uncomfortable knowing people would reject me if they knew all about me. I guess that doesn't really relate to what you were saying Sly, but I can relate to the extreme discomfort. And I am a happier person inside for being a part of a church. Thats just me, I'm not saying everyone should be like that.

I don't know if my comments are in any way helpful, I just wanted to connect with you Sly.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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19 May 2019, 6:26 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
It sounds like a southern baptist type of church.

I would probably feel a little uncomfortable in a place like that, but some people enjoy it.

It’s a smaller church at least but still over 100 people which is a lot. I almost turned away when seeing so many outside the door. Most the women there were Young, attractive, thin and small. Wish I could move to a uglier area. I’m going try playing lottery ever so often.

Glad I’m nit only one who doesn’t find it comfortable. Grandma suggested maybe I try skipping the worship and attend sermon, but then I’d have to sneak in and find a spot after it’s started.


An uglier area?

You probably don’t give yourself enough credit. The first boy I dated was morbidly obese and I was thin. Not every girl is superficial.

I don’t want to keep harping on my experience, but not everything is about looks.

It seems like physical attractiveness doesn't even factor in for you when selecting a partner. To most people, physical attraction is quite important in a relationship. A person who dates people solely on the basis of personality is very rare.



sly279
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19 May 2019, 6:26 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
You don't have to do the same things that others are doing. I was once a doorman (Unofficial deacon) at a small church where there were usually about 20 people. I did this in my early 20's to about my early 30's. It was good for me as the church would hold about 60 to 80 and I was seated right at the back by the door. I always find I am ok if I am by the door as I don't panic so much. I relax.
Just sit and relax. Also, you don't have to go to church to have faith in Jesus. It is not compulsary. It is nice to get to meet people and maybe learn things through peoples experiences. You would be surprized what one can learn from people.


This church has the door at the left side and emergency exit at right side. I’d rather not sit near the door anymore Incase a shooter happens.

I dont know where to look either. I don’t want people(women) to think I’m looking at the, it I feel if I close my eyes people will think I’m sleeping.

I feel I’m at wits end and am trying to reach out for help or something. The isolation, nothing getting better and lack of romantic love for 31 years is getting to me.


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sly279
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19 May 2019, 6:30 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

An uglier area?

You probably don’t give yourself enough credit. The first boy I dated was morbidly obese and I was thin. Not every girl is superficial.

I don’t want to keep harping on my experience, but not everything is about looks.

I seem to live in a city of super models. Most women here would never date a chubby ugly loser like me. They want thin fit guys with good jobs.


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TwilightPrincess
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19 May 2019, 6:36 pm

sly279 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

An uglier area?

You probably don’t give yourself enough credit. The first boy I dated was morbidly obese and I was thin. Not every girl is superficial.

I don’t want to keep harping on my experience, but not everything is about looks.

I seem to live in a city of super models. Most women here would never date a chubby ugly loser like me. They want thin fit guys with good jobs.


I don’t think every woman wants that. We aren’t all carbon copies of each other.


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sly279
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19 May 2019, 7:20 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

An uglier area?

You probably don’t give yourself enough credit. The first boy I dated was morbidly obese and I was thin. Not every girl is superficial.

I don’t want to keep harping on my experience, but not everything is about looks.

I seem to live in a city of super models. Most women here would never date a chubby ugly loser like me. They want thin fit guys with good jobs.


I don’t think every woman wants that. We aren’t all carbon copies of each other.


I don’t think many if any desire, ugly, chubby, unemployed men, do you?


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kraftiekortie
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19 May 2019, 7:31 pm

You might be chubby.....but you’re not the other two.

I’m chubby, and not really good-looking in a “hunk” sense.....



TwilightPrincess
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19 May 2019, 7:58 pm

sly279 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

An uglier area?

You probably don’t give yourself enough credit. The first boy I dated was morbidly obese and I was thin. Not every girl is superficial.

I don’t want to keep harping on my experience, but not everything is about looks.

I seem to live in a city of super models. Most women here would never date a chubby ugly loser like me. They want thin fit guys with good jobs.


I don’t think every woman wants that. We aren’t all carbon copies of each other.


I don’t think many if any desire, ugly, chubby, unemployed men, do you?


The first boy I dated was very obese. I still thought he was good-looking, though. He worked for his family’s business. We grew up together and I had had a crush on him for years because I liked his personality. I thought he was sweet.

I doubt you are ugly. Do you have a picture on here? Even if you aren’t classically good-looking, a good personality can make someone appear attractive.

I bet shyness and a lack of confidence are holding you back more than anything else.


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19 May 2019, 8:07 pm

I wear my earplugs at church. They're clear and virtually invisible. Otherwise it's often too loud for me with the singing or the unexpected piercing wail of a baby, etc. The handshakes halfway through are hard for me. I hate it. I hate shaking people's hands. Especially if, for example, the person in front of me has a raspy cough and then all I can think about is them expecting to shake their hand. I play it by ear, but often my tactic is to spend a lot of time shaking the hands of my family members and then "the ship sails" with shaking the hands of others and I just turn and give them each a smile or a wave. If they're offended, I don't really care.