Seems like the whole world is going to hell.

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oh no double post

You don't have to change your thinking, if you change or not is completely up to you. The question becomes, do you really want to continue like this? Sometimes, when things get bad enough we just have to make a decision. Do we fear the change? Or do we fear what is going to happen if we don't change?

Honestly, most people I admire and respect have had to go through the whole process, which means that in order for them to achieve and get to where they want to be, they have to hit rock bottom first. I can't think of anyone I admire who hasn't gone through that process.

Maybe if you're hitting rock bottom, or perhaps after you do, things will turn around for you.

I know I had to hit rock bottom, and it sure as hell wasn't pretty. I wouldn't want anyone to go through it but sometimes that's exactly what we need to do.

Adapting and more importantly accepting it and yourself doesn't have to be a road of pain. I've accepted and adapted to my various conditions recently, and there's a lot more freedom that has come with it. I enjoy it a lot more, there are definitely some major upsides to this. I get to be by myself without feeling guilty because of what I "should" be doing. I interact with others when and how I choose to. And best of all I have a brilliant excuse for pursuing my passion outside of work hours without anyone to tell me off for it anymore.

This kind of thing doesn't just "happen", it's a road. I used to think the same way you do. It's just that now I what is there in comparison, I wouldn't want to go back there because it's simply not worth it. I view the road you're on now as "too difficult" much like you view the road I'm on now as "too difficult". You fear to do it, I fear what happens if I DON'T do it.

"Does not sound like a bad idea, its just hard not to be effected by all the stuff I have internalized. But yeah I more or less am trying to accept myself as the person I am and not be so concerned with that sort of thing."

Maybe this is the difference? My diagnosis gave me the excuse I needed to throw out all the crap that I had internalized. All the things that didn't serve me and only made me feel worse, trapped, depressed and pointless were thrown out (interestingly were all from things other people said /thought) because I finally understood there was nothing wrong with me.

"See the life I've had, can make a good man bad"

- Please, please, please let me get what I want, The Smiths

You sound very depressed. You need to be honest with the doc/therapist and tell him/her how depressed and crappy you are feeling. There are meds that can help. I feel that most of the time people should avoid mind meds, but in a severe case of depression, as you seem to have, it is sometimes necessary to take meds to treat the condition.

You don't really seem to be trying to get the help you need, though. Rather, you seem to be wallowing in your depression pit by choice. That's not healthy, and is a turn-off to the people around you.

You also need to do stuff on your own to help distract yourself from your problems, and keep yourself occupied.

- Listen to and/or play music
- Exercise
- Read funny stories
- Hobbies
- Volunteer with charities. There are people out there who are worse off than you, who could really use your help.
- Join a club
- Take courses, either in person or online. Some of the online courses are free.
- Watch funny TV shows or DVDs
- Surf the I-net
- Get a job. Try the employment agencies. If you don't have a particular type of work in mind tell them you want to temp for a while, so you can try different types of work.

Now stop the pity party, get some help from your doc/therapist, and get off your duff and do stuff!

ok double post...

"I don't have an official diagnoses to prove myself with.....and even if I did I still feel like people would still expect me to just get over it and function normally with no difficulties. I just can't live up to that, and the getting PTSD while I was in the process of trying to more or less try and get over the depression by going to therapy thinking that would help certainly did not help matters as that just made all the depression and anxiety symptoms worse. But I tried to ignore it and go to college anyways and well I can't even handle two classes a semester and had to drop out recently."

Would it help you to get an official diagnosis? Would it give you any peace of mind or help with how you feel about it? If it won't change anything, then don't bother. But if it helps you in some way then it may be worth considering. Also, a DX might mean you qualify for some accommodations if you choose at a later point to try college again.

A psychologist is only going to be able to help you if they experience in this particular field and if you are honest with them, if you don't have both of those things then therapy isn't going to help you.

Nobody expects you to function with no difficulties, not at all. I don't think any one of us on here think that you're not going to have difficulties. It's going to happen, that's why dealing with it in the right way is essential. I would be lying if I said I don't face issues with this, it's just that I've figured out what I need to keep myself balanced to stop them from turning into a big thing when it doesn't need to be or from spiralling out of control. If I let a spiral start, it's always more difficult to stop.

Honestly, I think those of us have more mental strength than those that don't have to live with it, on average. I'm sure you could put that to good use somewhere, even if it's a hobby or passion of yours. What were you studying at college? How serious were you about pursuing it?