I hate being an extrovert.
I push myself so hard to be introvert-like just because, in university, you are expected to spend hours sitting and reading on your own. I can do that, but then I feel drained. A lot of communication nowadays happens through email, but I can't stand that sort of distance; I need to talk on the phone, or even better, face-to-face. I sometimes get drawn to things that are "shallow" because I find them emotionally stimulating, like watching music videos about socializing and partying, but then I hate myself for it and hide it from other people because I'm surrounded by intellectual introverts and feel ashamed of doing these things. I do it, though, because I miss people so much and it at least gives me some taste of the social.
On one hand, I love what I am studying, but on the other hand, I hate to push myself so much into someone I'm not. I FORCE myself not to talk to people. I FORCE myself to not attend any social events, because I am serious about my future and have some learning challenges, to overcome which I have to spend more time on studying than the average person to get the grades I need for grad school. But then I end up being depressed like this and just can't focus on anything at all. When I try to socialize a little and then stop myself because I could be doing "better things", I just start craving more. I just wish people would stop saying that extroverts are idiots who have it easy. It's not easy, and today's increasingly remote society makes it even harder for us. If you've an introvert - be happy: I envy you.
Anyone would experience distress if their base level needs are not met. Introvert does not mean hermit. Anyway don't take it personally when people talk about extroverts, they don't mean autistic extroverts. The hypotheses about what causes introversion and extroversion all go out the window with autism - they assume neurotypicality. All research that's done on the human psyche reject autistic participants (if the study is not about autism).
It's ok being an extrovert, neurodiverse or neurotypical. Don't worry about what you think people "should" enjoy, or feel ashamed of what entertainment you like. Sometimes what people are doing when they are praising introversion is trying to remove the stigma - sadly that sometimes means talking s**t about extroverts. The group that experiences most vilification from the general public is still introverts.
MathGirl,
If I followed the OP and the following posts correctly, I understand what you're saying. I can't speak for Canada, but down here, social rules when it comes to introversion and extroversion are more complicated than I fully understand.
The description that comes to mind when I read this thread was "Individuals without an affinity group", in the above case, students in a (graduate?) program. Being in an (offline) social group is difficult with AS, and when the social "pool" is limited to an existing affinity group, it gets dicey fairly quickly.
I'm not sure what encouragement to offer you.
_________________
Our first challenge is to create an entire economic infrastructure, from top to bottom, out of whole cloth.
-CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly"
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Firaxis Games)
While my response has little to do with MathGirl's OP, I'm not entirely sure that the cultural/social definition(s) of introvert/extrovert are even valid in any event. I really think the models, if they ever really existed as anything other than a cultural reference point, seem to break down under current condictions when looked at.
_________________
Our first challenge is to create an entire economic infrastructure, from top to bottom, out of whole cloth.
-CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly"
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Firaxis Games)
I push myself so hard to be introvert-like just because, in university, you are expected to spend hours sitting and reading on your own. I can do that, but then I feel drained. A lot of communication nowadays happens through email, but I can't stand that sort of distance; I need to talk on the phone, or even better, face-to-face. I sometimes get drawn to things that are "shallow" because I find them emotionally stimulating, like watching music videos about socializing and partying, but then I hate myself for it and hide it from other people because I'm surrounded by intellectual introverts and feel ashamed of doing these things. I do it, though, because I miss people so much and it at least gives me some taste of the social.
On one hand, I love what I am studying, but on the other hand, I hate to push myself so much into someone I'm not. I FORCE myself not to talk to people. I FORCE myself to not attend any social events, because I am serious about my future and have some learning challenges, to overcome which I have to spend more time on studying than the average person to get the grades I need for grad school. But then I end up being depressed like this and just can't focus on anything at all. When I try to socialize a little and then stop myself because I could be doing "better things", I just start craving more. I just wish people would stop saying that extroverts are idiots who have it easy. It's not easy, and today's increasingly remote society makes it even harder for us. If you've an introvert - be happy: I envy you.
Better than being antisocial. I wish I was more social...I'm the type of Aspie who not only has difficulty socializing, but also doesn't enjoy it much. But then again, you said you envy introverts. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
While my response has little to do with MathGirl's OP, I'm not entirely sure that the cultural/social definition(s) of introvert/extrovert are even valid in any event. I really think the models, if they ever really existed as anything other than a cultural reference point, seem to break down under current condictions when looked at.
That's an interesting way of thinking about it. I'm not an expert on introversion and extroversion, so I'll paste this from Wiki so we know everyone is talking about the same thing

Extraversion is "the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self". Extroverts tend to enjoy human interactions and to be enthusiastic, talkative, assertive, and gregarious. They take pleasure in activities that involve large social gatherings, such as parties, community activities, public demonstrations, and business or political groups. Politics, teaching, sales, managing and brokering are fields that favor extroversion. An extroverted person is likely to enjoy time spent with people and find less reward in time spent alone. They tend to be energized when around other people, and they are more prone to boredom when they are by themselves.
Introversion
Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life". Some popular writers have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. This is similar to Jung's view, although he focused on psychic energy rather than physical energy. Few modern conceptions make this distinction.
The common modern perception is that introverts tend to be more reserved and less outspoken in groups. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, using computers, hiking and fishing. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though he or she may enjoy interactions with close friends. Trust is usually an issue of significance: a virtue of utmost importance to an introvert is choosing a worthy companion. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate, especially observed in developing children and adolescents. They are more analytical before speaking. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement, introversion having even been defined by some in terms of a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating environment.
Introversion is not seen as being identical to shy or to being a social outcast. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear.
There are people that do enjoy socialising, and those that don't. There can be many reasons for that. In a way introversion and extroversion are diagnoses, as the labels deals with much more than that - it's a way to talk about different kinds of people without the stigma of mental illness. Notice how much detail is put into describing introverts - it's very obvious they assume we all are familiar with extroverts. It's very easy to see why so many autistics score as introverts, whether they enjoy socialising or not. The concept comes from a time before neurodiversity was as widely known as it is now. I would prefer if they would update the definition, or that the label "asocial" becomes more widely used as it's more precise. Here is the (less positive) definition of asocial from Wiki:
Asociality is seen as a desirable trait in certain monastic traditions, notably in Catholicism, Buddhism and Sufism. It is lauded both as a tool of alienation from superficial secular life and of enabling a lifestyle of uninterrupted contemplation.
A degree of asociality is routinely observed in introverts, while extreme asociality is observed in schizophrenia patients. In schizophrenia it is characterised by an inability to empathise, to feel intimacy with, or to form close relationships with others (Davidson & Neale 1994). Asociality has also been observed in individuals who have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Autism, usually due to bullying and social discouragement in adolescence.
Asociality is not necessarily perceived as a totally negative trait by society, since expressing asociality has been used as a way to express independence of the mind from prevailing ideas (dissent). Expressing asociality can also be used as a form of humour to indicate an issue (e.g. used for pointing out the exaggerations of social network services.
Even though I've described myself as a semi-hermit, I'm simply asocial (but semi-hermit is a cuter word)

Anyway, asocial is the right word, let's adopt it instead of this introversion/extroversion thing (as we can already assume that almost all of us are "introverts").
It happens. I'm an extrovert too... just not always very good at it haha
Extroversion/Introversion, at least to me, isn't about how good you are at maneuvering in social situations, it's about how much you enjoy them. I enjoy being social very much, I just suck at it sometimes.
_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.
I am an introvert, but I do things like that, and I´ll be 60 by the end of next month.
_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven
I am an introvert, but I do things like that, and I´ll be 60 by the end of next month.
You both are like me that way. I like to talk to people, and share ideas and jokes and what not, but I ain't good at it.

Very diplomatic Anomiel

Extraversion is "the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self". Extroverts tend to enjoy human interactions and to be enthusiastic, talkative, assertive, and gregarious. They take pleasure in activities that involve large social gatherings, such as parties, community activities, public demonstrations, and business or political groups. Politics, teaching, sales, managing and brokering are fields that favor extroversion. An extroverted person is likely to enjoy time spent with people and find less reward in time spent alone. They tend to be energized when around other people, and they are more prone to boredom when they are by themselves.
Introversion
Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life". Some popular writers have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction. This is similar to Jung's view, although he focused on psychic energy rather than physical energy. Few modern conceptions make this distinction.
The common modern perception is that introverts tend to be more reserved and less outspoken in groups. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, using computers, hiking and fishing. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though he or she may enjoy interactions with close friends. Trust is usually an issue of significance: a virtue of utmost importance to an introvert is choosing a worthy companion. They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate, especially observed in developing children and adolescents. They are more analytical before speaking. Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement, introversion having even been defined by some in terms of a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating environment.
Introversion is not seen as being identical to shy or to being a social outcast. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear.
There are people that do enjoy socialising, and those that don't. There can be many reasons for that. In a way introversion and extroversion are diagnoses, as the labels deals with much more than that - it's a way to talk about different kinds of people without the stigma of mental illness. Notice how much detail is put into describing introverts - it's very obvious they assume we all are familiar with extroverts. It's very easy to see why so many autistics score as introverts, whether they enjoy socialising or not. The concept comes from a time before neurodiversity was as widely known as it is now. I would prefer if they would update the definition, or that the label "asocial" becomes more widely used as it's more precise. Here is the (less positive) definition of asocial from Wiki:
Asociality is seen as a desirable trait in certain monastic traditions, notably in Catholicism, Buddhism and Sufism. It is lauded both as a tool of alienation from superficial secular life and of enabling a lifestyle of uninterrupted contemplation.
A degree of asociality is routinely observed in introverts, while extreme asociality is observed in schizophrenia patients. In schizophrenia it is characterised by an inability to empathise, to feel intimacy with, or to form close relationships with others (Davidson & Neale 1994). Asociality has also been observed in individuals who have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and Autism, usually due to bullying and social discouragement in adolescence.
Asociality is not necessarily perceived as a totally negative trait by society, since expressing asociality has been used as a way to express independence of the mind from prevailing ideas (dissent). Expressing asociality can also be used as a form of humour to indicate an issue (e.g. used for pointing out the exaggerations of social network services.
Even though I've described myself as a semi-hermit, I'm simply asocial (but semi-hermit is a cuter word)

Anyway, asocial is the right word, let's adopt it instead of this introversion/extroversion thing (as we can already assume that almost all of us are "introverts").
My problem with extroversion/introversion, as applied, is that they seldom take into account the cultural and/or social frame of reference. The OP presented a case where the writer feels more "extroverted", but is under cultural pressure to be "introverted". On the other hand, the average WPer appears to have an elevated level of social anxiety that generally appears to lead to being "introverted".
Unfortunately, I've seldom seen such fine qualifications on the matter. It's uncommon to hear "They are extroverted, but they have Social Anxiety, and they didn't sleep well last night".
_________________
Our first challenge is to create an entire economic infrastructure, from top to bottom, out of whole cloth.
-CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly"
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Firaxis Games)
I keep to simple principles:
Extroverts recharge in the company of others and all the goings on there.
Introverts recharge alone with their interests and thoughts.
_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven
Last edited by Jensen on 19 Jul 2013, 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
mental illness perhaps? I used to be a loud mouth bore in my major depressive/ anxious days ,not saying that's the case for all of us but I am sure it's many

and no I do not suggest the op is nut's just wanted to say

_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob
It's ok being an extrovert, neurodiverse or neurotypical. Don't worry about what you think people "should" enjoy, or feel ashamed of what entertainment you like. Sometimes what people are doing when they are praising introversion is trying to remove the stigma - sadly that sometimes means talking sh** about extroverts. The group that experiences most vilification from the general public is still introverts.
Unfortunately, I've seldom seen such fine qualifications on the matter. It's uncommon to hear "They are extroverted, but they have Social Anxiety, and they didn't sleep well last night".
_________________
Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).
Likely ADHD instead of what I've been diagnosed with before.
Fair enough. In an ideal world, we'd all be able to agree on fairly simple definitions of such words. Unfortunately, and this is probably more of a cultural thing, the as applied concept of extroversion has become a cultural reference point in and of itself.
If we use the definition presented above ("gain energy from"), then in most cases, people will categorize themselves. It's when we get into the fairly confusing world of social and cultural references that things get....sticky.
_________________
Our first challenge is to create an entire economic infrastructure, from top to bottom, out of whole cloth.
-CEO Nwabudike Morgan, "The Centauri Monopoly"
Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Firaxis Games)
If we use the definition presented above ("gain energy from"), then in most cases, people will categorize themselves. It's when we get into the fairly confusing world of social and cultural references that things get....sticky.
mental illness perhaps? I used to be a loud mouth bore in my major depressive/ anxious days ,not saying that's the case for all of us but I am sure it's many

and no I do not suggest the op is nut's just wanted to say

_________________
Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).
Likely ADHD instead of what I've been diagnosed with before.
At one time or another I am one MLPony or another.
'cept imma guy, and about eight times more macho than they are.
Except Rainbow Dash, I'm only about 20% more macho than her.
I AM NOT a Brony!!
I've never even SEEN MLP:FiM, EVER!
I don't even know what it is!
Honest! I'd never!
Some kind of sissy la la girl stuff, I'm sure.
_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus
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