My sister has Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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Smudge, I don't know what to say other than I have always liked you on WP. I know things are bad and I myself have been to the brink of no longer wanting to live, but I have usually regretted the idea of having died or hurt myself years later when things get better. I have been through some very bad times. I look back and can't imagine going through those things again and don't know how I had the mental stamina to survive. I don't have the mental rigidity nor the black-and-white mentality as much anymore and I believe it was strict adherence to rules and the abundant grace of God that I got through those things. I went through a long period of narcissism myself; it was a reaction to being different and a reaction to being emotionally neglected though not really intentionally emotionally neglected and a reaction to feeling hopeless. I think it is the personality's final attempt at maintaining some semblance of worth or value or control.

I am sorry your sister is treating you this way. She is probably sorry as well even if she can only think it at this point and can't actually feel it or act on the regret or sorrow. It takes years and years to work through it. But you are right and you shouldn't tolerate her behavior towards you. She will continue these behaviors as long as they are tolerated and even though she knows logically they are wrong, the drive to engage in them is too strong and is fulfilling a psychological and mental need that wasn't fulfilled in the normal, natural way. She has to take responsibility for herself in the end. You are right to not enable her both for yourself and for her. These sorts of conditions contribute to codependency and you do need to not develop or further engage in codependency. You are not responsible for her actions, thoughts, and behaviors even though she may be convinced otherwise.

QuiversWhiskers, I believe someone with real NPD feels no sorrow for those they seek to use. My sister does not feel any sorrow. She is very on the surface and everything she lives for is for show, no matter how much it ends up bringing down other people. She is unable to feel sorrow except for herself. She victimizes herself to gain sympathy, and she is driven by a deep anger and hatred.

An example: She spoke about to me, matter-of-fact, which members of the family she wanted to die first. It was so she could inherit the house the soonest. She wanted mum's partner to die first, so he was out of the way. Secondly she wanted my mum to die, because my sister hated her the most (she actually hates me the most, but she is two-faced). Thirdly, nan to die.

If my sister could have me killed, without any consequences for her, she would do it in the blink of an eye. She uses my mother to care for her kids. Otherwise there's photos of her boyfriend and his family in their house, but none of our family. She despises us. If mum didn't help to care for her kids, she would want her dead too. I am completely serious. Yet nobody wants to believe me, even though her actions are very blatant, and her mental illness runs in her family, making other members terrified too of them too. She is the spitting image of her grandad who her dad was terrified of. He ended up in mental hospital. I shouldn't even have to give these f***ing examples because my sister is so blatant. My family is in denial to the point of forcing me into contact with her because after all, she is my sister. She sends me threats to beat me up, but SHE IS MY SISTER.

Everyone tells me, quite flippantly, how my sister cares for me really. I find it very patronizing and I'm sick of it. I don't accuse people generally of being out to get me, nor do I accuse them of wanting me to die. My sister IS mentally ill, and I believe potentially dangerous if anybody gets in her way. She threatens my family all the time. She only hasn't for the last couple of years to impress her boyfriend. Him and her kids are all she cares about, but she's a total b***h to him too. As for her not being threatening to my family recently - my family very willingly interprets this as her growing up or learning. She hasn't learned. She is still who she is, ALWAYS has been, ALWAYS WILL BE. A narcissist who will tread on everybody to get her way.

^ ^ ^ I do appreciate your input though guys, thanks.

My mom's oldest sister is one but probably isn't NPD but she has narcissists personalities and my mom won't even talk to her on the phone. She will only see her if she goes back and visits her family and will be civil with her if she is around. You can probably do what my mom does, don't have any contact with her but be civil if she is around. I don't know if she lives with you or not or how often you see her around.