What Works For You To Deal With Suicidal Thoughts

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Might sound like a sick joke or just trite, but sometimes I'm convinced that my lousy executive functioning is one of the main reasons I'm still alive - that and a hefty dose of gallows humour, apathy and cynicism (a kind of morbid fascination whether things can possibly get worse.)

My experience is very much like what magz said - I just accepted suicidal ideation as being a "normal" part of my thinking since before my teens. It almost became a kind of sick running joke with my last therapist - she would ask whether I had had suicidal thoughts since the last session, which I would often answer honestly with yes. If she got concerned about it, I would just tell her (still totally honestly) that I've had them for as long as I can remember, yet I'm still here. I have been on the brink of acting upon it many times (collecting pills, learning how to tie a noose/calculate the drop height etc.) I honestly couldn't say what stopped me each time, but I am absolutely certain that it was never a fear of death itself.

I would say that "accepting" the thoughts in some way seems to be part of it - a kind of mindfulness maybe, to be able to remind myself that it isn't necessarily "madness" or "irrational" to have those thoughts, and that I've had those impulses so many times before that the odds are very much that they will pass. On the flip side, I think there's often nothing worse than having people try to talk you out of having those thoughts - the kind of almost emotional blackmail and trying to reassure with thoughts of the "better future" that you're "throwing away", generally just tend to deepen the depressive mood in my experience, and I'd much rather be left alone to ride it out.

I'd rather not risk getting banned, I've already been told my posting is too "provocative" and it has caused several members to campaign to at least one moderator to get me banned. I don't want to "provoke" anyone, so it's better I keep my experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts and how I have dealt with that to myself.

I wish I had some helpful advice, but really, all I can do is wait for them to go away, and sooner or later, they do... but then sooner or later, they're back again.

Suicidal thoughts were part of my adolescence too, but I knew I had to get out of that household and out of that small town before I made that commitment. I promised myself that if things hadn't improved by the time I was 30, I could go ahead.

Well, much had changed between 15 and 30. Defer action, and do things to make your life better in the meantime.

As I enter old age, it becomes an open question again. I think what is most likely is that I will simply take worse care of myself and let nature take its course. But I am far from that stage yet.

Saying you have no helpful advice is actually helpful advice if you didn't know , it just shows there is a few of us in a boat that can't find what we need - does that make sense.

I would say that "accepting" the thoughts in some way seems to be part of it - a kind of mindfulness maybe, to be able to remind myself that it isn't necessarily "madness" or "irrational" to have those thoughts, and that I've had those impulses so many times before that the odds are very much that they will pass. On the flip side, I think there's often nothing worse than having people try to talk you out of having those thoughts - the kind of almost emotional blackmail and trying to reassure with thoughts of the "better future" that you're "throwing away", generally just tend to deepen the depressive mood in my experience, and I'd much rather be left alone to ride it out.

I guess I can see how that's helpful for me to say - it shows that people are reading this looking for anything that might help, which might help encourage people to share what's worked for them (I'm not intending to pressure anyone who doesn't feel comfortable doing so for any reason, though, just to be clear).

But I find a relief in contemplating the idea of my own death. Some day the right time will come. This doesn't harm anyone.

...and I was told it was OK to plan it as 99 times out of 100 that's all it is , almost like escapism till I've processed what's bugging me.

That was what I meant. I get why your girlfriend felt that way, I’d feel the same if someone said that to my partner (not that I have one currently).

Do you mean “you” in the general sense or me specifically?