I hate the baby upstairs

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If the police or social workers come round then I'll tell them what I hear. I've even got it on record. Otherwise I don't want to just intervene and accuse them of anything, because I can't know anything for sure and if they are innocent then there's nothing worse than being accused of something by a busybody neighbour. I mean, I don't know if it might just be a miserable sort of baby or even if it may have something wrong (like a physical deformity that is causing pain or discomfort). But because I don't know for sure, and because of my ADHD and misophonia causing me to have anxiety, I am finding it hard to feel sympathy. I don't mean I have anything against the baby personally. I just hate the noise, that's all.

Joe, you probably saw I replied to you. But then deleted it because I read the rules of The Haven. I was giving unsolicited advice so I decided it was better to shut up.

I hope you can get through the situation as well as possible and the baby grows out of the noisy phase quickly.

I live in a city, and the block of flats that we live in are full of people who tend to keep themselves to themselves. And I think there's a father upstairs as well, as it often sounds like there are two adults up there. Maybe they work from home, I don't know, but they are always there and for the whole 6 months they've been living there neither of us have ever seen them go in or out. I don't think they have a car, even though the shops and the park and other places are in walking distance. I think the baby needs some fresh air and sunshine.

I told my boyfriend when they first moved in that we should welcome them, but he said no, and I felt too shy to do it on my own. My boyfriend is the sort to keep himself to himself too and not get too involved with neighbours. Hopefully they won't be there long, as most the residents in these flats seem to come and go. But we seem to be cursed when it comes to upstairs neighbours, because so far everyone that has lived there have been agoraphobic cleaning freaks that never go out and are always in vacuuming and doing other noisy activities day and night. This time we've got a miserable crier of a baby up there. Knowing our luck they probably won't move out, and the kid will start walking soon, and I know how toddlers stamp their feet when they walk. They have hardwood floors, and I think it should be against landlords policy for people in upstairs flats to have hardwood floors in their bedrooms and living-rooms. I know they have hardwood floors because they're always sweeping with a broom in the bedroom and living-room, hitting the skirting-boards and furniture as they do so - two or three times a day.

That sounds loud and annoying, I hope you get quieter neighbours. It's a shame they don't take the baby outside though, very odd to keep it indoors. Vacuuming late at night is pretty selfish too.

I know what you mean about neighbours constantly moving. I felt so alone when I had a little baby, most of the neighbours were renting and didn't want to be friends because they were always moving on, so I never got to know anyone.

What I've done for the last few years is put Christmas cards through neighbours' doors every year. I know most of them by name now, we are actually friends with some of them. My husband is a bit 'keep yourself to yourself' too but I ignored him and sent Christmas cards anyway

It's a pity people are so unfriendly these days. 20 years ago we lived in London in a small block of 16 flats, we were friends with all our neighbours, we had garden parties with them. People have changed since then

Thanks for understanding, KitLily. (You needn't deleted your other post). It's nice when people empathise with me from my point of view rather than justify the other party's point of view, even if it's somewhat true, when you're venting you don't really want to hear everyone being on their side as if to say "you can't do anything so just deal with it". I hate that.

Not referring to you by the way, just saying what some people might say on internet forums when you have a problem. It's why I think having autism sucks, because things that cannot be helped make you anxious and then you sound selfish or ignorant of other people.

I know I have misophonia. Not with people chewing, mind you. Just with certain neighbour noise and babies crying. I do use earplugs but you can't wear earplugs 24/7, because it makes it difficult to communicate to other people and even your pets. Sometimes I want quality time with my pets, and I feel I can't bond properly when I have earplugs in. Even white noise doesn't muffle the sound of them upstairs. They stomp around like elephants and are always moving things across the floor.

Thanks, I'm often far too bossy and I was seeing it from my point of view of being a lonely new mother. But it doesn't sound like that is the situation of your neighbours.

I hate that too, when a so-called friend immediately leaps to the defence of someone who is against me or someone they don't even know. I think that's the test of a friend tbh. I have 2 friends, one often leaps to the defence of someone who is against me, the other one never does.

What is misophonia? I can't stand too much noise, even music. I have to have total quiet most of the time and the TV pretty low. My husband likes loud action movies but I've got him to watch them quietly or with the sound very low.

People chewing doesn't bother me (in fact I don't even hear it) but I do get bothered by people with an irritating cough or those that do about 20 sneezes. My boyfriend is a smoker and has a loud, persistent cough, and I sometimes have to put my hands over my ears because it's too annoying.
With me it's the sound of babies crying. I can't stand it. When I was about 14 I remember I was in a restaurant and there was a crying baby at the table next to us, and I got so angry that I wanted to scream "take it out!! !! !" but I had to resist it, the amount of energy it took to resist it was so strong that I had to pull my hair instead, which hurt. And when people say "it's just a baby, it can't help it" that is just the most unhelpful thing in the world to say. The baby can't help crying no less than I can help having misophonia. But I'd rather be the baby than me.
Luckily I have more control now, but it's bad enough having to mask in public when around crying babies. Now I have to put up with it all day at home too.

It's interesting how different noises affect different people. I can't stand sudden noises; chopping up food; loud TV shows that go on too long; most music; lots of people talking or shouting.

The only reason I don't mind babies crying is I had one myself and spent so much time in baby groups etc. with babies crying and children shouting that I don't hear it anymore We had parties for our daughter in a children's play centre, you can imagine how noisy those were

Poor baby. A baby who is being cared for properly doesn't cry all day.

It seems to cry more at weekends than during the week, but I know it's there during the week because I hear it a little. Which I can ignore. But as soon as Saturday and Sunday comes it cries non-stop all afternoon. Babies don't have set days where they cry more than other days, unless their environment changes on those particular days.

Funnily enough I don't have misophonia with every noise. Like at work when I'm cleaning a coach and it keeps beeping because of the lights being on with no engine running, the engineers say that beeping sound drives them mad, but I don't mind it. Well, it's a little bit annoying but I seem to get used to it and can filter it out. I suppose it's because it's regular and I know what it is.
With the upstairs neighbours banging and thumping about and their baby screaming, it's all unpredictable noise that's too distracting and makes me unsettled. Noise at work is more bearable. At home I wish to be able to relax.