Autistic people unknowingly committing crimes

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League_Girl
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11 Sep 2022, 6:58 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I used to do my Austin Powers impressions when I was in my 20s, asking people if I made them horny. I'm surprised that I wasn't arrested.



Probably because you were living as a female then. People are not threatened with women as they are with men.


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11 Sep 2022, 7:25 pm

One important thing worth noting: Men on the spectrum might come on too strong (and make some blunders) during the courtship process. But once we're in a relationship, we're less likely to abuse our partner.

When you hear of a man abusing his partner, ever noticed it's a neurotypical guy 100% of the time (or at least close to 100%)?

There shouldn't be such a stigma around dating men on the spectrum (nor should we be viewed as dangerous)



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11 Sep 2022, 9:01 pm

I can't really tell the difference between a lady being nice and a lady flirting with me, so I have to air on the side of a lady being nice to protect myself from missreading situations, which is why I am single.
I also do not get hints, so many times I have later been told "Why didn't you ask the lady out?" and I would be like "What lady?" and I would be told "The one who was flirting with you!" and I would reply "What lady was this?" and be told "She could not have made it more obvious if she tried!" (Where by the time I would be told that it would be too late).

The few times that I have tried to ask ladies out have ended up as disaster so I gave up trying many years ago, as the few times I did try were usually met with very hurtful comments, so I just gave up and thought "If a lady wants me she will have to grab me by the hand and not let me go!"

Other issues I have are that I get faceblindness at times, and I am not going abroad, as I could not face the airport experience or the flying. Never been on a plane but the thought of it is far too stressful, so that narrows my choice somewhat.

But in regards to commiting crimes unknowingly. Not sure but I don't think I would be in this situation, but have been in situations in the past which could have ended up worse! (Due to faceblindness, once when I was due to meet a lady I know from this site to show her the area as a kind of tour guide and I opened the car door to be polite thinking the lady was her, and it turned out to be a complete stranger who was puzzling why I wanted her to get into my car! I could see this other ladies husband also puzzling and walking towards me from the beach!
Was very embarissing indeed on my behalf, and when the right lady turned up I was immensly relieved!)



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12 Sep 2022, 5:19 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
I can't really tell the difference between a lady being nice and a lady flirting with me, so I have to air on the side of a lady being nice to protect myself from missreading situations, which is why I am single.
I also do not get hints, so many times I have later been told "Why didn't you ask the lady out?" and I would be like "What lady?" and I would be told "The one who was flirting with you!" and I would reply "What lady was this?" and be told "She could not have made it more obvious if she tried!" (Where by the time I would be told that it would be too late).

The few times that I have tried to ask ladies out have ended up as disaster so I gave up trying many years ago, as the few times I did try were usually met with very hurtful comments, so I just gave up and thought "If a lady wants me she will have to grab me by the hand and not let me go!"

Other issues I have are that I get faceblindness at times, and I am not going abroad, as I could not face the airport experience or the flying. Never been on a plane but the thought of it is far too stressful, so that narrows my choice somewhat.

But in regards to commiting crimes unknowingly. Not sure but I don't think I would be in this situation, but have been in situations in the past which could have ended up worse! (Due to faceblindness, once when I was due to meet a lady I know from this site to show her the area as a kind of tour guide and I opened the car door to be polite thinking the lady was her, and it turned out to be a complete stranger who was puzzling why I wanted her to get into my car! I could see this other ladies husband also puzzling and walking towards me from the beach!
Was very embarissing indeed on my behalf, and when the right lady turned up I was immensly relieved!)


Ah f**k this disease man, I've had a few of those things happen, except the face blindness.
Whenever I have gotten into a relationship its never been from asking anyone out, it seems like that's actually the worst thing to do.



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12 Sep 2022, 5:47 am

Most of these problems could be avoided if people quit “chasing” the opposite sex. If interest isn’t immediately expressed by the other person, one should quit trying to pursue them. People don’t usually “play hard to get.”

If they are actually interested, they will reach out.

People are understandably uncomfortable when individuals are overly persistent.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2022, 5:59 am

Up until about the 90s, movies portraying guys appealing to a particular women through his persistence were common.

I, myself, have never had a woman overtly “show interest” in me. I’ve always had to overtly express interest in a woman in reaction to subtle signs of interest on her part. I’ve never minded this. I’ve always thought this sort of thing was “natural.”

It’s societal conditioning. In other cultures than our own, women can possibly show overt interest more.

Even so, a guy shouldn’t be persistent when his “interest” is obviously not reciprocated. Always assume “no” means “no.” This isn’t the 1940s. Men often get into big trouble when they feel a “no” is actually a demure “yes.” This often ends up disastrously for both the man and the woman, possibly even more so for the woman.



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12 Sep 2022, 6:20 am

I’ve never reported this sort of behavior, but it has made me uncomfortable. If I was initially not interested, I’ll be even less interested if I’m being hounded.

If I’m into someone, they would know it.

It can be hard to read signals sometimes. It would be a better idea to directly ask someone out than to stalk them. Normally, you should know a person fairly well before asking them out. Cultivating friendships is a good idea.

If they say “no,” then it’s a no. There’s no need to “chase” them.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2022, 7:40 am

Absolutely....it doesn't lessen one's "manhood" to be rejected. I've been rejected dozens of times. That doesn't make me less of a "man."

Overall, in real life, it's not good for a man to "chase" a woman, despite what the old movies imply.



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12 Sep 2022, 9:05 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
I can't really tell the difference between a lady being nice and a lady flirting with me, so I have to air on the side of a lady being nice to protect myself from missreading situations, which is why I am single.
I also do not get hints, so many times I have later been told "Why didn't you ask the lady out?" and I would be like "What lady?" and I would be told "The one who was flirting with you!" and I would reply "What lady was this?" and be told "She could not have made it more obvious if she tried!" (Where by the time I would be told that it would be too late).

The few times that I have tried to ask ladies out have ended up as disaster so I gave up trying many years ago, as the few times I did try were usually met with very hurtful comments, so I just gave up and thought "If a lady wants me she will have to grab me by the hand and not let me go!"

Other issues I have are that I get faceblindness at times, and I am not going abroad, as I could not face the airport experience or the flying. Never been on a plane but the thought of it is far too stressful, so that narrows my choice somewhat.

But in regards to commiting crimes unknowingly. Not sure but I don't think I would be in this situation, but have been in situations in the past which could have ended up worse! (Due to faceblindness, once when I was due to meet a lady I know from this site to show her the area as a kind of tour guide and I opened the car door to be polite thinking the lady was her, and it turned out to be a complete stranger who was puzzling why I wanted her to get into my car! I could see this other ladies husband also puzzling and walking towards me from the beach!
Was very embarissing indeed on my behalf, and when the right lady turned up I was immensly relieved!)


You mention a good point.

While a lot of guys on the spectrum mistakenly believe a woman is into him, there's a flipside too: Since a lot of us are unable to tell when a woman is flirting, we undoubtedly end up missing a lot of opportunities.



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12 Sep 2022, 9:10 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Most of these problems could be avoided if people quit “chasing” the opposite sex. If interest isn’t immediately expressed by the other person, one should quit trying to pursue them. People don’t usually “play hard to get.”

If they are actually interested, they will reach out.

People are understandably uncomfortable when individuals are overly persistent.


On a subsequent post, I elaborated on the woman I thought might have been playing hard to get during college. We set up a date a few days in the future. Then during the next few days, we had only a small amount of contact.

I thought one of two possibilities could have been true: She could have been playing hard to get. Or she could have simply been busy with school/work. Either way, seeing as she agreed to set up a date with me, I had fair reason to believe she was into me. Call me crazy.



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12 Sep 2022, 9:14 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Up until about the 90s, movies portraying guys appealing to a particular women through his persistence were common.

I, myself, have never had a woman overtly “show interest” in me. I’ve always had to overtly express interest in a woman in reaction to subtle signs of interest on her part. I’ve never minded this. I’ve always thought this sort of thing was “natural.”

It’s societal conditioning. In other cultures than our own, women can possibly show overt interest more.

Even so, a guy shouldn’t be persistent when his “interest” is obviously not reciprocated. Always assume “no” means “no.” This isn’t the 1940s. Men often get into big trouble when they feel a “no” is actually a demure “yes.” This often ends up disastrously for both the man and the woman, possibly even more so for the woman.


A lot of this could be prevented if the pressure wasn't on the guy to always make the first move.

As for interest being not obviously reciprocated, a lot of autistic men are unable to tell if she's interested. You might be able to read subtle clues. But a lot of us are unable to.

Also, while movies are fictional, it doesn't help that movies have encouraged guys to act overly persistent. People, either consciously or subconsciously, are influenced by what we see in movies. That goes for us as well as normies.



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12 Sep 2022, 9:19 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
I’ve never reported this sort of behavior, but it has made me uncomfortable. If I was initially not interested, I’ll be even less interested if I’m being hounded.

If I’m into someone, they would know it.

It can be hard to read signals sometimes. It would be a better idea to directly ask someone out than to stalk them. Normally, you should know a person fairly well before asking them out. Cultivating friendships is a good idea.

If they say “no,” then it’s a no. There’s no need to “chase” them.


Appearing at someone's apartment building unannounced is over the top, I admit. Even I know that. The guy I know who did that is further on the spectrum than me.

As for my story, however, I wouldn't call it "hounding" to reach out to the woman on the day of our scheduled date to see if we're still on.

The problem with internet dating advice is that a lot of it is contradictory. You're saying to cultivate a friendship first (Which makes sense. Plus, you have a right to your opinion). But some dating advice says it's bad to develop a friendship first (because then she'll potentially think you only befriended her to get her into bed)



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12 Sep 2022, 9:24 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Absolutely....it doesn't lessen one's "manhood" to be rejected. I've been rejected dozens of times. That doesn't make me less of a "man."

Overall, in real life, it's not good for a man to "chase" a woman, despite what the old movies imply.


There's a difference between autistic men and "normal" men, however. While both demographics get rejected, the autistic man (even if good-looking) will get rejected the vast majority of the time. It reaches the point where you stop trying.

For a "normal" man, getting a receptive response from a woman is like winning a poker game (You won't always win. But you have a decent shot). For an autistic man, getting a receptive response from a woman is more like winning the lottery (in terms of success rate)



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12 Sep 2022, 10:30 am

Joe90 wrote:
TL;DR
But I do know that finding a date is much harder for autistic men than it is for autistic women. If a man has an obsession with a girl that he can't control, it can make him look creepy. If a woman has an obsession with a man, she can seem annoying or like a pest but it isn't frowned upon so much.


Well let's be honest, men have a "creep factor" about them, that women don't necessarily have to worry about as much. Because men are perceived as being more of a physical threat, and sexual offenses are mostly committed by men, guys are much more likely to be perceived as creepy compared to women.

So that means as a grown man, you have to be more careful.



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12 Sep 2022, 10:44 am

Anyways, I do have a story


- Back during my freshman year of college, there was a girl who would smile at me every time we passed. So I started to write down the time and location of every time we passed each other, because I wanted to find a pattern of when we saw each other. My goal was to strike up a conversation with her and try to get her number next time we passed each other. I told my therapist my plan to talk to this girl, and how I was writing down the time and location of when we saw each other. She was a middle aged woman who worked at the college I went to. Anyways the next time we met for a therapy session, the school's principal was there with a stern look on her face. It turns out that my therapist had reported my plan to the school, and I basically almost got kicked out of the school and arrested.



kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2022, 10:47 am

I'm on the Spectrum. I've been both rejected and accepted. I'm not Aspergian. I'm more like a "classic autistic," in that I had a severe speech delay, and exhibited other overt symptoms of autism.

How did all the autistic people on this Site who got married---get married----if rejection is inevitable?