I feel sick!

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I think you should move, I know your mother is ill but she seems to care more about him when clearly your heart bleeds for her,... does she even understand your pain? What the f**k?! seriously... love is one thing but ignoring your child and seeing the hurt and pain caused.

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to me it is very sick, and I must say you're a f*****g warrior for putting up with it.

my mom loves him but she really does care about me.
She is a good person but is with a bad man.
She tries to protect me when she can.
But she is blinded by her love for him.

This is quite common with domestic abuse.

knowing is half the battle, stay frosty.

don't beat yourself up about to much.

I just wanted to clarify, I don't live at my parents house. I need them to drive me places though cause I don't drive and am afraid to ask people for rides.

Hang in there, I would go with what you said earlier, and ask your therapist.

Most importantly hang in there, from what I have read you are taking alot of hits for your family, and any one who can do that can do anything, I know that its hard to ask for help and continue to get the same answers, but for right now you just got stay strong!

If it means something to you for everyday the community see's you continue on and continue on posting, its almost like a beackon of hope

thanks it means a lot that you think that.

My sister came down from up north. She is gone take care of my mom for a while and I'm gonna try and rest . When she leave then I'm gonna go back and continue taking care of my mom.

Ive been having flash back's again and I think I'm coming close to remembering something i repressed from my past.

My dad keeps calling me on my phone but I don't answer I just want to be as far away from him as I can.

I hope someday he goes to jail then I wont be so scared anymore.
The past 2 nights Ive been feeling terrified of something and I know its related to my flash backs.

The last time this memory tried to surface it made me go insane. I had a psychotic episode and lost touch with reality. So I want to be away from my dad for as long as I can so that does not happen again.

I keep wondering what happened that I don't remember ? It must have been dam scary.
Ive been through a lot and there is not much I haven seen.

Ive watched my dad whipping my sister with a large flexible stick chasing her with it and whipping her hard. Ive seen my dad beat my old dog with a big piece of wood over the head, Ive seen my dad shoot a gun at my sisters boy friend. Ive been beaten a lot by him. been at gun point myself. I think Ive been knocked out once or twice.

So what ever it was must have been bad. It was bad enough to push me over the edge so it was really bad. I lived in terror my whole life and that didn't drove me crazy so what happened that did?

I keep thinking ,what if he killed someone , what if this , what if that. I don't know what it was but I'm a bit scared to find out.

and when I do remember what do I do about it?


All i know is I have an overwhelming feeling to get as far away from my dad as I can.

I don't know how to do that.


Is there anyway to immigrate to England if I'm on American disability and cannot work?
If you have any info pm me .

Well I'm glad to here that ur going to get a brake, you not only need one, but well deserve it! As for your childhood, I have no clue how u managed to stay sane, I mean beatings, and having to look down the barrel of a weapon, none the less one held by ur father, I don't know if I could have come this far dealing with all of that. However I don't know any information on immagration, and disablity issues, I do apologize, but why not move to the opposite coast from where you live, to get further away from ur father?

Good luck, and Gods Speed!

My boyfriend lives in England and I really want to be with him.

Ah, ok, well in that case i would try to start looking around for information on passports, immigration laws, ect... I've never had a GF, or anyone who loves me other than my parents (and they are drifting away), but i have been told that in difficult times you can always count on love to help you. Well, thats what i've been told either way, but i wish you and your family good luck.