I feel really insecure about my diagnoses sometimes

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I'll sometimes just get very insecure. It's like a feeling of shame. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I don't want to. It just washes over me sometimes. Sometimes I get it just from looking at photos of a waiting room or anything that reminds me of my experiences. I've been in a lot of waiting rooms. It always made me feel like I was a problem. People always just want to focus on whats wrong. I don't like that..im a person with my own personality..

Yet I'm just being told things are wrong about me a lot. I can't hold a pencil correctly, I can't do this or that. It always makes me feel a bit upset. People treat me like I'm damaged. I don't feel that way until people act like it..I don't like Drs appointments, I didn't like school, I don't like any medical setting, I don't like groups where I feel noticeably different. Im supposed to have a psychiatric evaluation and I'm dreading it. I just wish I could have more of a focus on what I'm doing well or who I am as an individual.

I feel the same way too. I was only a child when I was diagnosed, unlike most other people on the spectrum. I had quite a traumatic past with getting diagnosed and all that, which has kinda brought on feelings of shame and embarrassment about my diagnosis, but I've been condemned on an autism site before for saying this, although I don't think there's anything wrong with saying how I feel. Feeling embarrassed about one's condition isn't a judgement against everybody else with the same condition. It's just how the individual might feel personally. I like and respect others on the spectrum and I have some good friends on the spectrum whom I am not ashamed of, and I wouldn't be here on an autism forum if I didn't want to be associated with autistic people. But I still feel embarrassed about being on the spectrum myself, maybe from the embarrassing things I had done in the past, the bullying I faced, the way my diagnosis was told to everybody when I was a child against my will and I was treated differently because of it, just things like that just makes me feel insecure about it all now, and the last thing I need is for people online to demonise and criticise me for feeling this way without being sympathetic about my past and the reasons why I feel this way. It just makes me sink even further into self-loathing, but those people online who condemned me were just selfish a**holes who thinks everybody should think the same and be the same and walk on eggshells about talking about our feelings.