scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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nooooooooooooooo

It sucks being status conscious, doesn't it?

Status-conscious I can cope with. That doesn't even register. I know my ego is huge.

But for some reason, 'stupid' hurt.

But you said what he said affected you because he was popular? I'm sure popularity is one major characteristic of social status.

But, I can understand that being called 'stupid' would hurt more when it comes from someone whom you regard as intelligent. And, from someone you obviously are crushing on.

I was bothered that people would let him get away with being rude because he's popular. Popularity gets people excused for a lot of things.

I don't fancy him but quite a few women round here, I suspect, do. It upsets me more when someone who people generally like has a bad opinion of me because then I take their opinions as more valid than my own.

For instance, people generally like Jesus. If Jesus told me I was stupid I'd be pretty close to killing myself.

Last edited by puddingmouse on 25 Oct 2011, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

double post

I could understand that popularity implies "validity" dynamic, but I think that consensus, especially when it's a 'socially influenced' consensus, rarely has any validity beyond what one might hold it to be.

I know, I know.

It's not rational but I doubt myself so much that I can't help but defer to people who are more popular.

haha

-5 I feel sick, high fever I"m going to try to sleep it off though.

+9.9

The only thing keeping me from +10 is the fear that yet another obstacle will crop up that I won't be able to work around this time...

-7

Today, the maintenence guy himself came over, and put new fire alarms in both our bed rooms without a warning. I wasn't expecting him. One was broken, but I really don't like him. Well, I did a laundry load last night and it didn't dry. The load was as wet as I first put them in, so since he happened to be there, I took one item and showed it to him. I was starting to shake, because I am so aggrivated about getting the "dumb b***h" label on me no matter the outcome for almost any issue I need help with. All he did was turn it on, and make it run the same cycle. Then he said "I'll run this cycle and come check it later."

After the alarm went off, I put my hands inside, and... thanks alot you c**t of a machine.... dry laundry! Of course. Of course. This just feels so humiliating! All I wanted was to not run it 5+ times before it's dry! I called my mother, and told her about it, and she didn't hear a word I said, that I had to repeat myself five times, even way slower than normal, because when I'm upset I sound like Charlie browns f*****g teacher or something, and type badly. "Gurble gurble gurble rawr rawr gurble." I want another voice so bad. YES I would risk my life for it! 100% sick of it, and everyone hates that sound! When I need to be heard, or am very upset or disturbed,... .every dam time... "I can't unerstand you."
"I can't hear you."
"Talk clearer." or other forms of advice! I used my bowl of marbles over there! I took theater classes for 7 years! I sang in a concert chior, and nobody hears me when I discribe something in detail! *squeezes fist and cries* I've been chewed out for sounding like a b***h by relative and stranger alike, and had talked to them while feeling content or happy, and not condecending. I answer the phone and they call me a b***h or an idiot. No wander I like fast food places. They hear and understand me, when everyone else is like "uh what? you don't sound proper enough for me". It's like pounding and screaming into a brick wall, and being told to pound and scream into it! This laundry thing just sturred up my can o' worms beautifuly. My voice right up there with "it doesn't matter what you do, you'll still look like a moron." nonsence in my head.

-8.

I hate my life and know I would be better off dead. I can't believe how pointless my life turned out... then again, I also can. I never felt as if I belonged in this world. Not even as a small child.

I don't have faith in that things are going to change, anymore. Everything points to that it won't.

The only reason I'm not a -9 is that I'm waiting for a new lens for my camera. Maybe I'll get a few nice photos, with the aid of it.

-8 I'm feeling pretty empty..

Last edited by Sextaesada on 26 Oct 2011, 2:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

If Jesus told me I was stupid, I'd tell him to go to hell. (Or, wait, that would be a stupid thing to say, huh?)

Well honestly I feel like I should off myself, even better if I had done it yesterday.......but no, I've got people who care about me(that may be true) and every reason to live(well maybe not.) so I guess i gotta try to keep getting up in the morning and going to class even though I'm going to freaking fail.