scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+0.2
Lots of work on, will be a testing week but I've little else to do away from it all
I can't help feeling like I'm missing out though, then again I've little energy to be able to do much away from the house.

-6.5

Felt like s**t, took more nyquil, lots of tylenol, went to painting tonight but couldn't concentrate, paint or even sketch. Tried painting last night too with my cousin (she's leaving tomorrow), nothing. I hate being sick because I rarely get sick but when I do it stays with me for awhile. Its just so sh***y, don't feel creative, can't think carry a thought for more than 10 seconds, can't stop coughing, can't go jog..sucks sucks.

going to go try sleeping, i like my cousin but im kind of glad she's leaving because stuff can return to normal. she's only stayed two days but dad never leaves his room and i feel like s**t if i lay around while she's about yet i feel like s**t doing stuff period and if im not around offering entertaining my dad complains. he's really been sh***y lately.

-9 took 20 mellotonin nothing

0, hmmm to take 2 200 mg caffine pills and stay up cleaning and or organizing my disastrous room tonight since all my dreams are creepy and only leave me waking up feeling all confused and freaked out....or don't take them and attempt to get some rest from the sleep in between those dreams. I can't decide which torture I prefer be tormented by sleep deprivation or disturbing dreams.

0. I re-engineered part of the air conditioning system on my car today and was able to improve it's efficiency. I am hoping that now it will work well enough to function while the car is idling at a stop light in 90+ degree weather. However, I am getting depressed because of something I am obsessing over that I can't and shouldn't have and logically would never pursue. Even if I could have it, I would not take it but I just don't get why it continues to bother me so.

-10

-3.4
Spent a good portion of last night randomly waking up and gagging up nasty stuff and coughing. Had weird non-sensical dream about running a race starting on train tracks that went over the ocean all the way to a pool then woke up feeling very depressed. Wasn't coughing nearly much, sneezed some, hacked more green stuff up but not as much.

I hope I'm really getting better and this is the last legs of my flu. That relapse yesterday after I THOUGHT I was getting better sucked a whole lot.

I also wish my cousin's ride would call already and pick her up. I really want stuff to return to normal and want to go to the grocery store with mom and talk about a lot of stuff. I'm also kind of irritated because I took my cousin to painting last night in my mom's place and all she did was sketch and stuff, which was fine, but she wasted a piece of my water color paper just to sketch out her name fancily instead of just using the drawing pad I lent her.


I think I'm having slight jealousy issues because my cousin is eccentric but the strong, independant type (not aspie or ASD) and my mom and her spend a long time talking but ever since she's been here we haven't said a word to each other even when I try to initiate conversation. She's been very apathetic about me being sick as well and my cousin helped me more by giving me some of her tyloniel PM and a bag of cough drops. I can't talk to Mom away from my cousin because my Dad always locks the door to the bedroom and won't let me in.

Its 12:33 pm already and I'm getting the feeling she's going to stay an extra day, which would suck. My next doctor's appointment is on the 12th too and I'm nearly out of meds.

-2
Being very tired and having my brother's children over at our house does drain energy.

-5

stressed and worried about money and where Im going in life. Feels like everythings going against me recently.

0, although it has been dipping into -4 or -5 lately due to loneliness. The thing that bothers me is it seems nothing really makes me happy anymore unless it's drinking. Outside of a vacation I took a couple of months back, I haven't really been above 0 since. I could probably use a gf to be honest.

-10... is how I feel.
In an arrogant and unhappy mood, nobody here has caused it. It's one of my own doing.

-10 lost

All these -10's! I hope you guys have the suicide hotline on speed dial (I'm not joking!)

I'm on the edge of zero... maybe -2 since I'm so tired and lethargic from the stress and bone-crushing loneliness... but not super-depressed.

- 1 Due to stress not depression.

-10...well before I mostly felt alienated by society and those relatives I never really developed much connection with. Now I feel totally alienated from everyone even those closest to me...and I can't say I really give a damn about myself anymore I mean I fail at life, born freaking loser. I just wish there was a way to make those close stop caring...because I will probably only bring them pain, since I will probably only screw up my already screwed up life even more.

And that is how I feel right now.