scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?
StampySquiddyFan
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I feel so bad for you. I get the numb feeling as well. It's like you would almost rather be sad than not feel anything. Depression can suck, I am so sorry. I am hoping and praying you are able to make it out of your depression again, like yesterday. It can be really hard sometimes, I understand. Just know that we're all always here if you need help. You can overcome depression. Whenever my OCD gets me down, I just try and look forward to a time when I won't be so sad anymore, even if it is just something little. It will get better, I promise. Virtual hugs

Thank you. I've been struggling with depression on and off for over a decade. Yep, I can't quite decide which is worse - feeling nothing at all, or feeling negative emotions. Tomorrow will probably be a major factor. I don't really want to say more right now for fear of jinxing it, but there's a possibility of something good happening. At this point, I know my depression will go away, if only for a while, but it's still sometimes hard to see that when it's really hitting me hard. Yeah, it sucks dingo's kidneys, but I suppose sooner or later, it will get better again. When I'm really feeling bad, it sometimes helps me to think that maybe because I'm suffering, that might somehow mean that someone else doesn't have to.
That's a great attitude to have

_________________
Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
dragonsanddemons
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Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
I'm sorry to hear the bad news. It is his loss. The first time I was really attracted to someone (fell madly in love with) turned into unrequited love and it was a terrible experience. I didn't know how to go about expressing my feelings towards her so I ended up sitting by and watching a friend of mine eventually marry her. In the end it was for the better because they are happily married to this day. Perhaps you can bring it up during your appointment tomorrow and discuss your feelings about what you're going through. There are plenty of people in this world you will end up meeting so don't lose hope.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this also happened because I didn't know how to express my feelings. At the beginning he was very interested in that sort of relationship, but it was too early for me to be comfortable with it, and then when I developed such feelings, I was waiting for the "right" time to say something about it, and, well, I guess I waited too long. I actually generally have very little interest in having any sort of romantic relationship, so hopefully I'll go back to my previous attitude - being perfectly happy on my own, but willing to accept a relationship if the right person came along. I was just starting to think he might be the right person. I wasn't really planning on mentioning it tomorrow because I'm hoping I'll get over it quickly enough, but if it's still a major problem by the time I have my next appointment, I will.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
dragonsanddemons
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That's a great attitude to have

Thank you, but I only seem that way now. When I'm in the deepest, darkest depths of depression, I still have a hard time remembering those things. I seem to be successfully distracting myself with the things I have going on tomorrow, and the past few days it seems like the depression has let up a bit. Depression tells us lies, and sometimes they're pretty convincing. But sometimes people will say things like "Oh, (insert malady), go bother someone else instead of me," and that kind of thing makes me think "Wait, maybe if I'm going through this, that means someone else doesn't have to."
Edit: Oops, messed up the quotes somehow

_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
StampySquiddyFan
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,754
Location: Stampy's Lovely World
That's a great attitude to have

Thank you, but I only seem that way now. When I'm in the deepest, darkest depths of depression, I still have a hard time remembering those things. I seem to be successfully distracting myself with the things I have going on tomorrow, and the past few days it seems like the depression has let up a bit. Depression tells us lies, and sometimes they're pretty convincing. But sometimes people will say things like "Oh, (insert malady), go bother someone else instead of me," and that kind of thing makes me think "Wait, maybe if I'm going through this, that means someone else doesn't have to."
Edit: Oops, messed up the quotes somehow

I know

I've enjoyed talking with you, and I think the quotes are fine now.
_________________
Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
-7
Loneliness is a terrible feeling... I just sit around the house and do nothing. People tell me to get out of my comfort zone but I can't! Extreme anxiety comes when I attempt to go places.
Making friends is tough because I really don't know how. So I sit around the house because everytime I try, I fail. I can't push myself like other people can and it makes me feel stuck.
_________________
Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
StampySquiddyFan
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,754
Location: Stampy's Lovely World
Loneliness is a terrible feeling... I just sit around the house and do nothing. People tell me to get out of my comfort zone but I can't! Extreme anxiety comes when I attempt to go places.
Making friends is tough because I really don't know how. So I sit around the house because everytime I try, I fail. I can't push myself like other people can and it makes me feel stuck.

I have this problem too

_________________
Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
dragonsanddemons
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Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
+1. My therapy appointment today didn't happen due to a scheduling error. I now have an appointment for a week from today instead. The potential good thing was a job I had to apply for in person. I was kind of expecting to be interviewed, but all I had to do today was fill out a form and answer a few basic information questions. I realized afterward that I misinterpreted one of the questions (thought it meant how many days of work I'd missed without giving warning, it meant total). But I'm slightly hopeful that I'll at least hear back from them. I'm nervous about having to answer the phone, though, I don't do phone conversations well.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
4... possibly increasing though my moods have been quicksilver of late. Worried about re-starting my studies, whether or not my student loan form will get lost in the post/spontaneously combust or that my assigned tutor will be incompetent/a jerk.
On the bright side, I transitioned from vegetarian to vegan again, though haven't got the hang of shopping based upon my (pending ok-ish!) knowledge of ingredients and processed foods, so the past few days have been tough. I've been deliberating over making this change since quitting smoking.
_________________
On hiatus thanks to someone in real life breaching my privacy here, without my permission! May be back one day. +tips hat+
-3
there is no end to thine oversee.
bees and sleaze, the decade will be realized and dunkirk recedes as i believed i had already been living it.
i pray that nippondenso will not let me down.
i refuse to fall victim to primitive electronics.
_________________
הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים
הכי, הכי עמוקים
לא לשמוע כלום
לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.
StampySquiddyFan
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,754
Location: Stampy's Lovely World
I started a new job 4 days ago, I think it might be a self preservation reaction , this shutting down completely.
It sounds like depersonalization, which is basically just the brain's way of trying to cope with stress. You have great insight, by the way, so it is nothing to worry about. It will go away when the stress dies down a little

_________________
Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
dragonsanddemons
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Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
0. Back to nothing.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
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