I wish I was more outspoken

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Sensitivity isn't innately bad, I prefer sensitive people but it can come with drawbacks like being more cautious socially, and therefore perhaps being perceived as aloof. You're autistic relative seems like an open book and people like that.

You do have social skills, you're a good listener, easy to be around people, and are empathetic.

I can be like that for a bit but I crash pretty quickly. I feel safest and most comfortable on my own, with all that entails.

Seems like you thrive with people more like yourself.

Well I learnt that if I'm too open I just get told to stop moaning or to be quiet. So I've learnt to back away a little and be neutral.

I wish I used "outgoing" in the title. I thought "outspoken" meant the same thing. Maybe the word "out" got me confused.

Is that most people or the minority? Because that's pretty rude of them!

Well, most people I have come across in my life.

I remember when I was in college I was trying to be outgoing in class. I didn't whine once, I was in a happy mood and I don't lack the social skill of using the wrong tone of voice or monotone. Then I said "why is my bag so heavy today?" and looked in my bag and saw I had a couple of cans of lemonade that I forgot was in there, so I pulled them out and laughed as I said "oh, it's these!" Then some girl (who was talking to her friends) suddenly said across the room, "Joe90, do you ever stop moaning?" - in a snarky way (she wasn't joking). That really ruffled my feathers and I didn't speak for the rest of the day.

And that ain't the only time I was told to stop moaning when I wasn't. I hate people. I want to act just like them, then when I do I get told to shut up (same thing as "stop moaning", in my book).

She was probably insecure and showing off to her friends, happens a lot in school/ college.

Yes but I wish she'd said something else instead. "Stop moaning" has been said to me so many times in my life that it's become an insult to me when said directly at me when all I'm trying to do is be outgoing and expressive.

!	magz wrote:
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Are you ready for your trip?

I don't think anyone posted anything wrong in this thread?

Well I've come over ill now, typical just before going on vacation.

If I compared myself to my brother all the time, I would be an absolute wreck....

I suppose I compare myself to my peers because I'm insecure about myself. I just feel trapped by this brain I'm cursed with, the way it's wired, even if I don't feel autistic I still ain't normal.

I just get upset watching people with different social barriers still having more friends than me. My cousin displayed more autistic behaviours than me when she was a toddler, like she was often in her own world, didn't seem that interested in other children, didn't seem to know how to participate in party games, had speech delays, had language and communication difficulties, etc. And it wasn't her parents, because both her sisters didn't/don't display any autism traits at all.
She is shy and lacks confidence but can be outgoing when around people she's comfortable with. She wouldn't just go up to people at a party and start chatting. She just shouts out things, talks to no-one in particular and literally giggles at everything.

But it still had to be ME who came worse off socially, was a burden, was difficult, etc.

I remember when me and my cousin were about 12-13 I wanted my cousin to play a game with me that we played every Wednesday and I always looked forward to, but she had a few friends from her class hanging around near her house wanting her to hang out with them. I got upset because I was disappointed that we couldn't play my favourite game, and when I told my mum she just said that my cousin was getting older and wanted to do normal teenage girl things and that I had no right to demand her to play games. She was absolutely right, and I did understand, but I couldn't handle the fact that my cousin (and myself) were growing up.
I just wished my cousin was an outcast like me; had no friends and wasn't too interested in teenage stuff and just shared the same social isolation and immaturity that I did.
I feel so ashamed and embarrassed, I wish I just hung out with my cousin and her friends too and at least forced myself to be like them.