scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 5:02 pm

-8


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AnneOleson
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21 Mar 2020, 7:30 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
-8

Hugs :star:



Butterfly88
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21 Mar 2020, 7:54 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
-8

Hugs from me too.

I'm a 4.



IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 7:56 pm

Thanks. I had an epic meltdown and now I'm a 3.

It's amazing what a bit of rage can accomplish.

Hugs back!


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auntblabby
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21 Mar 2020, 7:59 pm

2.74 and a third.



AnneOleson
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21 Mar 2020, 8:05 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Thanks. I had an epic meltdown and now I'm a 3.

It's amazing what a bit of rage can accomplish.

Hugs back!

I just read about your plate flinging. It certainly feels good at times. Sad part is having to clean up after.



IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 8:16 pm

AnneOleson wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Thanks. I had an epic meltdown and now I'm a 3.

It's amazing what a bit of rage can accomplish.

Hugs back!

I just read about your plate flinging. It certainly feels good at times. Sad part is having to clean up after.


.... and feeling like a moron after.
I knew a meltdown was coming so I should have preempted with something less messy.

Sigh.

I honestly think the worst of my angst was from the bloody music on the phones when I was on hold.

Can't they use waves or nature sounds? It was like porn music, for hours upon hours.

I tried to order TTY because I knew I can't deal with phones, but that was another trigger because they left me on hold with jazz music for several hours, and then wouldn't fulfil the order.


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dragonsanddemons
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21 Mar 2020, 8:19 pm

Big hugs from me, too, IsabellaLinton. I think you can be forgiven for breaking a plate with all the crap you've had to go through recently.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


auntblabby
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21 Mar 2020, 8:23 pm

in seattle, a very cagey and people-smart entrepreneur [really, is there any other kind? ;) ] started a business where people go into a room with a sledge hammer and smash the bejeezus outta stuff - dishes, furniture, computers, you name it. they pay the guy to work out their stress on/at the terminal expense of these poor unfortunate inanimate objects :( i think i'd rather have a voodoo doll :twisted:



IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 8:23 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Big hugs from me, too, IsabellaLinton. I think you can be forgiven for breaking a plate with all the crap you've had to go through recently.


Hugs back. Thanks. It's just unending BS lately in my life. Day after day after day from two sewage floods to my house being demolished inside, no water, no heat, no power, no laundry, the excavation outside, the transmission dying for almost two weeks, the cancelled trip, the battery dying today and needing replaced rather than jumped. There's more that I can't even share. It's just too much sometimes. Even the reno company stopped working so I'm living in a shambles.

None of this even touches the subject of the virus or quarantine or being worried about people who are very ill.

That's all on top of this.

I hope you're OK and getting better with the Lithium decreases!


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IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 8:29 pm

auntblabby wrote:
in seattle, a very cagey and people-smart entrepreneur [really, is there any other kind? ;) ] started a business where people go into a room with a sledge hammer and smash the bejeezus outta stuff - dishes, furniture, computers, you name it. they pay the guy to work out their stress on/at the terminal expense of these poor unfortunate inanimate objects :( i think i'd rather have a voodoo doll :twisted:


I'll meet you there tomorrow.


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auntblabby
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21 Mar 2020, 8:52 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
in seattle, a very cagey and people-smart entrepreneur [really, is there any other kind? ;) ] started a business where people go into a room with a sledge hammer and smash the bejeezus outta stuff - dishes, furniture, computers, you name it. they pay the guy to work out their stress on/at the terminal expense of these poor unfortunate inanimate objects :( i think i'd rather have a voodoo doll :twisted:


I'll meet you there tomorrow.

wouldn't you rather have a voodoo doll? ;)
(clicky)about the seattle "rage room"



IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 8:57 pm

auntblabby wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
in seattle, a very cagey and people-smart entrepreneur [really, is there any other kind? ;) ] started a business where people go into a room with a sledge hammer and smash the bejeezus outta stuff - dishes, furniture, computers, you name it. they pay the guy to work out their stress on/at the terminal expense of these poor unfortunate inanimate objects :( i think i'd rather have a voodoo doll :twisted:


I'll meet you there tomorrow.

wouldn't you rather have a voodoo doll? ;)
(clicky)about the seattle "rage room"


No, because I'm not upset with people or one person. I experience rage which builds up from emotional triggers.

It's a part of my PTSD. It happens if I feel helpless in a situation because that emotion triggers bad memories.

When it happens I have such profound alexithymia I need to trash something physically, since I can't comprehend, untangle or identify the emotional or intellectual aspects.

A lot of this started because I had a very graphic nightmare that I couldn't get out of my system, and the feelings compounded that sense of helplessness and vulnerability all day long.


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I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles


auntblabby
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21 Mar 2020, 9:03 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
in seattle, a very cagey and people-smart entrepreneur [really, is there any other kind? ;) ] started a business where people go into a room with a sledge hammer and smash the bejeezus outta stuff - dishes, furniture, computers, you name it. they pay the guy to work out their stress on/at the terminal expense of these poor unfortunate inanimate objects :( i think i'd rather have a voodoo doll :twisted:


I'll meet you there tomorrow.

wouldn't you rather have a voodoo doll? ;)
(clicky)about the seattle "rage room"


No, because I'm not upset with people or one person. I experience rage which builds up from emotional triggers. It's a part of my PTSD. It happens if I feel helpless in a situation because that emotion triggers bad memories. When it happens I have such profound alexithymia I need to trash something physically, since I can't comprehend, untangle or identify the emotional or intellectual aspects. A lot of this started because I had a very graphic nightmare that I couldn't get out of my system, and the feelings compounded that sense of helplessness and vulnerability all day long.

i'm sorry :( life is sucky more often than not, no?



IsabellaLinton
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21 Mar 2020, 9:08 pm

auntblabby wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
in seattle, a very cagey and people-smart entrepreneur [really, is there any other kind? ;) ] started a business where people go into a room with a sledge hammer and smash the bejeezus outta stuff - dishes, furniture, computers, you name it. they pay the guy to work out their stress on/at the terminal expense of these poor unfortunate inanimate objects :( i think i'd rather have a voodoo doll :twisted:


I'll meet you there tomorrow.

wouldn't you rather have a voodoo doll? ;)
(clicky)about the seattle "rage room"


No, because I'm not upset with people or one person. I experience rage which builds up from emotional triggers. It's a part of my PTSD. It happens if I feel helpless in a situation because that emotion triggers bad memories. When it happens I have such profound alexithymia I need to trash something physically, since I can't comprehend, untangle or identify the emotional or intellectual aspects. A lot of this started because I had a very graphic nightmare that I couldn't get out of my system, and the feelings compounded that sense of helplessness and vulnerability all day long.

i'm sorry :( life is sucky more often than not, no?


I swear to God, I'm cursed. You have no idea how much shite I've endured and it just doesn't stop.

If there is reincarnation, I must have a been a really horrible person in a past life because this is my just desserts.


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dragonsanddemons
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21 Mar 2020, 9:18 pm

More gentle, warm dragon hugs, IsabellaLinton. I am a lot less shaky and twitchy now that my lithium dose has been reduced. I had a recurrence of my depression last night, so we're waiting to get me completely off of it until we know if that was just a one-off or if it's possibly tied to lowering my lithium.

I'm at a zero right now, perfectly neutral. I seem to have reverted to I-don't-care-one-way-or-another-about-much-of-anything-anymore mode.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"