Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselling Thread

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I turned 40 a month ago, and figured out I'm autistic just a few days ago. I'm also a recovering alcoholic, and a longtime member of AA... interestingly, that's the only other place besides the autistic community (including but not limited to you guys ) that I've ever felt like I was on the same planet as other people.

I know that I was self-medicating when I drank... but for me, it stopped working. Now there is absolutely nothing that a drink won't make worse, and believe me, life has thrown a LOT my way since I got sober. I get that doing away with that anesthetic is brutal - my first few years in recovery were hellish, and I've never found the deep peace that I see in some old-timers in recovery, which is one of many things that now make sense in light of being autistic. I don't want to ever go back to drinking, though... that really was hell on earth at the end. But now that I'm starting to find out *why* I react to things the way I do, I'm cautiously optimistic that I may be able to find better ways of coping with life, the universe, and everything.

I dunno if that will help anyone else, but it helped me to write it, so thanks for reading

AA and Celebrate Recovery can be safe places for baby people.
Make each day count.
10,397

I stopped 3 weeks ago with alcohol. I was functioning with alcohol, but started to be a disfunctioning user. I mainly drink orange juice now, which is fine too. And coffee in the morning.
I'd tried to summon up some advantages and disadvantages:

Big disadvantage:
- alcohol is a great way to relieve or soothen hypersensitivity, especially after a busy day

Advantages:
- don't have to worry if there's enough alcohol at home
- don't have to go for alcohol to the shop frequently
- don't have to be embarressed in front of the lady behind the counter for buying a lot of alcohol
- don't have to be embarressed in front of the lady behind the counter for showing up again after a few days
- don't have to line up for another cashier in the store to avoid always showing up with liqour in front of the same person
- don't have to be annoyed because I want to buy a lot of alcohol at the same time, but do not, because that will increase my embarresment in front of the cashier
- don't have to go to other shops for reason that otherwise I turn up in front of the same people from the same shop all the time
- don't have to drag full bottles to the car
- don't waist time with driving to and from the shop
- save money
- don't have to quarrel with my wife about drinking
- don't have to quarrel with my wife about going to the shop ("are you going there again?")
- don't have to leave work earlier to go to the shop before my wife gets home (when I have been at the shop recently, and could not possibly say I would go again)
- don't have to hide a bottle of alcohol in my suitcase when I come home (for same reason)
- don't have to wake up with the feeling "what did I do last night?"
- don't have to be annoyed by websites or TV programs that warn against alcohol abuse (usually for health reasons or social reasons)
- don't have to clean up empty bottle next day
- don't have to bring back empty bottles to the shop end of the week (and be embarressed again)

If anyone knows more advantages, I'd be glad to know. 3 weeks without alcohol still isn't much

3 weeks with no nightcaps and I feel great!

I struggle. THREE of my bio grandparents were alcoholics. They all died about my age. My brother is. And I know I am... but.... My therapist tried to talk me into AA mtgs but I just can't do those!! ! I hate groups of people. It really is hard to know if I could just not be so terrified of social interaction that I might be able to go to those for support.
Oh well.
As it is, I try to not use. But when the sensory overload kicks in it feels like that is my ONLY option if I want to hold down my job!! ! It becomes so overwhelming inside and the anti anxiety meds are just not enough. So I tend to secretly redbull/vodka it when I can't make it any other way.

Doc says I have a fatty liver... I understand why. But how else am I to survive?????? It is one of those things that just makes me look forward (greatly) to the silence after the input of life stops. No matter what is on the other side or not there it will not be THIS.

Most users start out with a lot of fun and few problems.
Some start noticing the problems become huge and fun and relief is small.
Tolerance that is needing MORE us also a factor.

AA is affective but not for everyone.
Celebrate Recovery is another alternative.

As on who jumps into the future a lot, I have trouble with the one day at a time thing. I get it in theory.
3 weeks is huge.

8 months later and I'm a bit freaked out, I have been on that knife's edge for the past two weeks.
I stopped attending meetings because the BS factor was making me sick - people putting out their image, what they wanted seen, all crafted perfectly and completely disingenuous. And the speeches they gave, there wasn't a real word in any of them. There was also a lot of "fair weather" stuff going on - if you were falling apart, no one wanted to hear it. All they wanted to hear was how AA saved you and now your life is perfect.
I disappeared and hey, not so much as a text message to make sure I wasn't dead. I don't think there was much "fellowship" going on. I suppose I shouldn't be at all surprised that I utterly failed to connect to other people.
But this week I went back to the least hideous of the meetings - which was not a queer meeting and I think that might make a difference. Because I couldn't think of what else to do. I do NOT want to dive back into a bottle, thank you. And I ordered myself an 8 month coin, show of solidarity. This point in time is the hardest for me, between short and long term. Got to keep going forward.
I did think of trying out a secular, CBT type approach group, too, instead of the religiously based.
PS : My motivation for wanting to hit the bottle was just to turn my head off. Just stop it spinning for one damn second. Am not sleeping either, and just feel like my mind is eating me alive. I just wanted to drown it out. Same old story.

Some cities have Rational Recovery. It is cognitive based.

AA and NA are cognitive based plus higher power.

CR is Christian/ Bible based but you do not have to be a believer to attend.
Profanity especially using the Lords name is frowned on.

Some groups seemed to have more reality with long term clean members who honestly share their struggles with life while staying sober /clean.
Recovery in any of the above ain't a Disney Land everything is wonderful.
SHIFT (change)
happens and you can stay clean even when every fiber says go use.
You may find after awhile the class of your problems and how you handle them alters.

I've tried, I've tried, I've tried...but I can't do the sobriety thing. Sorry. People want me to fit into normal society and do normal things like hang out with people and socialize and attend sporting events and go to bars and picnics and parties and funerals and weddings. AIN'T. GONNA. HAPPEN. I'm resigned to extreme loneliness, so f*ck it. I only have to answer to one person, anyway, and that's me.

I have trouble with the
One day at a time concept
Sometimes it's one minute at a time

I don't like to socialize and attend sporting events and go to bars and picnics and parties. I don't like funerals or weddings but I go occasionally. I do like reading.
For someone who doesn't like those things I find I do play in bands, do one person shows and
now about 10,434 and 7 hours 15 minutes and ... seconds.

I can be lonely by myself or in a crowd. Biggest was performing at a stadium event.
I can also be serene with the voices becoming characters.
I still have icy hands before beginning indicating extreme nervousness. I don't medicate those away these days.

I didn't want to change for a long long time. Then I sorta did.

Last night before sleeping I read Inventions of Hugo Cabret and dreamed the book. It was wonderful.

You are the best you.

I'm encountering another awkward aspect of this - people asking me what I do, what my background is, wonder why I have done jack shite with the past five years - and I can't exactly say I spent that whole time out of my mind on a cocktail of prescription medications and alcohol, because if I didn't, I would have been literally screaming in physical pain. There's no telling them I had been chronically ill and it took some crazy surgeries to correct the problem and take away the pain. There's no accounting for the hole in my life that I can't remember, when anyone else my age would have been establishing their career and being productive. There's no telling them that somewhere proceeding the alcoholism and abusing prescription pills that I had a severe autism-related breakdown and hardly spoke for months, sucked into my special interest. There's no telling them that even now, eight months sober and seven months after I was cured of my illness, I have to be very careful with my autism, because I could end up crashing again.
People expect me to be fully functional and I have no answers for them as to why I'm not.

I "quit" drinking for the 37th time or whatever time a week ago and was so confident that this was going to be the final lifelong sobriety.

And now I'm on my 5th beer of the night. Way too hard for me to have this level of self control, I think I just need to be put in a rehab for six months or longer.

I've been drinking almost daily for 10 years now. The longest stretch of sobriety was about six months which I was able to do twice. When I was younger alcohol wasn't a crutch or something to depend on. Now it's like after all these years I feel like I'm drowning or suffocating when I go without booze for a few days.

I've been around recovering prople for almost 30 years.
Many seem to start long term sobriety in their early 30's.

Whether you are into God or not Celebrate Recovery is a good place to start again.

Next time you might have 6 months and 4 days
Then 6 months and 5 days
Then 6 months 5 days and 5 minutes.

I haven't touched drugs since June 26, 2014 so I'm proud of that. And this was after 22 years of abusing that junk. I think the only thing I can attribute my abstinence to is my avoidance of people, places and things. Downtown Seattle is radioactive to me; I "shopped" everywhere - Chinatown, Midtown, Capitol Hill, SODO, Native Park, the Central District, where ever. I'm in the North Seattle area 100% of the time so I guess that's working out so far.

I do have the occasional beer but it's no where near the level it was years ago. I still wake up early and get things done, like writing books, going for walks, listening to music, watching movies, seeing my therapist and psychiatrist, etc. I don't drink every day, either, so I can't complain.