I feel useless.

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I have no license, no car, no job, no boyfriend (what kind of guy wants a useless fatass like me anyway?), no self-confidence, no self-love (or any type of love) my dieting and exercise is torturous with little result, nothing going for me right now. I look around and I see that everyone in my family/circle of friends is doing better than me. I'm only good at being a student, that's it. So when summer rolls around, I have no purpose. That's why I'm worried for when I graduate next spring. I won't be a student anymore. I'll have to get everything resolved myself.

I'm just tired of never being needed by anyone. I'm always feeling like a leech and I hate it. Anti-depressants aren't helping me now, all they do is make me gain weight but I'm afraid that I'll kill myself if I don't take them.

The college years are supposed to be the best years of your life and I'm scared s**tless. What if I'm not successful? What if I'm stuck living at home with my domineering mother for the rest of my life? Even if I move out, she says that she'll go with me so I can never be rid of her. Every time I try talking to her about any of the above, she yells at me for being depressed. What can I do? I just don't know why life is supposedly so fantastic.

Just curious--does your mom tell you that you are useless or say or do things to make you feel that way? Its hard enough to become independent but a parent who plants the seed of failure makes it even harder. Been there.

Hey! I remember that bright-eyed face pictured in one of your other posts.

I remember being on meds that made me gain weight. That is no fun. This may not be an either-or situation. Can you talk to your doctor about trying a different anti-depressant? That might help.

She yells at me whenever I have a meltdown, don't perform up to her standards in academics or social things. For example, I performed in a Medieval theme-d dinner theatre two years ago. I worked on it the entire semester and invited her with my brother and grandmother. Afterwards, I was beaming and happy that everything worked out so well. I went up to hug her and she said, "The food was awful and I'm starving. We'll be stopping at McDonald's on the way home. Thank you for wasting my evening. If your grades dropped, I'm yanking you from this club." Not a single congrats or anything. By the way, I am still in the club today because I maintained my 3.4 GPA. I haven't invited her a performance since. :/

@hutchscott - Possibly. I want to have a doctor's appointment to have my thyroid examined and have my prescription changed but once again, mother won't schedule it. "I don't want to blow money on that." When she purchases jewelry from QVC on a regular basis. Apparently, making herself look good is more important than her own daughter. D:

Yeah I can relate to you on many levels, especially the controlling parent thing. There is no way to get free. But it's important to understand that you always give your best, and no matter how much more others seem to have, you could not have done any better. Sometimes that realisation makes me feel worse, but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't compare yourself to others. One thing to understand is that we are not all the same. Each of us have been dealt different cards, so for all of us to gain exactly the same level of success is impossible. Just knuckle down and keep working hard, and you'll succeed in time, in your own special way.

I know we're not all the same and stuff but I can't help but feel that I'm behind where I should be just because of my home life. I would have been driving already but mom insisted that my brother had to get his first. He didn't get his license until he was 20 and I was already in college and had no time to learn. Mom took me out driving twice and every time I ask for another lesson, she comes up with an excuse as to why we can't go. I swear, she wants me to be dependent on her forever and I can't stand it. I'm envious of my friends who are already living on their own. They achieved a freedom that I may never have.

Can you practice driving with your friends? To be honest, a lot of kids I knew whose parents were useless learned to drive illegally, or by practicing with older friends that had their licenses.

I can but I'm always afraid I'll kill one of them or ruin their car in the process. D:

As a grown up i can say one thing: Don't stress yourself out so much for a a college degree - it isn't worth s**t to an employer anyway. When you go to a university or equivalent vocational education, then you have something they are interested in.

As for your parents, if you can move out and sustain it, do so. If you get an apartment by yourself in your own name, you can have the police come and throw out any "unwanted houseguests" from your place. You have the right to a life of your own.

I waited until i had a stable income and felt ready to move out (past 30) and now when i finally have my own place i wish that i had moved out earlier, even without a stable income.

btw, your mom sounds like a sociopath - one more reason to leave asap.

I'm in a university. I'm confused now. D:

Yeah. I don't see myself being able to move out until I'm at least 25. But then again I'm a writer, I'm doomed to be poor. :/

I know. I can't wait to move back to the university to have at least a little freedom. Too bad this is my last year of college. D:

My co-workers use to give me addresses for driving schools all the time. The flyers that they sent me said they would pick you up at your house and drive with you until you develope the skills to be an efficient confident driver..

When I told them I wanted to drive but can't because my issues with balance and depth perception they would joke its a good thing you are a metal finisher and not a proctologist.

Lol. Driving schools are expensive though. D:

I guess I'll just have to use the riding lawn mower to practice for now. The motor skills are about the same, anyway.

She yells at me whenever I have a meltdown, don't perform up to her standards in academics or social things.[/quote="Erisad"]

I'm sorry. This is really hard, because most kids want to please their parents, even when they can see that their parents behave like a%$holes. A person ends up believing that they are worthless, and their self-esteen gets even lower. They have you under their control (as they are probably control freaks). In my case, I was always trying to please my dad. I always did really well in school, which he liked, but I was not outgoing, like my (NT) sister, which is what really mattered to him Years after moving away, I still find myself feeling better if he likes something that I did, even though it shouldn't even matter. It sucks.

My dad left us when I was 1.5 years old. We see him about twice a year but that's about it. That's okay though, I usually don't like meeting his new love interests. After having three failed marriages, you would THINK he would just stay single. :/

Yeah. I ask Mom's opinion of everything, even if it's something she wouldn't know about just to get her approval. I know she wanted a mini-replica of herself but she got me instead.

No don't worry I understand exactly how you feel. I have a parent who is very possessive, so this parent makes me feel like dirt, just so that I don't feel confident enough to leave. And you may be right, your home as mine, is keeping us from growing and we seem miles behind others. But you can't focus on the things you can't do. Focus on the things you can do, and the things like your degree, which will hopefully lead to a more independent life, not right now, but in time. I have so much catching up to do but I have to start somewhere and to try and make myself believe that I can accomplish things thus all the things which my home life denies, can't be focused on. You need to look ahead and focus on the things which will hopefully get you where you want to be. If driving is one of those things, then look somewhere else other than your mother. And that goes for anything else you feel you want to do which will help you grow.


I completely empathise with you. Having this type of parent is tough.