Long term bullying truama

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I was just feeling down today, so I'm going to just explain what's bugging me, since I don't know how to put into better words: I just feel the scars of bullying and teasing on my psyche, even though it was years ago. It wasn't physical bullying except on a few occasions, mostly people taking advantage of my lack of understanding to taunt me in organized attacks, or once in a while a mean prank like tricking me into taking a public bus without any idea of what I was to do that could have resulted in me lost in the place and never found, or the ridicule of my voice by giant teen thugs who showed up later and still did it while pretending to have matured and deny their actions as they act, and over time it just accumulated. Every time I feel like I've turned over a new leaf and moved on, it just comes back as bad as ever. Dark thoughts of extreme retribution. An obsession with proving myself to never be a victim or "weak" again, and an obsession with forcing the world into justice with vigilante fantasies that thankfully I haven't acted on. Thoughts of only vengeance mattering now, and a desire to wage a war on bullies. Fear, paranoia, and distrust of humanity's true motives. The feelings that it's either submit yourself to the apathy of the world or fight back with a bloodlust, and that people will never change and always regard you as a freak, only as you get older they trick you into becoming a friend so you can drop your shell and let them make fun of you when you least expect it. It's all out of my control, or it seems like that, I just don't know how to get out of it, I only know that I have to.

There, did that and feel a little better, getting it off my chest. Anyone else ever feel this or a similar concept? Anyone know what can help?

I was also bullied, both by schoolmates and by my father. People keep telling me to stop complaining and to remember only the good times. Without going into the details, all that I can say is, how can people expect me to not remember the bullying and remember only the good times when there were few (if any) good times to associate with the bullies?

So I've spent most of my adult life trying to form good memories with other people. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but the major point is that I am taking an active role in my own happiness, such that if a person makes me unhappy - especially through assault, bullying, harassment, humiliation, or intimidation - I cut that person out of my life. If the person is a co-worker, I deal with them in cold civility. Sooner or later, they catch on.

I can relate to this. Making a strong effort to build your own confidence and focus on people in your life who respect you helps soothe the rage. I know this is easier said than done if you're isolated though. Bad thoughts have a way of invading when there's otherwise a vacuum in your life.

I really have to search for positive mental stimulation to keep the demons from taking over. I'm the most centered and emotionally stable when I can put my analytical mind to use. The thing is everyone is different so you do have to find your own way. Some people need exercise and physical activity, but this doesn't always work so well for me. Mindless physical activity like doing push-ups or hitting a punching bag only riles me up more when I'm upset. What I need intense mental focus. I enjoy solving puzzles or working on math problems for fun, but I realize that isn't everyone's cup of tea. There are certain kinds of exercise that combine both worlds as well, things like yoga or martial arts that would require both mental and physical effort.

I also had to deal with being bullied just remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Non-sequitur: @Joker, I actually find that that which doesn't kill me tends to make me madder

@Diabolikal, what I learned early on in my childhood is that as bad as it was being an East Asian, it was worse to be a physically weak East Asian. Arguably this was a driving factor to making sure I exercised.

I've used the same technique. The emotional scars from bullying will never go away, but you can counter-balance the negative with new positive memories. These days I always emotionally protect myself by being prepared for the worst from anybody. I can never be taken by surprise (again). This inner self protection has diminished my inner fear of people and allowed me to open myself up to more positive emotions.

I've never believed people are inherently bad. Children have an underdeveloped sense of empathy and maturity, They don't have a full understanding of the hurt they inflict by what they do, and why it is wrong to do as they do. Adult bullies I would stay the hell away from, but thankfully I have found at least in my experience they are much rarer than child bullies.

I still can't believe the aspies who still chase a GF/friend in to adult hood have you not learned your lessons,

I've just spent the last 10 years on disability due to NT stupidity/cruelty I know to stay well well away from them. *







Apparently told by Grisha that it was noble that I'd prefer to clean toilets at 3 am than brown nose myself to my superiors which is what one has to do for almost any job it ain't going to happen sonny.

Off to Cenretlink and apply for that cleaning job.

* that and I don't want to subject myself to their boring stories listen to them and I mean really listen

I can relate, for me, it wasn't so much that I "have to prove myself" that sort of happened on it's own. I went to jail, and instantly I was feared. It was sort of a bad thing really. After that, I realized I can get through anything thrown at me, and my dealings with people got a lot harsher. I simply no longer tolerated the stuff people threw at me. Even if it makes me seem weird or whatever for not going along with it, even "casual" teasing, I don't care, I don't like being taken advantage of.

Another thing that gradually happened, I started getting more physically active and working out, and it's raised my confidence a lot. Being Christian's helped a lot, too. I realize now everyone will be judged for all their unrighteousness, that God is keeping score.

Just try the best you can to get on with your life, and put yourself in a position not to be screwed with, and try to forgive all your former enemies, not necessarily befriend them again, but at least forgive them.

Your so right. Somes aspies don't learn they lesson. I learn mine by been harceled so much that i hate others. I'm on disability right now because of they crualty. I can't work or come back to school and anyway, school i'm not interessed. I can't forgive them and forget theses treatments but i will try to pass over it. I keep myself far from NT me too, i can't work well with them

I am currently being harassed/bullied and I am 54 years old, and have been taking college courses again for the past 19 months. The situation now is more about me being an "old lady", one student this semester has gone out of his way to be hostile to me, about me, but I have to say it still creates a lot of anxiety, brings back so many memories of other situations where people were just horrid because they felt they could.

I have tried to ignore him, tried having a normal conversation with him, joking with him, and it's just escalating. Last week there were three of us outside talking about a class, and suddenly he launched into a confrontation saying "I know what kind of crazy old lady you are, you are one of these crazy old ladies with a bunch of cats", I still tried to deflect and said "I don't have any cats, I don't have a houseplant because I don't want to have to take care of anything" he continued "how many cats do you have, huh, how many cats?".
I asked him if he had mommy issues, ended up asking him if maybe his grandma used to lock him in the attic, and that there was problem here, but it was all his.

Of course now I am obsessing about this, have contacted my "therapist" that I am required to meet with because of voc rehab, and believe the right thing to do at this point is to report him.

Just wanted to share a few things, that yes, it can go on in life and that I truly believe the right thing to do is to stand up to people in whatever way you can, to get them to back off, including reporting the behavior to the appropriate people.
This is not to say I am comfortable with this mess, I go between wishing it just never happened to fantasies of reporting him, the oeo investigating, and me giving the results of the investigation to every instructor in the department, with the hope than no one will recommend him for an internship or a job.

Almost could have been me talking. Unfortunately I have no advice for you but if it's any consolation you are not alone.

Is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) available in your area? That's what I'm hoping to try. Nothing will work miracles but something such as CBT or even hypnotism may equip you with the tools to better deal with your emotions.

Everything you are feeling is normal, and you seem to understand that any kind of big payback for these events is not the way to go. Have you thought of reporting people? I don't know where you live, or if you are officially diagnosed, but in the US there are laws against targeting people, but I know that isn't an easy way to go. Forgive yourself for falling for their stupid bs, it's all on them, it's not that you should have known better or should have seen through them.

It's ok to feel bad when presented with the fact so many people seem sub human, but try not to dwell on it. (now if I could only follow my own advice:D)

I relate. Some people on here have said that it's a form of PTSD.

Just have to say that the only people who say that are people who don't know what awful things people can go through. It doesn't make you stronger necessarily, it can make you afraid, mean, bitter, depressed, crazy, suicidal, hopeless, a hermit, a drunk, a drug addict, mistrustful of the world, paranoid, etc etc etc

In short, that is just one of the most stupid sayings I hear, and it's usually people who have gone through something rough like a car breaking down and think that is pretty bad.

What you just did will probably help you the most. When things are horrible address it and write about it.

Yeah I got bullied too. Even worse as I got older was being used by the girlfriends of those bullies. Its kinda sad when I look at the fact that they all turned me into a real cynical jerk with faith in nothing. (Luckily I do a good job of hiding that side of me in public.) I often wonder if some of those people matured and what they would say if they saw my transformation. Chances are they'd probably laugh and say mission accomplished Oh well.

I know how this feels. I am in the same bought as you. I have severe emotional problems and severe anxiety due to bullying even after years of hiding it. I never had a voice to tell anyone that I was bullied because I was always the one getting neglected and abused emotionally. There are times when I can feel so depressed and start digging my nails into my skin for no reason except for being emotionally overloaded. I brought up having PTSD once or just a general acute stress disorder and one of my friends got mad at me and said I shouldn't self-diagnosis and its impossible for me to have it.

But then I realize that she doesn't know the s**t I had gone through. She doesn't know the scars on my skin and inside that were caused by bullying, let alone even just psychological and emotional... but its what has literally torn my self-confidence and self-esteem down to zero. I can't trust a single soul except for the ones who share emotional pain almost like mine. Most of which are considered nobodies.

I don't have flashbacks except for when I think about just the bits and pieces of those times. It can overwhelm me and make me wish I could have just ended it too.

But the good thing is, you are able to express it in a verbal standpoint. For me, I am forced to suffer these scars and trauma because I have so much trouble with verbal expression. My emotional states are usually so bad that I can't even think. I just sit there having an anxiety attack yet with some blank stare or something.

The worst part was that I told my teachers and they were all, "She's egging them on with her strange facial expressions and odd behaviors". It didn't even stop them from realizing this was all part of autism when I was diagnosed prior to my seventh/eight grade year when I lived in Maine at the time. They still treated me like I was a reject because I was different from the other children in my class. I had little to no support whatsoever as far as schooling and stuff went. I was lucky if I had one friend. D: THe teachers also complained about my lack of social interaction...