This is probably going to be hard

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My husband has been having health problems so he hasn't been working and will start getting temporary disability. I have been under stress off and on about it because of money. He can't take care of our son while I am at work so his mother comes out to help out but lately she has been taking him home with her and keeping him over there and then bringing him back. I just pump my milk to keep my supply going so I won't dry up. But she can't always take care of him either due to her health and neither can her husband and daughter. I am not sure what my sister in law's problems are but they can't take care of our son all the time either. So I end up leaving my son in his play yard now with the TV on and toys in there while I go to work and it's hard for my husband to feed him and change him when he needs it. Picking him up is very hard for him. He has his mother come out and help him when she can. On Monday we had my aunt and uncle watch him while I was at work. But they aren't always around to watch him because they work. Sometimes my uncle goes out of town and sometimes my aunt has extra stuff to do after work.

I can't quit my job or else we be broke. Having a kid, and a job all stressful for me I have been feeling like I am shutting down. I felt like this before my husband started having problems. So my parents decided to take him from us for a while so he can get the love and attention he needs. Mom says parking him in front of the TV for five hours is not good for him because he needs to be moving around and exploring, not locked in a play pen. If they lived in town, they would be watching him but because they live ten hours away, they say it's best if they come and get him and bring him home with them until my husband is well or until we get a house. I thought my husband would say no to it but he is in too much pain to even care.

My mother in law just took him home again for the rest of the week so they can spend their last time with him before they can ever see him again for a while.

I feel different this time about it because I know I won't see him for a while and when he comes back this weekend, I would only have my last night with him before my parents take him home with them on Sunday. They are driving all the way out here from three states away just to get him. that means no more nursing, won't be able to buy more summer clothes for him when we can afford it in our budget, no more holding him and watching him play or sleeping with him. No more baths with him either.

Maybe I will have my mother in law bring him back on Friday so I can spend my last time with him. Right now I want to hold him but he isn't here. I have never felt this way when he be at my in laws/sister inlaw's house but this time I do feel different about it because I know he will be going away for a while starting this weekend and who knows when we will see him again.

Oh my goodness, what a heartbreaking situation. I don't know what to say, except I am so sorry you find yourself in such a difficult position. If your mother-in-law could bring your son back a bit earlier I think that would be best so you can spend some time with him.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you're in this situation. It's always been so clear how important your son is to you and how much you love him and being his mother.

I'm glad your husband will be getting disability. It sounds like you both are really financially strapped.

I don't know what your expenses are or where you live, but are there any social services available? Can you get your son into head start or something while you're working?

One thing I did was to go to the community college and learn Early Childhood Education, so that I could actually bring my son to work with me at the preschool. I was a single mother and had to work, and I still wanted to be able to spend time with my child even though.

I totally understand why you feel depleted, it's so hard to balance motherhood and paying the bills. Consider the social services available to you, like can you get college grants to go to college? Can you go to the foodbank to cut down on your bills? No one wants to have to do these things--but sometimes it's necessary to look into social programs for help. Ultimately your children and you community benefit from them anyway, so don't feel like it's an imposition to the community. The community depends on it's participants and that's why there are programs designed to get people into the most useful places.

It's a bit late for head start because my parents are coming to take him and it be this weekend. I do have the forms for it but never sent them off yet because of procrastination and I hate forums and making phone calls so I procrastinate and keep forgetting. I am finding that stressful so I keep avoiding it. It's been five months now that I have had them. I even missed my son's appointment and never rescheduled it and it's been two months. I know I should but forget it since he won't be here.

My husband pays the bills because he fired me from it in 2010 because he felt it was too stressful for me. I would chew him out for spending literally a dollar. I was very obsessed about saving. With money low in our bank account and having a baby coming, I wanted to save for the baby and to him we were not broke because we had our savings but I didn't want to touch it so I wanted to save save save and not spend any money stuff except bills. Then he fired me from them and said he would handle all the finances and I won't worry about money anymore.

Now that he is having seizures due to the pain he is in, it makes him mess up and he didn't pay the Cable bill when he thought he did so we got a phone call from them and I freaked out and had anxiety over it and he paid it over the phone. I still wanted to pay all the bills and stressed out about him making another mistake and having to pay late fees if he forgets. Then we couldn't pay the rent anymore for this month because we didn't have enough money anymore. We had to wait for my check so I wrote the rent check this weekend and it was my first time in two years writing it.

We can still afford food. We just don't eat much.

Sweet Pea hugs

I'm so sorry! I know I haven't been there really, lately for you, cause I've been absorbed in my own stuff, but I'm going to try harder to be there for you with this. Missing a kid can be very hard!

((hugs))

I know it's difficult to hear this; but I want to give you something to think about.

A lot of kids go away to camp or to visit relatives over summer. Think of it this way.

Also

It's awesome that you have a support system like that. There are a lot of people who would kill for that.

Best of Luck to you.

My parents came by this morning and got him. I slept with him in my arms like he was a doll and I fed him his breakfast this morning. My parents didn't want to use cloth so I put a disposable on him around five in the morning when I woke up from bad period cramps and then went back to sleep. I also realize him being gone is also best for me too because then I can recharge myself. I still miss him because I know I won't see him for a while. Also the fact I didn't wake my husband up and if I knew he wanted me to wake him up for him to say good bye, I would have done it. I thought I was doing something right and thinking of him by letting him sleep because the pain keeps him up until he passes out so I wanted him to have his sleep so he be healthier. But wrong, he wanted to say good bye to him so I offered to call my parents so they can turn the car around and come back so he can say his good bye. But he didn't care and said it was okay. That's what I love about him, he doesn't get mad at me for stuff like this and say I am selfish and only think of myself and then I feel like crap feeling I can't do it right like I did in my last relationship.

I have been thinking about you this weekend because of that. You have been on my mind and I'll definately keep you in my thoughts. I'd give you a hug if I could, and if you like hugs.