Why are my family and friends so against me?

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Angnix
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01 Jul 2020, 12:00 pm

My mental health workers are so supportive of me, but my family and friends shoot down everything they say...

Mental health wants to help me find a job... But family says I would fail and loose my disability money at the same time...

Mental health wants to find me a female roommate, but my family made a joke about it saying "she'd probably be "Stabitha" who would end up murdering me..."

Mental health says they would support me starting a family if I found the right guy and maybe if I get a good job I could afford to adopt one... My family tells me to never have children because I have mental problems...

My mental health worker says it's my life and I don't have to listen to my family... But seriously what they say to me is so negative and hurts my feelings.


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envirozentinel
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01 Jul 2020, 12:14 pm

Believe me you're by no means the only one on here with negative input from family members. You don't have to take what they say as canonical - you are perfectly capable of making informed decisions that have the power to make you happy. I seem to recall you love animals, especially birds so I'm sure a job in that direction would work out, providing that low pay isn't an issue...

You get very nice roommates and perhaps you could even ask the mental health to vet such a person beforehand if you feel you might find it tough to judge character at first glance.

Never listen to well meaning family members who want to limit your potential because they still want to treat you as a young teenager. The mental health folk have obviously assessed you from a professional POV and you can therefore trust their judgment on this.


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SecretOpossumCabal
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01 Jul 2020, 3:59 pm

If you have a history of mental illness then I'd say it's best not to try to raise your own children because they would add heaps of stress to an already shaky situation. I'd suggest if you have friends with kids that you could instead spend time with them, and 'adopt' them in a sense. That way they would get the best of you, while you get the best of them and don't have to deal with the stressful behind-the-scenes parts. Raising a kid is extremely taxing and I do not suggest people with a long history of battling mental disorders to go into that. It's very easy for afflictions to transfer over to the children because people went into parenthood expecting to take but not give, and parenthood is mostly give, with a long reward towards the end when the children are self-sufficient (owing to good parenthood) and decide to give back. Good parenthood requires a very strong foundation. Parenthood looks easy and glorious on the surface when you see parents posing with their kids on social media but underneath it is a LOT of stress and work.

But again, that's only if you do in fact have a long history of battling MI. The stress of parenthood is very great and can unhinge you, so it would be best to just find a friend that has kids and help them out as an 'aunt'. You'll get the best parts of motherhood without all the bad parts, and the friend would love having a break from her duties as a parent so everyone would benefit



Angnix
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01 Jul 2020, 4:23 pm

I had a doctor's appointment today and the doctor also advised not to have children because I'm on too many meds bad for pregnancy and changing them would be difficult.

But my uncle is getting out of line with his control issues... His grandson and his girlfriend wanted to live with me there and my uncle told them no... They are adults too...

And he raised his voice at me because I told him I wanted a job... That wasn't very nice...

I told my mental health worker and she said since I don't have a guardian or payee I have full rights as an adult and to control my own life...


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questor
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06 Jul 2020, 12:50 pm

You have a toxic family situation. You need to move out and live on your own. I realize you are hampered by not having a job income just yet, but perhaps you could stay at a Salvation Army shelter while you get a job, and save up for a small apartment of your own. Some people do well taking in roommates, but people with mental health issues may do better living alone, as long as they have money to pay the rent. You won't need a big apartment, so you will be able to get something cheaper. In your situation, even a studio apartment would be a help. Perhaps you can even manage it now using some of your government benefits, and then start looking for a job from the comfort of your own place, without your toxic relatives on your case. Best to get a small apartment to start with, to keep relatives from trying to move in with you, and then trying to run your life again.

As for job hunting, whether you have any job skills or not, I suggest starting by signing up with all the temp agencies in your area. There is no law against being signed up with more than one at a time. During my work years I always signed up with all of the ones where ever I lived. It got me more assignments. Don't worry about the name "Temp" agency. Temp assignments sometimes turn into permanent jobs, and even if they don't, you can put them on your resume, which will help you get a more permanet job later on.

Hope I've been some help. Keep cool, keep safe, and keep well. :D


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