having a bad day, week, life.....

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Does it feel like we will never grow up? Will I always be excessively naive and fooled again and again into thinking people like me and actually want me around? Or am I the only one who feels I will never be good enough for other people?

I want to scream sometimes. I'm sorry I am unable to have flawless conversations. I'm sorry I'm so incredibly and obsessively and uncontrollably interested in my 'special interests.' I'm sorry I'm unable to maintain the standard eye contact. I'm sorry I fidget in my chair and scratch at itchy skin because I have sensory and circulation issues. I'm sorry I'm unable to see when vindictive people have mean hidden agendas. I'm sorry I don't look like there is anything wrong with me. And no! I'm not doing this on purpose!

I'm really at a loss right now. Do these things make me a bad person? Can anybody relate?

You'll be fine. Just hang in there.

I think everyone has those days

Reminds me of the time my brother slapped me in the face with a shoe during a meltdown ;-;

Hang in there - everyone has those days from time to time.

I guess I'm just trying to say I feel punished all the time for not being perfect enough. I can't consistantly and convincingly follow their social and conversational and relationship rules and then people punish me as a result.

Sometimes I think we just need to remember not to judge ourselves by the moral codes of others. We are different and shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Break yourself, be broken by someone else (i.e. enslaved by an abuser), or die. Take your pick. Obvious best choice is to be a warrior. If your inclination is to scream, break that part of your mind. Breath and tell yourself it isn't there. It takes time. But think about all the people in a state like yours who end up just getting lazy and don't do anything or they commit suicide or let other people abuse them. Why make yourself like all those people? Why not experiment with the human condition and seek to make yourself an example of what a single human, born into some misfortune, can build up strength to do?

The only kind of "perfect" there is is what makes you personally feel good, comfortable, encouraged, unassaulted. "Perfect" is otherwise undefined. Define it for yourself in terms of your own personal goals and interests, not what other people selfishly want from you (e.g. one can be a body builder because they want to feel strong as opposed to being a body builder mainly to attract girls)

And the only way you can be "punished" is if you've done something wrong, and the only time you can do something wrong is when you deliberately harm or risk the harm of someone else, not when you break rules that don't make sense. If people mistreat you for not doing what they want you to do (because it hurts you) and they are aware of your limitations in doing those things, they are the ones that deserve punishment. But mostly when they do that its because they don't understand something about you because they don't know you well enough. That's where the warrior comes in again, and you have to be really patient, like an animal trainer, and feed them little bits that their small minds can handle as they learn to understand that you only want to be their friend.

I like your analogies tinydancer. I spent most of my life as the warrior. Keeping my head up for the bullies at school and those who misunderstood me in college and the 'friends' I lost along the way and the abusive people I fell for and the issues I've had in the workplace. I guess I'm just having a not-again moment this week and not feeling so strong and confident.

Thank you for your responses. I get dragged down sometimes because I work so hard at social interactions that I'm forced into and when I don't measure up, I'm bullied or socially ostracized. Not only does it not seem fair, but I often take it really hard initially.

It's not fair at all, but it's reality. People around us are always going to be able to socialize and form connections with each other seamlessly. We can do what we can to improve, but after a point it's really trying to be someone you're not. I just tend to retreat from those situations, because I never even know if my input is welcome anyway.